Damn, how come this never happens to me? Heck, I’d have volunteered to reach in and get the ones myself!
Having worked as a bank teller for 4 years, I’ve certainly seen my fair share of Pennies from “Heaven.” But money isn’t the only thing that can be fecally enhanced.
There was one guy that routinely came in, picked his nose, cleaned his ears, scratched his balls (yes, sticking his hand down his pants), scratched his ass (yep), then handed over a wad of checks to deposit. And natually, the checks were far from springtime fresh.
Then there was Mr. Reardon. A sweet old man with a – how shall I put this – minor bladder control problem. Every time he would come into the bank, we would make a nice new passbook for him, and throw out the soaking wet urine stained passbook.
I used to work at a Science Museum and we had school groups in all day. You wouldn’t believe some of those nasty little critters. They used to put thir money in their shoes so you’d end up with dollar bills soaked with foot sweat. Ugh! One kid had all his pennies in a pickle jar, but I don’t think he washed it very well because they all reeked of pickle juice. Every time the register opened, I almost threw up from the smell. Some also kept it in the rim of their baseball hats, so in the summer the dollars were soaked with head sweat. It really was disgusting. I never had anyone produce cash from their butt before though . . .
**
Were these studies done by the same Germans who keep finding cocaine and nicotine in ancient Egyptian mummies?
So here I am thinking ass change is the worst I am going to handle…
I am working third shift. My store is open 24 hours. There is a local highschool having some kind of winter dance this Saturday. Winterballs or some such drivel. I get a couple of kids (17 or 18) out on the town who decide to come to my line. The cute couple was all dudded up. The girl was wearing a lovely dress that if it were any shorter it would be a lampshade… and the gentleman was wearing a lovley sweatstained suit with his tie wrapped around his head. They were both drunk, and whilst the boy tried to muster up the few brain cells he had left to pay, (out of his wallet thank god), the girl turns a whiter shade of pale and promptly vomits onto my registers belt.
Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccce.
OH!.. and in case you were wondering what they were purchasing…Condoms…Lube…and a case of Mountain Dew.
And no I haven’t seen a Kids in the Hall sketch about ass change. If you doubt me, perhaps this will change your mind.
When classes are in session (now) I work at Wal~Mart.
Oh god-reminds me of the time I was in church, and the guy two pews ahead of me started reaching down the back of his pants and scratching his ass! In CHURCH for crying out loud!
Good god almighty, I’m sooo glad I wasn’t right behind him-I would’ve refused to shake his hand during the Sign of Peace!
EEEW!!! If ever someone needed to be struck down by a lightening bolt, it was this guy!
I mean, in CHURCH! How inappropriate is THAT?
This is pretty tame compared to ass change, but any orifice on a stranger is disgusting. Well…most strangers. Anyway, in the younger days I worked many years in movie theaters and it is a very common practice for people who purchase tickets to hold said tickets in their mouths while pocketing change, wallets, etc. The poor ticket taker then has the unenviable task of handling these paper slobber specimen slides. And at minimum wage, even!
My mother has been admonishing me for years to keep a $20 hidden in my bra “just in case” when travelling. (It was a given that the money would be fished out in private.) Wait until I tell her that hiding place is common knowledge.
I have seen many people who have to handle money from the public wear thin plastic gloves and I always thought, “WTF!” Being brought up in a home where we were taught not to scratch ourselves in obnoxious places without immediately washing our hands before doing anything else, I did fully appreciate the disgusting habits many people may have. Ugh! :eek: So, long live platic gloves!!! And you have my sympathies!
Sorry. That should have been “…I did not fully appreciate the disgusting habits many people may have.” However, after this thread, I do fully appreciate the disgusting habits many people may have.
Imagine handling this guy’s money: [url=“http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=57809”]here
AquaPura, I suggest you go right out and get yourself an “Ass Penny Detector” and you’ll never have to handle fecally tainted coins again.
<<<shudder>>> I feel for you, AquaPura!
I remember getting pissy money from drunks when I worked at a convenience store years ago. Really rank pissy money. This was back in the recession of '81-'82, and jobs were scarce. I daydreamed about quitting that job several times a day.
A few years later, out in California, I worked at a tourist shop across the street from Mission San Juan Capristrano. We sold lots of inexpensive gimcracks, so we would get the field trip kids all the time. My till often smelled like feet at the end of the day. But the worst was the little boy who kept digging and digging and digging at his butt the whole time he waited in line. By the time I rang up his stuff, I was pretty sure he must have a massive pinworm infestation or something. His money reeked something awful, and I had a whole line of kids behind him to take care of. I couldn’t get away to wash my hands, so I sprayed them with the Windex I kept under the counter. Ewww…ewww…ewww!:eek:
Back in the day i worked retail and have seen all of this and worse-I even had a homeless guy decide I was “purty” ,grab my shoulders and try to kiss me.But yesterday I had the most disgusting customer experience ever-I now work @ a call center at a credit card company and had a customer on the phone. We’re discussing his account and I hear what I think is running water. Then he flushes-the guy was taking a piss while on the phone-w/ a perfect stranger!
I was on a semipro blackjack team a few years ago. One of the other players used to play video poker to get room comps at the casinos, helping to avoid surveillance for her blackjack play.
One day, she mentioned during a team meeting that she always kept track of the money she used to play six-deck shoes separately from the money she used for single-deck and double-deck games. To facilitate this oddity, she kept the shoe money, logically enough, in her shoes.
I muttered to one of the other guys, “I don’t want to ask where she keeps her slot machine money. . . .”
A long time ago, in a state far, far away (Mississippi), I worked in a fast food establishment. It was one mile from the Gulf of Mexico. Many, many patrons would line up for tacos wearing just swim trunks & flip-flops, or thong sandals. No fanny packs, sorry! Where do you suppose they pulled their cash from? “Yessir! I’d be SO glad to take your money from your shorts!”
Did the dollar bills then begin to scuttle about the counter?
Amen. I had one of these calls once as well with the customer doing number two, and complaining about his bowels. With all the sound effects you can imagine in realtion to said number two. Ewwww… ::shudders::
Yeah, but how many of you men wouldn’t be impressed by a girl who could stick a dollar bill in her panties and squeeze it into 4 quarters of change?
Was this Biloxi? I’m a native coastian, so I’ve seen this kind of thing faaaaaar to often…we’re the Redneck Riviera after all!