'At Time The Dragon Got In The Back Yard (An Exercise In Sentence Construction)

Waaaal, there was that one time ‘at dragon got into the back yard because the neighbor won’t stop leaving meat scraps in the damn garbage, and then he climbed the fence and saw the cat, miracle he didn’t wreck the fence, and he decides he’s goin’ after the cat, and I hear the caterwauling and I run outside and the cat’s run under the deck, and the damn dragon’s got his head and neck under the damn deck and I run up and I kick him in the butt to make him leave the damn cat alone, and then he wallops me with his tail, he was just a little one, thank ghod, can’t breathe fire or nothin’, but he still took me off my feet with that tail, and then he commences to goin’ after the cat again, and I knew damn good and well that he’s going to tear the damn deck apart before Animal Control can get here, so I had to take a shovel to the damn dragon, beat the hell out of him, and he COULD have got away, but no, he’s all invested in the damn cat, and by now he’s knocked the corner of the deck off the pier and it’s all cattywompus, an’ now he’s got his HEAD caught under there, deck done FELL on him, but I can still hear the CAT howlin’, cat’s between two joists, and the damn dragon’s still snappin’ at her…

…and I had to beat the poor dumb thing to death with a shovel.

The dragon, that is, not the cat.

Cat was fine, but 'er tail was all poofed up like a bottlebrush for the rest of the day. Took the rest of the afternoon to get the deck back on the pier, though.

Damn dragon.

Still got his skull in the rumpus room.

By the way? Don’t try to make jerky out of a dragon. It don’t work.

I hope the little dragon doesn’t have a momma out there somewhere who’s looking for him. She might not be best pleased with you.

I might have considered that before I spent a weekend with the hydraulic jacks gettin’ the back deck back on the piers.

Best part of the story? Showin’ the picture of the dragon skull that’s on my phone to the seventh graders and watching their uncertain expressions as to whether the old man is pullin’ their legs or not. The above was written as a demonstration of the types of clause in a sentence.

Oh, okay, as long as it’s not dragon claws. Or would that be talons?

Someone doesn’t agree.


“Made From Angus Beef.”

I have since found you CAN make reptile jerky, but it don’t work like beef does…

Grendel’s modor.

Does it taste like chicken?