Ok, here’s a thought exercise for you people - How do I become the new ‘Tom Clancy’, the biggest blockbuster author ever to conquer a market?
Assume the following:
that I have no artistic integrity - I’m only in it for the money.
that I can write well enough to simulate the turgid prose of a blockbuster author.
that I have a blockbuster-worthy idea (perhaps involving a cookie-cutter team of forensic scientists / commandos / idealistic Southern lawyers who are investigating biblical prophecies and solving tricky murders while infiltrating behind enemy lines. And the enemies are DINOSAURS, man!)
that I can write a decent, complex plot.
that I have the phone numbers of a couple of publishers, literary agents etc.
So how do I get from idealistic rube with a penny in my pocket and a twinkle in my eye to a world-straddling behemoth of book sales?
Tom Clancy became "Tom Clancy!"because lightning struck. Nobody can ever know in advance who is going to become the one huge name out of a group of superficially similar writers.
You’re doomed. One quality that all superblockbuster authors have in common is that they fervently believe in the utter validity of what they are doing. That sincerity is what people respond to and why people who think like your quote never are heard from again.
Come on, they can’t all be in it for the sake of their art. You’d think they’d at least write their own books if that were the case…
Just to clarify things, I’d like to think that I do in fact have integrity, but since this is a hypothetical anyway, I thought I’d move that little potential obstacle out of the way from the get-go.
…Let’s just say that I have a hypothetical ability to fake a sincere interest in my characters, plots and so on.
Snoooopy, there are, of course, attractive members of each sex on the team of futuristic coroner-commando-lawyers. This could generate a bit of URST and some coy sex scenes. Full-on porn doesn’t seem to be a central element of most Tom-Clancy-style thrillers.
Pizzabrat, I’ve heard the phrase “blockbuster” used for major popular writers / books as well. Both blockbuster movies and books have a similar effect of temporarily monopolising the market in their area.
No, but that’s not my point. You believe that integrity is essential to selling books for a young author, but that it’s a negligible factor for an established best-seller? Heck, even if I don’t have any integrity at all, but am able to fake a sincere concern about my characters and a sincere belief in my work’s artistic merits, what’s the difference?
Once again, these aren’t my actual beliefs. I’m not writing a blockbuster, and I wouldn’t out to bilk people out of their hard-earned cash. I merely mentioned the ‘integrity’ thing in the OP to get it out of the way.
"I am a coroner-commando-lawyer. First, I’m going to kill you with my machine gun. Then, using my coroner skills, I’m going to figure out how you died. Barring something unforeseen, this part shouldn’t take very long. Then, I’m going to defend myself in court for killing you. I’m not a very good lawyer, since I spend so much time killing people and figuring out how they died, so I’ll probably have to blow up the courtroom, killing everyone within. And so the cycle repeats itself … "
lambchops, You can’t fake it. That’s the whole point. You have to believe wholeheartedly that every word you write is exactly what you would want to read yourself if you had a gun at your head.
This is as completely true for the blockbuster author as for the literary one. Probably more so. Definitely more so.
This is also what most people simply don’t understand. They see the bad prose, silly characters, and absurd plotlines and think that it was done with utter contempt for the reader. Wrong. Exactly the opposite is true.
You can’t approach it cynically. You can’t try to simulate turgid prose. You can’t try to imitate anything that’s happened before. You can’t grind it out.* Your premise is flawed from the git-go. The publishing world does not and never has worked that way. Blockbusters are born, not made.
But I now understand you were looking for a parody thread that would stomp on the awfulness of books you don’t like and authors who have written five books too many. OK, sorry to spoil your fun by bringing in the real world.
*You can get published by doing this. Every blockbuster spawns lots of books that are written this way. Many of them are better in every normal writing class way than the original. But you’ve never heard of them or their authors.
Am I the only person in the world who just wants to write fun stuff for other people to read? I want to write a blockbuster novel, something that sells millions of copies and makes me a household name. I’m dying for the day to come when someone starts a thread in Cafe Society (or the Pit) talking about what a hack writer I am, and how my works can’t stand up to Hemingway and Thoreau. I’ll read and grin and know that at least people are reading what I wrote. And the whole time, I’ll continue trying to be the best damn writer I can be. Because you can’t do it if you don’t try very, very hard.
I’m not looking for a parody thread - I’m looking for an explanation of how you get from guy with a couple of writing skills and a good idea or two to a best-selling author. It’s almost a GQ.
I disagree with your premise that real emotion is necessary - look how well ghost-written spin-offs sell. How can they be invested with real emotion by Tom Clancy if Tom just supplied the plot outline and his name on the cover?
I know you disagree, but can we leave the issue of “why” aside (start a GD thread if you like, I’d happily debate the issue there) and get to the nitty-gritty of how?
Kings_Gambit1 already answered you in the second post. But I’ll expand on it.
Finish a book.
Write a query letter.
Submit said query letter to literary agent.
Repeat step 3 until book is accepted by agent.
Hope agent sells book to publisher.
Continue writing more books that agent sells to publisher.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Of course, in reality you will be continuing with step 1 no matter what step you’re on. Basically, it almost sounds as if you’re asking how to get rich quick as a writer (or famous, or whatever). You don’t. If you could, everyone would do it.
Now, here are a few ways to increase your chances even if your talent is not up to par: know someone and/or work as an editor in a major publishing house.
Well, can you really fake the encyclopedic knowledge and very strong interest that Tom Clancy has in his topics (whether you like them or not)? Nope.
If you’re just in it for the money, you’re not gonna be able to write a long (Clancy’s books often break 1000 pages), interesting, knowledgeable plot that’ll sell off the shelves. The fanbase will realize you’re a fraud.
Deadly, your information is a little more useful than Kings Gambit, but I still don’t know how you get from decent book to colossal best-seller.
How do the publishers decide whether they’re going to promote the hell out of a book, or just put a couple of thousand copies on a shelf and see if they sell? Or do all books go down this second route? If a publisher wanted to promote you as the next big thing, how would they do it?
I’m really interested in hearing from publishers etc on this one, or anyone with experience of the industry. Could someone send up the Eve-signal, if you wouldn’t mind?
Luck. Seriously. There’s no way of truly knowing beforehand if your book is going to be the next Harry Potter, or the next $0.99 discount bin special.
They follow the money. If they think they can see a way to market your book to the masses, then they’ll do so. No, all books don’t go the second route, but most authors do. Rarely is a new author worth that sort of hype, simply because they’re unlikely to earn back everything with their first book. My most realistic chance with my current novel is that it’ll sell to a publisher as a paperback novel, have a small success, and that the publisher will be interested in the next in the series. But first I have to get an agent since publishers very rarely accept unagented submissions.
Literally how would they do it? In-store promotions, magazine ads, reviews in major publications, talk shows. Possibly commercials. The same way you advertise almost any product, really.
Procure Mission Impossible style lifelike latex Tom Clancy mask.
Intercept Mr. Clancy as he travels by private jet to a booksigning. Preferably, you will accomplish this step via an elaborate scheme involving lots of improbable midair transfers between airplanes a la Air Force One, or that shitty movie where Steven Seagal dies.
Kill Mr. Clancy. Dispose of his body in an undetectable fashion. This step should also involve an elaborate scheme. The more elaborate the better. Hang the body out the back of a plane on a cable trailing through shark infested water. Flashfreeze the corpse in liquid nitrogen, shatter it, grind the frozen shards into powder, and spread it over several hundred miles of the Midwest. Whatever. Just make sure nobody’s ever going to find it.