I’m also a teenager, fifteen year old girl like you, monica, and I have to say some of the questions here are a tad… bizarre.
To clarify, I’m a Brit, a slight goth, heavily into rock bands Silverchair, Jack off Jill and the Red Hot Chilis. I have tried drugs, fail to see the appeal in hip-hop, would rather be a werewolf than a vampire, am the only child of extremely liberal parents, have never had a boyfriend, don’t have many friends, suffer from slight loneliness-angst and love sleeping.
I don’t consider myself a “typical teen.” But then what is a “typical teen?”
Oh, yeah - the scream on sight of girlfriend thing - it isn’t there to be understood, it is there to be accepted.
And due to taking the time to read all the messages and type this, I have missed MAS*H. Yuk.
Are there still different groupings?
i.e. jocks, badasses, nerds, etc?
How is peer pressure nowadays?
Uncle Toby, I’d love to lock you in a room with my 16 year old daughter for an hour or so. She’d fix your lousy attitude in two shakes of a lambs tail.
I’m really enjoying the insight I’m getting here as as a mom. All in all, you impress me as truly thoughtful human beings, “teens” or not. Thanks for the great thread.
When I was a teenager in the Jurassic Era, I took pointless subjects in school that never prepared me for life after school.
I hardly ever use chemistry or cut up frogs these days.
Do you kids take any subjects in school that are practical?
I’m thinking of stuff like:
Basic Income Tax Preparation
How to Plan a Retirement Strategy
How to Buy a House
Taking Care of a Kid
I know 30 to 40 year olds that still don’t have any kind of retirement money saved.
If teens would start being educated on stuff like this, they would be a lot better prepared for life.
I hope this isn’t considered a hijack but it is a bit parallel.
Witch:
Actually I have eight nephews and three nieces most of whom are teenagers and all of whom regard me as their ‘cool’ uncle to whom they show more respect and deference than my brothers and sisters. This is, I think because I have always treated them like adults from their earliest youth. I expect good behavior and I get it, not because I’m scary but because they respect me and want my respect in turn. They all want to grow up to be like me and a mature, responsible attitude is part of that.
I think most of us have had a similar experience with a good teacher who kept discipline in the classroom and got serious work out of students because they were competent, responsible and respected not by pandering or threatening.
This may be better answered by a guy teen than a girl teen, but I’ll toss it out for whoever catches it…
Back in the days of the Carter administration, when I was a teenager, it wasn’t unheard of to get in fights in school. Most of these were what I privately called “pushy-shovies” - you’d shove some guy, he’d shove you back, and immediately there’d be a circle of people around the “fight”, and it would be just as quickly broken up by a teacher.
If things got more serious, there was always After School, In Back of the Giant. This is where you’d take a conflict where honor had not been satisfied by the pushy-shovie. It was possible to get some serious licks in during a fight there - black eye / bloody nose territory – but that was about it.
Use of a weapon was unheard of. It never would have crossed my mind to worry about the kid I was fighting with pulling out a knife. A gun would have been incredibly unthinkable.
How is it today? Do fights have a spectre of seriousness now, because guns are on everyone’s mind, and presumably obtainable easily? Or is that just a function of inner-city schools, and the good ol’ suburbs are still home to good ol’ fights with fists?
In short: what does today’s teen think about violence in their schools, on a personal, what-could-happen-to-me level?
- Rick
Uncle Toby I sincerely think that’s a truly wonderful gift for both you and nephews and nieces. It’s a boon for them to have an uncle they can go to that they trust and feel they can tell their troubles to.
At least in my experience, I get all that and more. My kids think I’m a cool mom. It does happen.
But that’s a whole other thread.
Re: fights: been in one. Stood there like an idiot, got punched several times, had my nose broken. But I got my lunch money back. And a day’s suspention for ‘participating in a fight’.
My school didn’t have metal detectors or anything. Of course, it had a well stocked science lab. Any idiot could have improvised something, or just whacked someone else over the head with a desk.
I like this thread, monica. Reminds me of my irrevarent, clueless, irrisponsible and vacuous youth.
Sorry, Uncle Toby, couldn’t help it.
But too, in High School I had to work, pay rent, pay for my own ride and take care of a girlfriend struck down by a chemical accident, so I took things a little more seriously.
As far as sex, drugs and rock … sorry, alcohol are concerned, I was having safe sex, but the rest I never gave a thought until years out of high school.
Thusly, all my friends were already aware of the wonders of beer before I. 
That can’t be right… I’ve been a larval computer geek since my first 2 5.25" disk, no hard drive computer… and I’m 10 years older than you. I got my first computer (an IBM PC) when I was 8. Which means that you were… negative two years old when you got your first computer?
You calling me a liar?
Dunno. It was probably old when I got it. But I remember inserting the system disk into drive A: and the game disk into drive B:, so I know that it’s not a false memory.
Bump - still curious about my violence question.
And it’s a good one, Bricker. I’ve been out of school for quite a while, and though it will be a long time yet before my daughter is there, I’m curious as well to see what the violence level is like nowadays.
Ok, first…
jenner’s questions.
- Do you feel ready to be an adult? Are you anxious to graduate high school/go to college/get on with your life?
Kinda… not really ready to become part of the working world, ready to have an independent self-sufficient lifestyle (ironic, huh?). I’m not that anxious to graduate from Uni, it’s quite a lot of fun and I don’t really know where I want to go.
- Are you nostalgic for childhood or are you glad it’s over?
Not for very young childhood… I didn’t think it was that great. I am nostalgic for high school, but I would never actually want to go back. High school is so much bullshit compared to uni.
- How’s your self-image? Do you like yourself? Are you happy with your physical appearance?
I’m fine with my self image. I like myself, but when I was fifteen I sure didn’t. I’m not enthused with my physical appearance - I figure that someone like me deserves to be attractive. If I act like I’m a hollywood superstar, why can’t I look like one?
- Do you think about where you’ll be 10, 20 or 30 years from now?
Yes. It’s called New York City.
So I guess I fantasise. I do think about it, but I didn’t when I was fifteen. I don’t consider the possibility of failing; I know I’ll go somewhere.
- What’s your number-one goal in life right now?
Right now, my number one goal is travel. I want to go on exchange for part of my degree. I also want to get the grades to get into a law degree, but that seems less tangable, and far less romantic. So I focus on the travel, but don’t lose sight of the scholarly ambitions.
- Do you think depictions of teenagers on TV and in the movies are accurate?
Teenagers in movies etc are very skewed towards the extreme, however, if you look carefully, you will see a grain of truth. I think a lot of parts of teen movies are more about desire than reality. Every teenager knows Stifler (of American Pie), but he isn’t as extreme in real life.
One problem with TV/movies is that they have an adult agenda that they are keen to push. Teenagers on TV often won’t have sex because adults think they shouldn’t. Drugs and alcohol aren’t touched by the responsible main characters, and if they are, extremely negative effects follow (watch Dawson’s Creek to see both of these in action. Could there be a show that talks about sex so much and does it so little?)
Unless it’s the reverse, where teenagers are screwing all the time because adults are convinced they are.
and we move on to cmosdes’ questions
To keep a teenager off drugs, you keep a teenager’s friends off drugs. Drugs are a social thing; nobody uses drugs alone. If your friends aren’t doing it, then you won’t.
Saying that, don’t ban your kid from seeing people who do drugs. Having friends who use drugs doesn’t mean that someone will automatically use drugs too.
The most important advice is not to freak out about drugs. Drugs can have a bad affect, but it doesn’t mean that they always do. A lot of teenagers experiment with drugs without becoming addicts or pot-heads. At my school, the most straight girl ever had a toke on a joint at a party, as did the more hardcore drug users, as did the school captain. Drug use is prevalent but not overwhelming. Drug use is almost exclusively confined to marijuana; the only other drug that I came into contact with in my time at high school was LSD, and this is not very common at all. Drugs aren’t a gateway, and they aren’t always a problem.
If you find your kid using drugs, don’t tell think that they will stop because you tell them not to, or punish them. Do you really think a kid is going to think, bong in hand, “I’d better not, cause Mum said not to?”
In my experience, drug problems are a manifestation, rather than a cause of other problems. Look at these.
A lot of this is just luck. You can help by not giving the teenager a reason to be secretive, and just being generally cool (note: I mean accomodating and friendly, rather than fashionable.) But if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Some of my friends have really cool parents that they just didn’t get along with. Others had a great relationship with their parents, and I couldn’t understand it (and admittedly, I envied it).
First, don’t bullshit. If you say something obviously untrue, (Underage drinking will make you a no-hoper loser child/ sex before marriage will undoubtedly end in heartbreak and pregnancy) the kid will think, “I know from my own experience that this just ain’t so - my parents are clueless and have no idea what it’s like to be 15.”
Second, don’t use the expression “In my day…”. it’s very difficult to convince anyone tht you’ve been through similar experiences after you’ve said this.
Thirdly, trust goes a long way.
Fourthly, a bit of empathy helps too. Even if someone isn’t an adult, they have the same independent desires as one. Just think of how restrictive it seems when you feel like an adult but other people still think it’s their business to tell you what to do (and of course, I’m not saying that it isn’t your business - but just imagine if you had a parent living with you telling you constantly that you can’t do things.)
The same way you keep adults from having sex.
The pressures aren’t that enormous. There is no “so you’re still a virgin?” A better thing to do is to help them be equipped to deal with sex, rather than try to stop them doing it. If they want to, they will, whatever you think. If they’re knowledgeable about it, they will be less likely to try it.
And don’t make it a big issue. If it’s a big issue, than a kid will want to try it.
No.
This is a good attitude to take. Don’t freak out about a toke at a party, but no-one should be devoting their lives to the wonders of the green leaf. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, but be aware that heavy/hard drug use is usually a manifestation of greater problems.
A definite goal helps. Someone who knows what they want to do is going to work for it, but don’t force people to take on goals if they don’t know what they want to do. Help them find stuff that they’re interested in, and try to foster that interest. Nothing works like self-motivation.
And a tip: a teenager often doesn’t think about next week, let alone five/ten years down the track.
It can be avoided, but I cannot tell you how. I suppose it just helps to remember that you’re dealing with people, so listen don’t judge, help don’t criticise, and don’t try and run other people’s lives for them. Which isn’t to say, “Let them do anything.” I’ve seen the worst excesses of this, and it’s not good.
Handy says:
For guys like me who can’t get enough of it.
Uncle Toby:
For the same reason that adults are more interested in celebrity relationships than politics, more interested in Everybody Loves Raymond than Shakespeare and are convinced that music attained perfection in 1973, which is a scientific fact. I think your question is best summarised as “Why Are People Stupid”, and the best answer is " because they’re people, and a lot of them aren’t as stupid as you think.
I mean, if idiotic entertainment is restricted to teen comedies featuring Tom Green, how do you explain Julia Roberts?
vanilla:
Yes, but not as obvious, rigid or definable as in the movies. And they disappear as you get older.
Just fine. Maybe an issue for younger teens, but not really the be all and end all. No “better take drugs and listen to Britney Spears because everyone else is doing it.”
Marine_One wishes to know
There are some on offer, but they’re for people who don’t have much of a hope of getting a meaningful job later on in life. The only reason you do a course like Retail or Home Ec is (usually) if you don’t intend to go to University. It’s harder to become a doctor than it is to have a retirement plan, and your latter will be better if you are the former, so you focus on the one that is more important.
Bricker:
Guns aren’t an issue in my country that doesn’t think it’s a person’s inaliable right to own a killing device. I never saw a gun until I was 17 (in the holster on a police officer’s belt), and guns aren’t really a problem in our high schools. To us, guns in schools are an American thing.
I stay away from fights because I tend to lose them. In general, it’s just good old fisticuffs, although I could imagine knives could be involved if the participants were particularly hardcore.
Essentially, not an issue.
I meant to answer this one before and forgot. Sorry about that. Anyway, in my experience, there is very little major violence in my school, and I don’t think anything really would happen. Some kids have been caught with weapons (knives, mostly, but apparently somebody brought in nunchucks once), but nothing ever came of it. There have been a few fistfights in the middle of the cafeteria, but those are easily stopped by teachers in a matter of seconds after they start because inevitably, the morons start the fight directly in front of the main office door where all the teachers and the police officer stationed in our school congregate.
I’m not afraid and I don’t think anything really bad will ever happen to me at school so long as I avoid the obvious trouble spots.
Background: 18/f/Australia, uni student
Definitely a vampire. Mmmmm Lestat…
Ummm, I never liked boybands. Like someone said, they are targeted at younger teens and weren’t really as prolific or popular when I was that age.
Welll, I don’t know what it was like before; I’ve just recently started getting cable. Sometimes I have it on in the background and watch when a song I like comes on.
Well, I don’t think I wear too much makeup… some people might think I do. Sometimes I wear makeup to experiment with different looks. Sometimes I wear makeup because my face is a bit burnt. Sometimes I just don’t wear any. Sometimes I wear it because I like putting it on and seeing the (possibly imagined) effect.
Hmmm… I have only done this once, and it was at a club (no one would have been able to hear me anyway :p), and it was when I saw one of my guy friends from uni there (I didn’t expect to see him).
I’m Australian, and we don’t have Amish people here, and I don’t have a clue what Mennonite is, sorry!
I don’t think you can. If they want to they will. The most you can do is give them information.
A few people from my school were expelled for weed, but I never came into contact with any at school. (Out of school is a different matter.)
Ummm, don’t nag?! Ask, request, don’t order. Treat them as if they are an adult in the way you talk to them. This will show you have respect for them.
Another thing my mum (she brought me up) doesn’t do is nag me (except about clearing up after myself – I am a very forgetful person). I am 18 now, but when I was in school if I didn’t want to study for the test, I didn’t have to. She said that it was up to me, because it was my future I was deciding.
Ha ha. Well, the answer to this one is – if you did it and you turned out alright, why is it such a bad thing?
I never tried to upset my parents. If I did something wrong, I just never let them find out! I am a peace-loving creature – I don’t like conflict with people I like/respect, so I try to keep conflict to a minimum. (This doesn’t mean I don’t like a good ol’ argument! )
Again, I think if they are going to have sex, nothing you can do will stop them. Your attitudes towards sex (in general, not just concerning them) will probability affect their judgment. You can really only inform them of safe sex practices and of the consequences.
No. I think there is a big distinction between weed and things like heroin and cocaine. (I have never even met anyone who has tried heroin or cocaine.)
I think it is up to the sort of kid you have. I have inner motivation, so it was never a problem for me (my mum). (So, I can’t answer this q really.)
Well, I was never distanced from my mum, but my brother is. It depends on the individual I think. Although, respect for opinions and such goes a long way.
I do that. grins I do it because I like my belly, it is a bit toned, and I like showing it off. It is also cooler (as in not as hot).
Well, I am already 18. I was hanging out for 18 when I was 17. I graduated high school last year and I am having such a great year so far, uni is so much better than school, and being 18 is so much better than being 17. Besides the obvious, it is great being able to go the pubs and clubbing and casinos (not that I gamble), there is much better scope for entertainment.
The only thing I hate about uni is that all my friends who have fulltime jobs are earning so much more!
The only thing I miss is colouring in. 
Nahh, I don’t miss it.
Depends on the day. Sometimes I like myself, sometimes I don’t. I wish I had bigger boobs, I wish I was taller. I like that I can do flips, I like my hair…
Hmmmm… Earning lots of money in a job that allows me 6 months off per year to travel overseas with lots of investment property and in a great relationship.
Hmmm… What’s everyone’s number one goal? To be supremely happy! I don’t really have a number one goal – maybe graduate?
Every teenager is different, so none could really be accurate. It is impossible to fully pigeon-hole people.
Well, I never went through a “hate the parents” stage.
I think it looks stupid. One of my friends wears his pants down under the edge of his boxers. He says he does it because it’s “comfy”. At least you can only tell when he takes his shirt off because he wears long enough shirts to cover it.
Well, I don’t know about them, but I my life ebbs and flows in relation to busy-ness. When I am on the run all day (like yesterday sigh) all I want is to sleeeeep.
Hmmm… Well, mine would be that some of them are not open minded enough. One particular peeve of mine is that my mum acknowledges that ear piercing is the same as any other piercing (the difference being ear-piercing is socially acceptable), but she still doesn’t approve of any other piercing. Mum, exactly what is wrong with any other piercing? Huh?
Hmmm… in HS, people generally hung out with people they identified with, so forming “groups”, but there wasn’t really resentment between groups. There was a group who thought they were “cool”, made up of maybe 10 people, but the rest of the grade didn’t like them (I think the group thought that everyone wanted to be them, but they were WRONG! ).
Anecdote: I was walking past a group of girls from above-mentioned group. They were talking huddled in a group bitching about Girl A. I walked past them again 5 minutes later and Girl A had joined the huddle and they were bitching about Girl B, who had just left the huddle.
I just laughed.
Incidentally, two people from this group have been killed in a road accident, and one had his leg amputated. They were going 160k’s in a 60 zone and fishtailing. (These were the kind of people who “laugh in the face of danger”.)
I haven’t seen it. Of my friends who smoke, they are more likely to say “don’t do it!” than “hey man have a drag.”
Well, in my legal studies class we had to go through all the steps of buying a house.
Generally, if you are doing subjects to get you into uni, no, but if not there are subjects that include cooking and sewing and suchlike. (I think parents should be teaching kids this kind of thing anyway.)
I didn’t worry about violence at school at all. Physical abuse rarely occurred.
If there are any errors in the above post it will be a typo or I will have been mistaken as to how to spell the word. I will not be apologising for it or pointing it out! (Just so you know! :D)
Actually I’ve noticed a sort of code of honor with pot heads. Everyone of them I’ve talked to says they they wouldn’t even consider doing cocaine. “That sh*t ruins your life” was one of their comments. Even the hard core smokers (I knew a guy who would smoke weed maybe 3 times a day. After about two months he was unable to phrase a complete sentence.) refused to do harder drugs. I’m not sure of their sincerity, at some point they might see cocaine or heroine as a better way to get high, however some seemed to understand the risks of taking more powerful drugs.
I’ve just started high school and as far as I can tell there isn’t. The groups are composed of people who were friends at their former schools. All the kids from my former school talk and hang out. Its the same for the kids who went to other schools. Some groups are merging a bit, but there is not group of just jocks or just nerds. My group consists of 3 nerds (sorry guys, but your nerds…) a jock, a dumb kid, and 2 well rounded kids(Guess which I am!). Groups consist more of friends, then of people that fall under the same stereotype.
Blue Curls what Uni do you go to?
I got to UQ (St Lucia and Ippie.)
Are you at uni too? 
Heh… I’m at UQ too. Probably seen you round campus :).