To celebrate the fact that it’s been ten years and one day since me and my four overstuffed suitcases got off the airplane and said “So this is home!”, I hereby open my own vanity thread. Besides, I’m bored.
Hee hee, the title of this thread reminded me of my Swedish friend in college… we used to tease her all the time with questions like “Do you all wear wooden shoes in Sweden? Do you eat Swedish fish and Swedish meatballs all the time? Do you have reindeer as pets?”
How 'bout overnighting some lutefisk to me. I figure it’s cheaper than an airplane ticket, and my area is not exactly teeming with Norwegian restaurants. I’ve always heard that it was a challenge for non-natives to tackle. I have yet to find some “real” food that I didn’t like.
Rasa: Wooden shoes are only worn indoors, by those who still wear them. Personally I prefer my cheap Birkie knock-offs. Swedish meatballs are the best excuse I know of for a quick trip to IKEA. And reindeer are food, not pets.
Sorry, Mjollnir, but I believe international lutefisk shipping is forbidden by international postal agreements and Customs in all civilized nations, not to mention the Geneva Convention. The stuff is truly evil.
What about reindeer steaks? I haven’t had reindeer in a long, long, long time. Say hi to my uncle for me too ok?
Pseudo-Norweigian Chick,
My officemate drives me crazy. He has the personality of cardboard, and yet continues to annoy me with endless droning stories, which have no point, and only serve to highlight what a social misfit he is. I’m thinking of punching him in the head. Do you think I should aim for the center of the head, or closer to the base of the neck?
Phrazzled in Physics
(I’ve been reading The Onion too much.)
Who would win a catfight between you and the Swedish chick (Soda)?
Kvallulf: I don’t think I can ship meat, but come on over some time and I’ll make a nice big pot of finnbiff. Mmm. (This is sort of a variation on beef stroganoff, made with reindeer meat, and topped by a couple of melting slices of brown cheese. Yummy.)
Giraffe: Come on, you’re not being nearly creative enough. Read the Sagas for some advice on dealing with annoying co-workers. Do you know what a blood eagle is? Something like that. No one will ever tell you about the time Uncle Ned lost control of the lawn mower again.
DRY: I don’t really do cat-fights. Now, if I were a real Norwegian instead of just a pseudo-Norwegian, I might consider challenging her to a ski race, because the current alignment of the stars and planets guarantees that a Norwegian will always beat a Swede. But since I’m only a pseudo-Norwegian, I’d have to settle for a battle of words, and it wouldn’t be very thrilling. I’d point out that Norway has gobs of oil and a thriving economy, not to mention better ice cream, and she’d point out that we also have potholes that can swallow an eighteen wheeler, not to mention Carl I. Hagen, and at that point I’d have to suggest we call it a draw.
OK, I’ll ask it. It’s the obvious question. Maybe everyone knows it and will point and laugh at me.
What the heck is a ‘flodnak’?
-Jonathan “Wondering when he gets to set up a ‘Ask the white, hetero, upper-middle class Guy’ thread” Chance
flodnak sez:
My (Swedish-descent) father tells these jokes in defense of Swedes: WARNING: The following paragraphs contain Scandanavian humor. Parental discretion is advised!
The Norwegians invented the toilet seat, but it wasn’t used much until the Swedes cut a hole in it.
Two Norwegians threw a bomb at two Swedes, who lit it and threw it back.
(From A Praire Home Companion) Ole’s wife, Lena, died and Ole called the funeral home:
Ole: “Lena has passed on. Can you come and pick her up?”
Funeral Home: “Certainly. Where are you located?”
Ole: “At the corner of Eucalyptus Avenue and Main Street.”
F.H.: “Can you spell that for me?”
Ole: “Tell you what – I’ll meet you at the corner of Oak and Main.”
Well Damn. I am half and half, so do I laugh at those jokes or be offended?
Dear flodnak,
My wife is looking for an academic job in Norway. She’s currently doing a Ph.D on the sagas, and she’s fluent in Norwegian (and modern Icelandic, if that’s any help). Any suggestions on where she could apply?
Yours, Duke
PS This question is semi-serious. 
PPS A joke to offset pluto’s collection.
What does Sweden have that Norway doesn’t?
Good neighbours.
How cute are the Norwegian guys?
Do Norwegians make good beer?
I once had lutefisk and lefse at a relative’s house, and I thought it was great. That was over thirty years ago, and I’ve been wanting some more ever since.
pugluvr, of Norwegian descent
Jonathan: That’s a very good question. I’m glad you ask questions like those. It shows you’re paying attention. Now what was the next question? Oh, yes, that’s right…
Kvallulf: Norwegians tell exactly the same jokes about Swedes. So tell them to yourself twice, alternating which group gets to be the stupid ones, and you’ll be at peace. 
Duke: Um, has she tried the universities? There are four, at Oslo (UiO), Bergen (UiB), Trondheim (NTNU) and Tromsø (UiT). Add a “www.” to the front and a .no to the back of those abbreviations and you’ll get to their Web pages.
pugluvr: You asked How cute are the Norwegian guys? And I can only say: In tight jeans, from the rear, might-ee fine! 
As for beer, I don’t drink it, but I’ve been told they are quite good as long as you like pilsners - no other type is brewed in large quantity any more. Norway is one of the last countries to still have the old purity laws in effect, so the beers are only made from the basic four ingredients.
I like lefse. Especially with a little butter and a sprinkling of sugar and cinnamon. Norwegian-Americans tend to use the word lefse to mean what would be both lefse and lompe to a Norwegian. Lefse can be thick or thin but are always slightly sweet. For some reason they are eaten with lutefisk, but otherwise are only found in a coffee-and-cakes situation - not typically a supper food. Lomper only turn up with savory food; they are always thin and never sweet. That’s what you’ll find little kids wrapping around their hot dogs.
According to my computer language selector, there are two types of Norwegian: Bokmal and Nynorsk. What is the difference?
And Anniz (and, soda, too, if she’s still lurking…).
Hi PNChick. No questions from me today.
Hvor lang tid tog det foer du laerte norsk?
(I apologize for my Danish-on-an-American-keyboard).
You know, that “good neighbors” joke has a serious side. Sweden shares borders with Norway and Finland, and has a new “bridge-border” with Denmark. Norway shares borders with Sweden, Finland, and… Russia.
Annie-Xmas: There are two written standards for Norwegian, bokmål and nynorsk. Bokmål (which literally means “book language”) is based on the speech of the cities, particularly Oslo. That speech, in turn, was heavily influenced by Danish in the four centuries that Norway was ruled by Denmark. Nynorsk (“new Norwegian”) was the creation of a man named Ivar Aasen, and is based on a wide number of rural dialects, mostly from western Norway. It was held to be a “purer” form of Norwegian by the National Romantics. The two forms have identical legal status, although bokmål is much more widely used than nynorsk. Each township/municipality decides which form to use in schools and for other local matters. In practice, if you can read one, you can read the other with little difficulty. Many words are identical in both forms and those that aren’t are generally similar. Note that neither of these is a spoken language, just a standard for writing. Norwegians are generally proud of their local dialects. (What I’m about to write will be in bokmål.)
Mr. Pimpernel: Tja. Kommer jo an på hva du mener med “lærte”? Jeg klarte meg for det meste i det daglige livet (ta buss, handle mat, osv) etter tre-fire måneder (dog hadde jeg studert litt norsk i Pittsburgh før jeg flyttet til Norge). Jeg begynte å studere på universitetet etter ett år, så det gikk rimelig kjapt, egentlig. Jeg foretrekker fortsatt å lese skjønnliteratur på engelsk, mens jeg finner det lettere å diskutere enkelte ting på norsk!
That was MEAN, flodnak!
I do a free text search on the web and all I find under ‘flodnak’ is YOU! Nothing else in the world uses the word!
Now spill! PLEASE???
Damn! Left the Norwegian-English dictionary at home. If she doesn’t reply in 24 hours I’ll see what I can do.
But forget the Norwegian guys… I can tell you that my female Norwegian cousins are damn cute… and I can’t wait to visit next May (if I get there… )