Attack of the grocery tards

It’s 11:30 PM at the Giant grocery store tonight and I’ve got a cart full of stuff for the Memorial Day weekend, including ice cream, I’m trying to get on the conveyor belt, out the door and home before it melts. I’m in luck. The one cashier line open is clear and I begin putting items on the belt very quickly and the cashier is moving with equal alacrity. It’s a good thing.

About half to a third of the way through the grocery checkout process I sense there’s some activity behind me in line but I don’t pay much attention as I’m humping diced tomato cans up onto the belt two at a time as fast as I can. The clerk rings me almost all the way through and suddenly this young woman (est 19-21 years of age) pipes up and says to me.

“Well… it would have been nice if you could have let us go ahead of you we only have two items and we’re real tired. Just so you know for next time.”

I’m stunned. :eek: Without tooting my own horn I’m really one of the more polite and deferential people I know IRL. I’m literally at a loss for words. The woman’s SO is embarrassed and nervous and is telling her that’s it’s just the luck of the draw. Whether this is because I’m big and scary looking or he has to to go through this all the time with her I would not hazard a guess.

And again (I suppose it bore repeating) “We only have two items. Just so you know… for next time.”

I tell her that I really did not know there was anyone behind me until she spoke up and it is obvious she does not believe me. I look at her agog at the stupidity of it all. :confused:

OK let’s recap Einstein, you assumedly walk up on me 1/3 ot 1/2 of the way through the check out process and you chastise me for not having eyes in the back of my head to see what you were carrying and not stopping the check out process in mid-stream so that you could move ahead with your two items. Ummm yeah. I am a total cad entirely lacking in the grocery graces. :rolleyes:

Lady… (where’s smashie when you need him) you are a grocery 'tard. I can only imagine the SO’s daily existence with this piece of work. :wally

Let’s get back to this humping diced tomato cans stuff… does it hurt?

Oh, and the lady most assuredly deserves the smashie!

Good grief. I have no sympathy for such people. What an idiot.

I, too, want to hear more about humping diced tomatos. My cat humps the blanket, but canned tomatos - that sounds uncomfortable.


Help a clueless fellow Kansan out…WTF is smashie?

(If it’s painful, she undoubtably deserved one. Perhaps several.)

Smashie was an animated smilie on our temporary boards. He was a smiley face with an animated hammer/gavel pounding, presumably on this twit’s pointy skull. I miss the little guy, sniff

OK that is just rude, retarded, and a sign of bad upbringing (or cross-breeding, even).

“Just so you know for the next time?” Do these lazy-ass chycks thinks they’re always going to be behind you?

I try to be as considerate as I can be in my grocery store, which is downtown and quite busy. I’ve never had a problem. If I have more than 12 items, I go to the other cashes. I’ve really never experienced this kind of thing, but I can imagine how it went down and how you felt. Sucks.

  • s.e.

This young lady could very well be the long lost illigitimate daughter of the woman who ran into my shopping cart at the checkout and then freaked out because I wasn’t watching where I was going. To be honest, I wasn’t even moving at the time.

After this she stood in line behind me a swore at me very quietly, she seemed to fond of the phrase “fucking asshole” and I just happen to have the hearing of a bat. I slowly turned to her, gave her my best “I’ve been off my meds for a month and would like to cook you up with these fava beans” stare and simply said “what was that?”. Her husband/boyfriend took her by the shoulder and told her to “shut the fuck up” which she did.

It was probably a good thing, I bet she would have been a little tough and chewy no matter how I cooked her up.

Even though I’m usualy polite to others in my grocery store, I often get way pissed off. Idiots who clog up the aisles pondering over stuff, when I know exactly what I need. Retards in the frozen aisle holding the doors open and tryiing to decide what they want. I know what I fucking want and need, dammit!


Fucking idiots. Make a list with the rest of us, and know the fucking layout of the store, so you’re not fuckiig wandering around with fucking ice cream you took out of the freezer 10 minutes ago, and now are looking for fucking garbanzo beans, wiith your screaming kid in your cart. O. g,and please buy 12 litres of diet Pepsi (or whatever) because it’s on special. That will really enhance my check-out experience.

Reminds me of a joke told by a stand-up whose name I can’t recall:

"I was in line at the grocery store with a full cart. Behind me was a guy with one item. I looked at him and said, “Hey, is that you have? Then why don’t you…do some more shopping, because I’m going to be awhile. Yep, got coupons, too. Just gotta cut them out. And I have a three-party out of town check and I have no I.D.”

“three-party out of town check”? How would you get one of those? Get three people to open a single account in an out-of-the-way place and have all their names mentioned on the check? Do you get to be one of the parties?

Or is it a third-party out-of-town check?

:smiley: (<- Jumpin’ Jack Smartass)

“Go into the grocery store and get a cart and FILL IT TO THE TOP. I mean an ENORMOUS MOUND OF GROCERIES. Wheel your enormous cart to the check out and find someone with one item and ASK TO GET IN FRONT OF THEM. ‘Aw, cmon! I only have eleven hundred items!’”
-George Carlin, “Keeping People Alert”

That’s what you get for living in the same part of the city as my Dad.

My personal grocery store peeve (other than the store itself - Safeway and I have a long-standing feud) is people coming in the wrong doors. Someone just went out the automatic door, and it stayed open for a little while longer; that is not your invitation to come marching in what is obviously the “out” door (as seen by the sign on the door that says “OUT” and all the people walking “OUT” of it). I was exiting the store with my groceries one day, and some woman came strolling in this out door - she comes to a halt, stares me down, and waits for ME to get out of HER way. I stood there and stared right back at her. Stupid ass.

It’s reading posts like these that I thank the Almighty I’m no longer in the supermarket business…


anybody besides me who thought this was going to be about ‘special needs’ baggers or some such?

I thought they left out an “i” and this was going to be about time-travelling in the soup aisle.


Did you mention to the woman that the express checkout is for people who have two items, and that if she wants to go in the normal aisles then she should WAIT FOR HER FUCKING TURN. I’ve never had this happen to me and if it did I would snap at them.

How do morons like this survive?

I, too, thought this would be about the nice mentally challenged baggers.

Next time something like that happens do the George Carlin routine *and * tell the clerk that the price for something she rang up is incorrect and that will result in the wonderful time killer " Price Check at Register 4".
I have never encountered idiots like you have, and if I did, I would just turn my children loose on them. “Here, see what happens if you ( my son/daughter) eat junk food and drink too much pop…you turn into (pointing) *that *” Then my children would start to cry and annoy everyone, except me. For if they are crying, they are not trying to loot the GD impulse candy shelves.

Smashie arrives for the 'tard!

and justice is done

(ignore the “Print” box)

Did you also have a quick vision of the pile up that would then ensue? The two one-liners, seperated by an only-rolly-eyes post, then the longish testimonial post about someone’s brother, then the scathing insult, then the comeback from the OP claiming they’d done nothing wrong, then a line by line disection of the come-back, then the testimonial of a grocery store manager who would just as soon staff his whole store with the wonderful angels that are special people, (this starts the hijack about whether positive stereotypes are bigotry) followed by calls for blood by the earlier poster with the brother, followed by a couple more rolly-eyed one liners, repeat for three pages in a matter of hours?