Attention customers, we will no longer be taking any ass change.

Someone please tell me that this is a totally inacceptable behavior. I work for a large retail chain for quite a long time. And in that time I would have to say that the most disgusting way a customer has paid for their order has been to reach between her sweaty gargantuan breasts and pull out the damp stinking money to give to me. This has happened many a time and it was always disgusting. However, last night a man wearing an extreemly tight and extremely dirty sweatsuit approached my register and paid for his purchases with a wad of damp money clenched in his hand. He came up seventy-eight cents short. “Wait a minute, I’ve got the change”, he says. He reaches down the BACK of his pants, SO GODDAM FAR HALF OF HIS FREAKIN ARM IS IN THERE, GRUNTS,ROOTS AROUND FOR A BIT AND PULLS OUT A HANDFULL OF PENNIES!!!
Goddam that was nasty.
He puts the money on the counter I thank him weakly and hand him his reciept.

What in the seven frozen hells am I supposed to do with this money now?
SO I reached under my register and pulled out a roll of clear packing tape, bit off a lenght, and stuck the money to it. I then ran over to hardwear and got a bottle of industrial strenght window cleaner (Spitfire), flipped the tape money side up and sprayed it generously.
I daubbed the excess off with a paper towel and then put another piece of tape on top and stuck the whole mess into my drawer.

shudders violently
Can anyone else relate disgusting customer stories and what they did after?

I’m off to go burn my hands.

I’m beginning to think we should stop fearing and start praying for that ol’ asteroid, cuz gd this world is fucked up.

Sounds like someone’s been watching too much Comedy Central. I swear, they showed that “ass pennies” promo for Upright Citizens’ Brigade for a month.

This is apparently a more common occurance than you’d think. When I was working in my dad’s store around Christmastime, this young and very pregnant young woman comes in wearing a pink baby-doll dress. She shops around for a bit and finds some relatively inexpensive piece of jewlery that she likes. My mom figures out the total, and the woman reaches down, slips a hand UNDER the hem of her dress and DOWN into her panties and starts flopping dollar bills on the counter. Cripes! And this was completely out in the open with other customers around! I am certainly glad she did not have exact change, since I don’t want to know what orifice she’d pull that out of. What on earth goes through a person’s head to make them think that this sort of money storage is a really good idea?

Yikes, even reading about it is TMI! I can only imagine how much that would freak me out to witness. My sympathies!


OMG :eek:

When I was in the fast food industry I never got that, but man did some people have some disgusting fucking hands! I don’t know what sort of shit got on those bills they handled… :shudders:
Hail Eris, at least they had the alcohol gel…

I would’ve refused it. There is no way managment would force me to take it.

Christ I need another Diet Dr Pepper…I read that too quickly and saw “pulls out a handful of penis”


Christ I need another Diet Dr Pepper…I read that too quickly and saw “pulls out a handful of penis”

<shudder> **



And my heart definitely goes out to you people in retail. I have never been in your shoes (nor in those detestable people you’ve been referring to, thank God) and I wouldn’t trade places with ya’ll for all the tea in China.

But, thanks for the screamlaughs…God, my sides still hurt!

Silky “Choked on my sandwich” Threat

Note to Self: Stop reading threads with the word “ass” in the title while you’re eating dinner. This is your final warning, self.

In college I worked in a public library. This gal used to come in all the time (not bad-looking, a little sleazy) and take her library card out of her bra. and hand it to whoever was at the checkout counter. What’s with these people? They can’t afford pockets? Wallets are against their religous beliefs?

I read where something like 90% of all US dollar bills showed trace quantities of cocaine…

Based on this thread, I’m wondering if the currency has been tested for Fecal Coliform bacteria.

This reminds me of a Benny Hill sketch, where Benny sits at a restaurant table with the old guy. A waitress comes over and takes condiments out of her hefty clevage when asked for them. When she offered milk, the two balked at that.

Gosh, AquaPura, I would love to contribute to a collection to help pay for therapy to help you get over this trauma.

But all I have right now is ass change.

I was certain before I opened this thread that the title was metaphorical. I’m pretty sure that if you were to go to a Federal Reserve branch or something and give them the money, they would be willing to detroy it and give you some new ones. Did you see that Daily Show episode where someone’s dog ate a bunch of money, then passed it?

97% in one study.

Maybe one way to discourage that behavior is to stop them in mid-reach and say “No, please. Allow me…” I would not recommend that for ass-penny patrons, however.

When I was a kid, I worked at the Burger King across the street from Six Flags. People routinely came in to eat still soaking wet from the water rides, so their money was damp, too.

One day a guy handed me a wad of exceptionally soggy money. “Oh, did you go on a water ride?” I joked, the perky professional that I was, as I unfolded each bill and sorted the money into my register.

He looked at me strangely and replied, “No”.

I imagine he had been walking around all day with that money tucked safely in his shoe.

If I ever own a restaurant or store (and I will, just so I can do this), I’ll put up a sign that says “Money must be dry and fecal-free, or we will refuse service.” That’ll show 'em!

Many years ago, I was at a bachelor party at a friend’s house. A stripper was due to come over, but she was running late. When she arrived, she had a bouncer-type guy with her, and oddly, a male stripper. It turns out they worked for the same agency and were car-pooling that night. The male stripper went and stayed in the kitchen so as not to freak out the guys there. Just as the girl stripper was starting, I went into the kitchen for more beer. I asked the guy why he was here, and he said he had just done a bachelorette party, and they were car pooling since his car was broken down. He mentioned that if we started tipping the girl with dollar bills, the act would get better. I checked my wallet, and said, ‘damn all I have is a 20’. He said ‘No problem, I’ve got change!’, opened his robe, reached into his little Speedos, and pulled out a fist full of ones! I cringed, but accepted the change and got the hell out of the kitchen!