Attention: Idiot Driver From Last Night

The BBQ Pit
1

Yes, I know you probably don’t read this message board. Hell, you probably don’t have enough brainpower to figure out how to turn on your computer, let alone find the SDMB. However, I would like to clue you in on a few things:

  1. That wailing siren you heard? You know, the one from RIGHT BEHIND YOU? That means there’s an EMERGENCY VEHICLE behind you, asshole, and you should PULL OVER.

  2. You know, like all those people you PASSED. All of us, that were PULLED OVER, on to the shoulder. Leaving TWO clear lanes for the ambulance. What, did you think we all pulled over to let YOUR sorry ass pass us, since your rustmobile which couldn’t go faster than 45 mph in your WET DREAMS ever so obviously needed to pass all of us? Did it EVER occur to you that maybe, just MAYBE we were all pulled over for a good reason?

  3. By the way, that loud HORN you heard along with the siren - know what it was? It was the horn of the AMBULANCE. I don’t know why the driver figured maybe the horn would get it through your thick skull that you needed to pull over. It obviously didn’t work.

  4. When you see a bunch of cars pulled over to the shoulder, PULL OVER WITH THEM, you sorry bag of cum-stained, shit-stinking, used-douchebag-wearing, pathetic excuse for a broken condom. What you do NOT do is exactly what you DID do last night: pull over into the PASSING LANE. Yes, right in front of the big flashy wailing honking machine HURTLING right at you. What kind of disgusting information did you have on the DMV inspector that granted you your driver’s license, you shitstain? Where in your tiny little mind does “ambulance” equal “pull right in front of”? You were less than a foot from his front bumper when you pulled THAT little maneuver, you little cocksmear. You’re lucky you didn’t CREATE an accident. I credit the superb driving skills of the ambulance driver for that.

I surely do hope they called in your license plate number and you got a HUGE-ASS ticket, you pathetic sockwanker.

Honestly, it’s really tough to believe that out of all the sperm available, YOU were the best your daddy had to offer. I’d hate to see what the other ones would’ve come up with.

:wally

Do us all a favor and go back to walking, hey? At least you’ll limit the damage you can do that way.

2

I’d rate that rant a 9.5. Good job.

3

This is why I wanna mount a 1820’s Style Muzzle-Loading Death Ray on my car.

4

YES! I so wanted one. But actually, I think that once they perfect the Bumper-Mounted 1920’s Style Muzzle Loading Death Ray, they should be mandatory equipment on all Emergency Vehicles. Then people WOULD, by golly, get out of the way. And if they didn’t…well…they’d not be in the way much longer, would they?

5

I recall reading of some jurisdiction that started equipping ambulances and fire engines with dashboard cameras, for the specific purpose of recording the license plates of douchebags who don’t pull over. I wonder what ever happened to that.

6

Everybody but one car pulled over. That’s pretty good. I don’t see that much where I live. When I bother to pull over I am usually the only car that has done so.

Last month I believe it was, I saw a guy (or gal) turn left in front of a fire truck (lights/sirens everything going). Fire truck actually had to slow down (I could see it real good because I happened to have time to pull over in that instance).

Of course, down south here, we have important things to do.

7

Remember that scene in Dune, where Paul (Mua’deeb, or however that’s spelled) learns that his name is a killing word? He’s teaching the sand people (can’t remember what they were called either – terrible with names of things) about the weirding way and using The Voice as a weapon… someone calls his name using the voice, so the word smashes some big rocks.

Very cool scene.

Makes me wish I had a Mua’Deeb button in my car. Whenever I witness such stupidity as in the OP, while in my car, I scream “MWWWWAAAAA-DEEB” at the offender as loudly as I can.

Unfortunately, I have not yet mastered the Weirding Way nor The Voice, but when I do… all the idiot drivers who cause useless unncessary stress on me will be immediately vaporized. Perhaps the police, ambulance drivers and firemen should also get Mua-deeb buttons.