Attention My World Civ II TA

I adore you. I think you give good lectures and I’d love to have sex with you. (Can we arrange that, btw?)

However, you can’t grade a paper for shit. First of all, the professor’s whole theory behind history is that it’s impossible to firmly establish what really happened because history is full of paradoxes and contradictions. As his assistant, it is YOUR job to reinforce HIS style of teaching to the students assigned to YOUR recitation section. And, furthermore, it is specifically your job NOT to assign papers which are reliant upon facts that he disproves as regular parts of his lecture.

After reading my grade and the comments you left on my paper, I’d like to invite you to my house, where I’ll be happy to forcibly stick your head in my toilet and flush repeatedly. In between flushes, I’ll explain that, yes, a perfectly grammatical sentence can be started with the word “However.” However, you assume that this automatically makes it a fragment.

It doesn’t MATTER who Catherine of Aragon was. She is not important to the topic at hand. All that’s important is that she was married to Henry and she didn’t pop out any healthy boys after they fucked (obligatory pit fuck).

Do you think, just maybe, something’s wrong when no one in either of your sections gets an A? When the highest grade is a B+? It’s a general education requirement numbered 112, Candace. It’s not a fucking 400-level English Lit course. If we learn the material and demonstrate a superior ability to apply and express it, like the handbook says, give us our A. Don’t fuck with me (hey, another one).

Well, and also that she was the aunt of the Holy Roman Emperor, who the Pope didn’t want to offend by granting the annulment, which led to his refusal to do so, and also that she was plight troughed to Henry’s brother Arthur, which was Henry’s justification for seeking the annulment, which makes her background really relevant to the split between the Catholic Church and the Church of England.

My condolences to your TA for being forced to work for a postmodernist historian.