Aspiring Advice Columnists: Help talk an acquaintance out of modeling on a porn site

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

A little background (Or Dear Abby):
A co-worker’s, friend’s third cousin (twice removed) from an adoptive foster family whom I know in passing (let’s call him Sherman) is in the process of contracting with a small, established porn entrepreneur and showing his wares on a premium (pay as you go) internet fetish sex site.

Sherman’s got a pretty decent job and really doesn’t need the money. From the best I can gather, he’s doing it for fun. Well fun (or cheap thrills if you wish) and probably to impress the site’s owner: A person who could be described as a very attractive, sensual, dancer (the antithesis of Al Goldstein) whom he is just starting to date (lets call him Hector). Hector owns the site, models on it himself, and decided a few years ago collecting annual membership fees made alot more cents than doing it gratis.

To make things just a little more complicated, rumor has it Sherman and Hector had a one-time, semi-anonymous sexual liaison about 4 years ago. Upon stumbling across an internet personals ad placed by Hector, Sherman quickly contacted him and the two are now in the first stages of dating. Initial signs indicate the two are quite compatible. When the existence of such a site was first brought up, Hector asked Sherman (who’s racy pictures he had seen and who’s body he had more than a limited knowledge of) if he’d be willing to model on the site.

The material is definitely tilted more toward the raunchy than the artistic and I can only assume that would be the characteristic of most, if not all, sexual fetish websites.

Something tells me Sherman shouldn’t pose / model on Hector’s site. No one, however, can really challenge it on moral grounds. For starters, Sherman made a few dollars at the beginning of the C-U-C-Me craze as a live webcam host and he’s definitely got an exhibitionist streak in him. Secondly, Sherman’s always been one of those ‘live and let live’ types – describing him as a moralist would be quite a stretch.

The only verbal argument anyone can come up with thus far to dissuade Sherman from pursuing a part-time hobby in the skin trade is the effect on his reputation.

–Does he really want his naked image saved on hard drives throughout the world?
–What if his family, or even worse – his kids find out!?!
–Just imagine the ribbing he’d get at his job or his business if someone was to find out – I can come up with at least 100 nicknames and smart-cracks in ten seconds flat.
–What if he and Hector became an item – will it have a negative effect on the relationship?
–Will the paltry sum he’ll earn flashing his skinny ass around cover the cost of buying back his reputation? I think not.

As evidence, I gave Frenchy from that singing idol show as an example. She’s in the cast of Rent and we saw her on the last night of her 2 week gig at XL in Chelsea. Imagine where she’d be today if she wasn’t flashing her tits around on a BBW website. I’d be willing to bet it wouldn’t be doing a lounge act for John Blair.

So aspiring advice columnists, philosophers, common sense types, smart-alecks & drama queens: What ammunition can you offer to help in the dissuasion process. Any insight or opinions would be greatly appreciated.

2

If the person really is a mere acquaintance, and not your brother, bosom pal, or something, I’d recommend a big dose of MYOB.

Beyond that, I have absolutely nothing helpful to offer. Sorry.

3

I can’t say that you have any right to disuade someone from expressing their sexuality.

4

Hang on. Expressing one’s sexuality is just fine; that doesn’t mean doing it by publishing photos online is wise.

My argument would be that once you’ve put your photo on a site, that photo will always be out there, no matter what. You have no control over who is going to see it, how it’s going to be used, or when it’ll pop up again. Sherman may indeed be a free spirit, and that’s great. He may not always feel like being such a free spirit later in life, and he might prefer not to express his free spirit in front of, say, his great-aunt Ethel. If he puts his pictures on the internet now, he will have no choice in the matter later on.

5

I agree that unless you are particularly close to this person, you should probably just MYOB. But if I were to give advice anyway…

Here’s my advice and is based on actual happenings. There is an especially less-than-attractive woman at my office. She once made the mistake of telling someone that she runs her own porn site (she is the sole model) to make extra money. Needless to say, that person told a person who told a person, etc. Now everybody in the office knows about it and it’s quite a big joke. I doubt anyone has brought it up to her, but boy, oh boy, do people talk about it behind her back.

Do you wanna have everyone you know laughing at you behind your back?

6

If Hector owns the site and models on it himself, why would he and Sherman’s becoming an item after Sherman starts modeling be an issue?

If she hadn’t “flashed her tits” nobody would remember her name.

7

Why don’t you ask the friend how the friend would feel about scanning current paychecks and posting them on the internet to live forever, and ever, and ever???

8

If your friend is sure it’s what they want to do, then I doubt anyone’s going to change their mind.

On the other hand, if they’re having even the slightest doubt, at the risk of being all holier-than-thou I would probably point out that money comes and goes, but the feeling of being morally bankrupt has a bad habit of sticking around.

Not that I’m implying people who would do this without a thought are morally bankrupt, I just mean some people would be ok with it, others not, and feeling like crap about yourself is never a good thing. I mean that morals are a subjective thing, so a person could feel morally bankrupt over something that’s really not so evil. Am I just digging myself in deeper? I’ll shut up now.

9

Honestly I don’t see what is wrong with it. There are so many naked pictures on the Internet out there that the chance of one coming back to haunt you is pretty slim. I’ve seen at least three pictures that look convincingly like me, even though I’ve never put any of mine up.

And if your friend has an exhbitionist side- well, he gets off on this sort of thing. He’ll probably have tons of fun taking the pictures.

10

Your best bet here is to show this person exactly what the consequences of doing this are. Surely out there in google land there must be reference to a case where someone deeply regretted a nude pose in their past…one or two links via email should do the trick.

11

Have him draw a big freakin’ tattoo-like thing on his shoulder or his pecs or his ass cheek or someplace that will be visible in the pics. It should look realistic and natural, like one of those barbed-wire things around the upper arm, but it should also wash off easily. That way, he poses for his pictures, but if someone asks him about it later, he can say, “Nope, not me, but you’re not the first person to ask. That guy has a tattoo. I don’t. See?” Then he can lift his sleeve or drop his pants or whatever.