I picked the same option and for pretty much the same reasons.
We have a similar situation around politics. If anyone in my family asks “are we liberals or conservatives?” I answer “well. I am a liberal but you’ll have to answer for yourself when you understand the question.” but - as Dawkins often points out - my kids are much less likely to run into aggressive questioning about their political identity.
I brought this up with my kids last night. My eldest son said that religion never comes up with his friends - though he knows that most of them are Christian. My youngest’s friends often swap notes about religion though - her friends are hearty mix of catholic, Muslim and Hindu - so I will continue to help her understand and be ready for the tougher questions that might come.
It’s for situations like this that I always quite liked The Bright’s statement of creed - “I believe in a naturalistic worldview without supernatural or mystical elements” - because it is a positive statement of belief rather than a negative statement (I am not religious or I don’t believe in god).
I think a child-friendly version of that would be an appropriate response.
We are Unitarians. My husband is an atheist. I’m a deist. My son is agnostic in the “I don’t care” sense. My daughter an atheist.
As Unitarians we teach our children to be respectful of everyone’s beliefs. (Well, within reason…some people believe some really stupid shit worthy of mockery…it perhaps isn’t living according to the seven principles…) This also means that they are free to choose their own path (I suspect my son will end up Christian eventually - he’s a ‘lets get along’ kind of guy and that’s the ‘let’s get along’ path. He won’t be a holy roller, and he may not even believe, but he might end up a semi regular church goer in a mainstream liberal protestant church - a lot depends on who he chooses as his life partner - but he is eleven - I have some time.)
My son doesn’t care. So his natural inclination is to avoid the topic. My daughter likes to argue, so she defends her beliefs.
So we don’t teach them much other than to try and be respectful.
By the way, we started going fairly regularly to the Unitarian church to provide my kids with a simple answer to “what religion are you” or “where do you go to church.” As well as provide the cultural literacy around religion that is part of participating in a diverse society.
I didn’t answer the question because my wife and I did the same. Oh, the kids knew we were Jewish and we did things like hold an abbreviated seder and Chanuka presents. (No tree, though). They knew that some of their friends did go to church or whatever, but they never showed the slightest interest in supernatural explanations of things and were pretty thoroughly immersed in scientific knowledge.
Now all three are married with children and, to my knowledge, none of their kids have had any exposure to religion. Which is fine with me.
I am trying,without sarcasm, to teach my children that church is a place to meet people and network as the human animal is a creature of a herd BUT ( this is the sarcasm part) it is mainly about power, control and fairy tales that will never come true.
This is what I’m trying to do as well. I live in the Bible belt and was raised by a very religious family, so my kids are proselytized to all the time. I’m an atheist and want my kids to choose their own road, but not just by doing what everyone else does, or because the scary man behind the pulpit says so…
Nah, I actually want my children to be atheists, but I know I can’t *make *them anything. My hope is that they’ll use their minds and reach the same conclusion I did.
If they lack knowledge about religion, they will grow up ignorant of an important aspect of human culture, unable to fully understand their history, current events, or symbolism in art and literature.
Heck…I am pretty well athiest now but was brought up strong Catholic. Even seriously considered becoming a priest at one point. It is hard to give it up and it is a long process.
My son was brought up with no religion. When he was 15 he asked many questions about it. I volunteered to take him to mass if he wanted. He thought about it for about 3 days…then said no.
My daughter was also brought up with no religion. However, she is somewhat militant about it. She thinks it is ‘stupid’ and ‘can’t believe people believe that stuff’. She even refuses to date religious boys. I tried bringing up the subject to her once that just because a boy is religious that doesn’t mean he is bad (talk about topsy turvey from my experience!) and she just looked at me, rolled her eyes and said ‘no way!’
The Dope would probably like her
However, childhood runs deep and if I was dying and a priest asked to give me last rites…I wouldn’t say no.
Heck…I am pretty well athiest now but was brought up strong Catholic. Even seriously considered becoming a priest at one point. It is hard to give it up and it is a long process.
My son was brought up with no religion. When he was 15 he asked many questions about it. I volunteered to take him to mass if he wanted. He thought about it for about 3 days…then said no.
My daughter was also brought up with no religion. However, she is somewhat strongly opinioned about it. She thinks it is ‘stupid’ and ‘can’t believe people believe that stuff’. She even refuses to date religious boys. I tried bringing up the subject to her once that just because a boy is religious that doesn’t mean he is bad (talk about topsy turvey from my experience!) and she just looked at me, rolled her eyes and said ‘no way!’
The Dope would probably like her
However, childhood runs deep and if I was dying and a priest asked to give me last rites…I wouldn’t say no.
My approach wouldn’t really fit any of the poll options, although is closest to ‘let them figure it out’ - but that sounds like you’re just leaving them to it with no input whatsoever.
I think it’s important to educate about religions, no point denying that they exists - faiths of all stripes have had a profound effect on history, culture and society. Leaving them to it without filling them in a bit on the hows, whens, whys, etc leaves them ill-equipped for understanding these aspects of our species. So, whenever I’m asked I try and state the facts dispassionately. For example; Hindus believe in reincarnation, Muslims believe Mohammed was a prophet, etc. These are just statements of fact without condoning or condemning, but still allows the mind to be made up.
But I would emphasise the importance of rational and critical thinking and champion the scientific method, as well as dissuading them from blind credulity.
I’m an atheist, potential mom-to-be (someday) is probably more agnostic.
If/when we have children, I’d like them to go to religious school, or public school with CCD. I was born and raised Catholic, and I think the exposure is very good for children. There’s a large world out there, with many different beliefs, and I’d want my children to be exposed to them.
I don’t fear having kids grow up to believe things differently than me. That’s what kids are for, no?
I believe it was **C3 **who introduced me to the Meming of Life blog and the associated books on secular parenting. I’ve really taken on board a lot of the ideas. We are trying to give our kids some religious literacy, and placing Christianity in its proper place on a continuum that includes Greek myths and Gilgamesh. We recently had a great conversation about Wednesday, Odin, Thor, Zeus, and why two cultures so far apart would have thunder/lightning gods.
There are two ideas, aside from religious literacy, that have really stuck with me. One is “you can change your mind as many times as you want.” I have said that to our (rather anxiety-prone) 6yo, and it seemed to really help her relax about this stuff. Also, we have emphasized that she can come to her own conclusions and she will still be a loved part of our family.
She has decided that she will say “to serve God” in the Girl Scout promise, mostly because it is what everyone does than any belief or understanding. She’s had theories ranging from “God is real . . . only not really real” to “Jesus was real, but he lived a long time ago with the dinosaurs.”
The biggest challenge I’ve found so far is finding resources that will teach her about Christianity without assuming it’s true. Children’s bibles and stuff tend to harp on, “And Jesus loves YOU so much, blah, blah, blah.” I finally just wrote my own book about the origin of Christmas for her!
First, I taught both of them to think logically. Then, as soon as they were old enough, we wen t through Genesis looking at the contradictions and foolishness. After that, they were free to go to any religious event with friends if they wanted to. They concluded that religion is silly at best, and are now both adults and both atheists. There was also a certain degree of role modeling, in that we both think science is important and neither care much about religion except for some rituals. I’ve had a seder, and my wife sometimes went with the kids to church Christmas Eve to hear carols. That stopped when they got old enough so we didn’t have to hide putting out the presents, though.
Since my kids are in Catholic school, I’ve pretty much stayed out of the whole debate. (Catholic schools in Ontario are funded equally along with the public system; that’s a topic for another debate though.)
Anyway, I let school teach them as required, and I play along. Recently I started a thread about my daughter telling me that she was sceptical and didn’t believe in God. She put forth good reasoning for a 12 year old and I told her I agreed with her.
So, my daughter and I are on the same page regarding Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and religion. Oh, and Easter bunny too. I’m not being condescending here; I’m stating facts about our beliefs.
This is pretty close to my own situation. Atheist me, Catholic wife, Catholic school for the kids. I don’t actively contradict what the school teaches, but I do tell them that it’s all just belief, that nobody actually knows for sure what the truth is, that they’re allowed to believe anything they want, but that they should really think about it and know that anyone who tells them they know is lying.
My oldest has become very interested in Hindu gods, and lately Greek mythology. I think she likes the idea of multiple gods and goddesses with individual personalities and stories. On the other hand, she can be a little stickler for Catholic rules as well. She admonishes me if she catches me eating meat on fridays during Lent. I have to go get burgers at the drive-through and eat them on the down low.
I was pretty much just raised heathen, myself—I think I’m 2nd or 3rd generation, actually—but also like Kyla, in the Bay Area, not a terribly religious place. Honestly, in between that, and never really being a social butterfly, it never really came up. My parents were always supportive of whatever approach my sister and I would’ve had towards religion, but my sister’s the only one who ever showed any interest, and then not till her teens (she converted to one of the myriad branches of protestantism—I think she’s lapsed, since). It was just never important.
Frankly, I’m grateful for the whole experience. I never felt like I was “missing” anything, but I really do think I gained a lot from coming from that unaffiliated “outsider” point of view. Y’know, like Siddhārtha, only not so stuck up.
Actually, come to think of it, I think the closest thing I had to any kind of “faith”—aside from some vague impression or hope for the afterlife-slash-ghosts—was in Santa Claus. And even then the last couple of years I pretty much knew he wasn’t real, but I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. Sort of a willful suspension of disbelief.
I teach them to argue that religion is wrong/silly/mistaken
As an atheist, I consider religion to be wrong. Why would I teach my child something I believe to be wrong? Simply because of tradition? Hell no I won’t let them just figure it out for themselves, that is an insult to my beliefs. Would I tell my child to learn the multiplication table for themselves, or long division? Would I tell them that the sun is a fiery chariot towing a god? None of these things are factual, yet I’m expected by many people to simply let the child figure it out? No way in hell am I doing that. To me, that would be almost like child abuse
I’m not a parent, but this is how I would approach it. I believe parents should teach their children how to think, without telling them what to think. My wife and I are non-religious, with similar histories: Both raised Catholic, both discarded it in our late teens.
