Are there lasers in prison? Tax chickens?
I enjoy these threads.
How do really big birds fly?
Like penguins.
So, if it weren’t for our One Trick Pony[sup]TM[/sup], Esprix (who is in fact Hermie, the Elf who wanted to be a dentist), I would not be married to Weirddave. I got hooked on the boards because of an Ask the Gay Guy thread. But yeah, I’m there with the whole ENOUGH ALREADY.
Oh, so you got yours and now to hell with the rest of us, right? Nice.
Did it ever occur to you that some of us might be waiting for a similar opportunity? Sure, I sit around and mostly lurk, and pop up to make the occasional stupid one-line comment…but one of these days, someone’s gonna start an “Ask the single, intelligent, self-assured, red-headed middle-aged-geek-fetishist girl” thread, and I’m gonna shine. SHINE, I tell you!
I was dying to post an “Ask the pirate who has a steering wheel down the front of his pants!” thread, but the whole thing has gotten a little out of hand.
Besides, we all know what the first question would be.
So, how did you get the steering wheel down your…
Oh, sorry - wrong thread. Wouldn’t want to hijack! But oh, how I wish someone would start a thread where I could ask these important questions!
Esprix
I really don’t think Hamadryad is gonna start an “Ask the…” thread. You’re probably outta luck there.
Did she ever say what the 300 Bic razors and 55 gallon drum of rubbing alcohol were for? Missed the last part of the show.
Asshat may be too harsh. Let’s go with “ButtocksBeret.” 
Sua
Hiney chapeau?
He’s married, so I haven’t technically dated him, but one of my closest friends is pretty close. He’s a former fundamentalist who’s now a Wiccan and is a sailor who was a corpsman in the Navy. Close enough for you? I’m not sure how ambidextrous he is.
Actually, I’ve found the "Ask the ____ " threads to be incredibly informative, especially Esprix’s “Ask the Gay Guy” in all it’s incarnations and martin_ibn_martin’s “Ask the Muslim Guy” thread. Welcome to the Board, by the way. What’s particularly neat is if there’s a question I’m too embarassed to ask, chances are someone else isn’t. Esprix, you’ve done a lot to dispel my ignorance. Thank you.
CJ
Hey, I post here too you know.:mad:
Could I make a suggestion? You can restate the topic of almost any thread that isn’t itself a question as an “Ask the _____”. To wit:
“My philosphy senior paper has been nominated for an award!”
becomes
“Ask the person whose philosophy paper has been nominated for an award!”
“I just got hit by a car. I think I’m in shock.”
becomes
“Ask the person who has just been hit by a car and who thinks he may be in shock.”
So it’s not the idea of talking about oneself that people find objectionable, it’s the format of the “Ask the _____” thread, where someone states a fact about themselves and expects people to ask questions. It wouldn’t do to ban these threads, because many of them have been informative and interesting, and besides, what specifically would be banned? The phrasing “Ask the”? Someone could just start a thread called “Is there anything you want to know about me, the Elvis impersonator? Because I’ll gladly answer any questions you might have.”
No, people are reacting against the “Ask the _____” threads by starting obviously stupid ones, like the girl with the blister on her thumb. Why not confine all “Ask the _____” threads to MPSIMS? That way, it would be a foregone conclusion that the topic of the thread is either mundane or pointless or both, and people wouldn’t feel the need to smartassedly react against it by starting an even more mundane and pointless thread.
I’m sure the mods are tired of closing these “protest” threads, and this might cut down on the number of people who feel the need to be wiseasses and start them.
Just a suggestion.
Is anyone else just about ready to start an “Ask the moderator to close all the superfluous ‘Ask the’ threads” thread? I’m amazed that Euty hasn’t gone into a meltdown by now.
I was gonna start a "ask the Alaska guy part II " because I’d LIKE to do away with some misconceptions of this state. But I am so sick of ask the threads I decided not to.
Ask the person from a small town in Southeast Kansas
Ask the person from a small town in Southeast Kansas!!!
c’mon!!enough!!!
Hey, reprise, why don’t you start a “Ask the person who’s pissed off about all the ‘Ask the _______ Person’ threads.”
Ask me or I will kill again.
Pfft! Threats, SmileyDeath, mean nothing to Dopers who laugh at your words, and say – “Enough with th’ ‘Ask the-’ threads, already!!!” 
I was going to start an “Ask the guy with opposable thumbs,” but I think I’ll wait a bit.
ask the guy who wants a prehensile tail really bad…