Ask the Middle Class White Guy

[Seven]

Dear Middle Class White Guy

1. Do you miss exciting sex?

2. Do you miss getting a hard-on?

3. Does your wife’s little dog piss you off?

4. What really happened to your third child to make him “.4” of a human? Did it involve gas-powered garden tools?

5. What’s up with your ski jacket? Did you really have to buy the fuglist one on the rack?

5a) Speaking of jackets: What’s up with all the clothes to match the activity? Do the special pants really help the golf game? How about those bike pants? Or the paramilitary shirt you wear when camping? Or the fishin’ cap? Please fill me in on this concept.

6. How much time have you REALLY spent talking to your uncle’s best friend’s coworker’s cousin who is black/gay/different. Given he’s the reason “there’s nothing wrong with blacks/gays/etc” do you really know this person?

7. Does you wife know about the other woman?

8. On sunday does Jesus prefer the banker-blue suit and striped red tie or is that just show for the other church goers?

9. Why does the front yard have to be so perfect but the back yard doesn’t? I mean, you spend all your time in the back yard behind the huge fence.

10. What’s the deal with the various ribbon magnets on the back of your car?

11. How come you never learned how to wash clothes/dishes/bathrooms.

12. When the wife is gone how come feeding the kids is such a chore?
    ** You did say “the way we’re presented in the media”

[Godfrey_Daniels]

@YaWanna

Dear Middle Class White Guy:
Do these jeans make my butt look too big?

The correct answer to this question is ALWAYS “no”. The unspoken part of the answer is “it’s not the jeans that make your butt look too big”.

Yeah, I know. Who asked me?

P.S. The Sylvan exit and the tunnel are on 26, not I-5.

[Walter_Windchill]

@brianjedi

Let’s see how well you can discuss the SEC.

1. When’s Florida going to fold?

2. When’s Georgia gonna be good again?

3. What the hell’s wrong with Kentucky this year?

You mean hoops, right? Who cares. Tennessee is better than all of them.

[YaWanna]

@Godfrey Daniels

P.S. The Sylvan exit and the tunnel are on 26, not I-5.

Yeah, I know. Brain fart. :smack:

[Al128]

@Shagnasty

I gather that other groups often underestimate the burden of the responsible middle-class white guy.

What do you recommend as the proper contributions per year to support others and self?

1. 401K or related plan assuming $3 million needed for retirement
2. Emergency Savings - 6 months pay
3. Life Insurance - amount and rates - recommended 25x salary to make sure loved ones are taken care of in the event of my untimely demise.
4. Child college tuition plan(s) assuming $200,000 per child in 18 years
5. Long-term care plan - $2 million in care for self and spouse
6. Parental long-term care plan - Support and full-time care for up to 20 years per parent - $2 million.
7. Stock portfolio - to provide for a decent inheritance for the wife and kids.
8. Home owners and other insurance - protection for the times I get sued by those that aren’t as lucky.
9. Charity - 10% of income to give back.

When I run these numbers for myself, the burdens exceed household income even before I include such things as food, clothing, and shelter for my family. How am I suppose to meet these great demand in the coming decades?

cut down on 9)

[eleanorigby]

Hey, MCWG–what do you tell your wife when she says “what are you thinking?” after sex?

Do you still have sex with kissing?
Would you drive your wife’s BF anywhere, without your wife or the BF’s husband or kids in the car?

Do you still know the phone numbers to your old GFs?
What exactly do you do out in the garage?
How many power tools does one man need?

Last question: how often and with what method do you mow your lawn? Seed or sod?

[Walter_Windchill]

The wife issue is a sensitive one right now. Making the sex issue a sensitive one right now.

But I’m always happy to talk about power tools and my mower. Why, let me tell you about the recycling mower that mulches while it mows…

[What_Exit]

@eleanorigby

…snip…
How many power tools does one man need?

You know the answer to that one, as many as he can find a place to store them.

Jim

[eleanorigby]

@Walter Windchill

The wife issue is a sensitive one right now. Making the sex issue a sensitive one right now.

But I’m always happy to talk about power tools and my mower. Why, let me tell you about the recycling mower that mulches while it mows…

I smell a coverup. What about being alone with wife’s GF? Huh, huh? And what about sex and kissing? Huh? What about it?
Are you a politician?

And you didn’t answer the most important question: seed or sod?

[Walter_Windchill]

@eleanorigby

And you didn’t answer the most important question: seed or sod?

Seed is good for feeding the birds, and not much else. At least when I’ve tried.

[saoirse]

@eleanorigby

I smell a coverup. What about being alone with wife’s GF? Huh, huh? And what about sex and kissing? Huh? What about it?
Are you a politician?

And you didn’t answer the most important question: seed or sod?

Okay, I ignored it the first time, but it’s come back so I have to ask. Why do you say his wife has a girlfriend? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Did I miss that part of the thread? That would be odd; I seldom miss that part of the thread.