We are expected to feel varying degrees of devastation based solely on the age at which someone shuffles off this mortal coil, regardless of whether we know anyone involved. What age sounds the saddest when you hear of a death?
Whatever age I am.
No seriously, I have no idea. I was pretty heartbroken when an acquaintance crashed his car and seriously injured or damaged all of his family, killing himself.
- The baby was in a car seat but the car seat was not secured and it bounced out, giving her permanent brain damage
- one teen was killed
- the other teen was permanently crippled
- the child was killed
- the mom lived
- dad died
- grandma and grandpa both died
I guess in order it’d have to go from the child to the teen to the dad to grandparents? But I don’t really know.
That is every kind of horrible and maybe worst of all for the survivors.
Yes. They were driving overnight in the minivan and the driver fell asleep and went over an embankment. No one was properly buckled in. They are the people who bought our house, which is why I say acquaintance.
That story was a long time ago and I’ve never forgotten it. 
Trying to be objective about it, I went with the 9-12 group. That’s the age group where a person is statistically least likely to die so by default I’d define a death during those years as most tragic.
A theory I’ve heard is that death is most traumatic when it happens to someone who is on the cusp of breeding age (in our culture that would be late teens I’d guess) . In that scenario, all the resources devoted to child rearing are wasted as the child cannot procreate.
Personally I’d say baby or toddler is the worst to hear about a death.
I would say someone who is on the cusp of adulthood. You’ve struggled through the steep learning curve of childhood, and now you’re just about at the age where you can finally run your own life - drink beer, travel the world, have sex, make babies, whatever - and then it doesn’t happen because you die. It seems a bit like building a 747 and having it crash during the very first takeoff.
“The cusp of adulthood” is difficult to define, but I’d put it in the range of 13-20 years of age - old enough to really comprehend what adulthood is and the fact that you will actually become an adult in a few years’ time. I think kids younger than that don’t really comprehend the entirety of their future.
Part of me leans toward calling this absurd, but then we really do reach a point in old age where we see death coming. That doesn’t make it non-tragic, but if you see it coming from ten years away, the event itself carries much less tragedy. (Having lost my mother in law that way, I’m not downplaying the grief that comes at that moment when it becomes final, but my own mother died within hours of a bicycle accident in her thirties and that was a different experience.)
I think a miscarriage or a stillborn baby is also less tragic. While you have lost lots of potential and those emotions still feel very real, you have not lost a person you’ve actually come to know.
So if I can rule out some options on either end, I guess I can commit myself to picking something that is most tragic, and I think I’d have to go with 13-18. Old enough to have experienced their personality, seen their potential, seen them growing toward their peak… and yet not old enough to have put all that potential into practice. Also, not old enough to have been able to make their own decisions for their own lives as independent adults.
I can’t really choose a peak age, but to me, the death of a five-year-old is much worse than that of an infant. There has been greater investment of time and effort, and the child has a well-formed personality, but is still innocent and not yet capable of behaving unforgivably. Even 5-year-old Hitler probably was not so bad. The child is probably known to others outside the family at this age and may be missed by friends, teachers, etc., so there is potentially greater net suffering
But it isn’t really less worse when a six-year-old dies, so maybe then there is a plateau for a few years. By twelve, the kid could be a real jerk, purposely strangling puppies, molesting babies, or whatever, so they aren’t inherently worthy of the greatest degree of protection, like an infant or toddler. Not that their behavior means they deserve to die, but the loss of someone who causes others harm is arguably less sad than someone who does not. Of course leading a terrible life could be seen as even more tragic, as they now have no chance of redemption and maybe did not even get to experience any real joy or pleasure in their time here.
My firstborn son died at six.
My father’s firstborn son died just short of fifty-six.
I don’t know that either death was any easier on my dad.
And pretty much every kid who died in Viet Nam and other wars.
Where have all the flowers gone?
About 2 seconds before it happens.
What?
My daughter is two and a half, so toddler, I guess.
But yeah, I think there’s definitely a difference. My grandpa died just over three years ago and my best friend was killed just over five.
My grandpa was in his 70s, married for fifty-six years, knew his great-grandchildren, etc. He lived a long, good life.
My best friend was killed when he was 28 just days before he finished his last deployment before he separated from the military and moved to Santa Barbara to go to college. Oh, and he had just gotten engaged (cliche, right?). I was definitely sadder for my best friend than for my grandfather, despite the fact that my grandpa and I were incredibly close.
Yeah, agreed. It’s clearly the biggest loss for society–all the investment and none of the return. But it’s also tragic for the individual for many of the same reasons. I put the 19-29 range, though it would be in the earlier part of that range.
19-29. To me that age still has some potential that has started to develop. Before that is a crap shoot and after more a known factor.
For me, I can sum it up this way: As long as they have at least one living parent.
Parents are not supposed to outlive their children.
That’s a modernism. Throughout most of history, it has not been uncommon for children to die before six or seven.
I didn’t vote, but I think it’s between 18-40. People in that age range have usually had a big investment made in them, first by their parents raising them, and then often in education. Before 40, a person is unlikely to have made a significant dent in paying that investment forward, in terms of a contribution to the world. So it’s a tremendous waste.
Plus, in that age range, people are likely to leave behind parents who are incredibly heartbroken (because they lose a child they had a long relationship with), as well as minor children who will not get to know their parent well or benefit from their love and care, and/or a life partner whose whole life gets shattered (financially, emotionally, socially), usually unexpectedly.
I’m torn between picking an age range and saying it’s absurd. To my mind, death is tragic at any age but in a way, what makes it more or less tragic is the perception of how many other people are affected by it.
1 – 4
It may certainly be true that it is more tragic for the family of the deceased to deal with the death of someone older, only because they have had a longer time to get to know and love that child/sibling/etc.
But, for the individual who dies, I believe 1-4 is most tragic. Science appears to place the age of consciousness flaming on within the 1st year post-partum (5-months is the latest age I’ve read). An argument can be made that it’s not overly tragic for someone to die before becoming conscious (i.e. can’t miss what they never had). But, once consciousness begins, everything henceforth is an almost magical journey of exploration and assimilation. Their brains are almost literally like sponges, soaking up everything they encounter. Life, for them, is magic and 100% full of potential.
To have that flame extinguished so shortly after flaming on is indeed tragedy of the highest form.
Not to say that untimely death of anyone is not tragic, but at least older children/young adults have had at least some chance to experience and reflect on life. Having a 1-4 year old die before being able to reflect on what experiences he or she has been voraciously soaking up is just not fair. It’s tragic to the extreme.