1) Negotiating in traffic is not a contest. You don’t win anything for getting one car ahead or pulling out of a side street, interrupting the flow of traffic. There is such a thing as “right of way.” You don’t deserve a break, you aren’t entitled to go whenever and wherever you feel, simply because you don’t feel like waiting. No one else feels like waiting, either, but those of us who are civilized control ourselves and realize we have no choice. Don’t make it worse.
2) A green light means “go.” That means step on the pedal which is all the way to the right down there on the floor. Do not read the paper while stopped at a light. Do not apply makeup. Do not kiss the person sitting next to you. Do not dig around in the glove compartment/the tape or CD carrier/your briefcase/your purse. Do not engage in nest-building activities in the front seat of your car. Yes, it is safer to do these things while you are stopped, rather than while your vehicle is moving, but please remember that you are sitting in a car in traffic; not in the La-Z-Boy swivel/rocker in your living room. Be mindful that the light will change eventually and that you must then move. This allows the vehicles behind you to also move, and keeps things flowing smoothly.
3) If you miss a turn, don’t screw up traffic and risk an accident by making a K-turn in the middle of the block. There is almost always a side street, a parking lot, or some other safe place to turn around a short distance away.
And finally,
4) You are lucky I don’t carry a handgun with me. Over the past two days, you have aggravated me to the point that I would have cheerfully left mayhem and carnage strewn all over the roadways in two separate counties.
My weapon of choice would be a large Monty Python-style foot, which would leap out of the trunk of my car, and connected to a large spring, fly through the air in a graceful arc and flatten the car with the arsehole in it. Then it would spring back, the lid would close, and I’d drive off, smiling serenely.
I’d like to add that flashing your lights, honking, and gesticulating wildly at a group of cars in traffic is likely to get you some rude gestures back at you. I know your Volvo marks you as important, but we’re trying to drive in a very stressful environment. Go ahead and hit me, my insurance company will eat you alive.
I realize that you don’t carry a handgun, but I imagine that it would be interesting to toss a bug bomb into an open window. Particularly one of those that doesn’t start spraying for a few minutes.
Warning: It is a federal offense to use this product in a manner inconsistent with its labelling
A friend of mine once threw a frozen dead rat through the open window of someone’s car after becoming sufficiently annoyed by their assholish behavior.
She actually had a logical reason for having a frozen dead rat with her, but I can’t remember what it was, or what it was that the other driver was doing which caused her and her friends to launch the rodent.
A K-turn is an interrupted U-turn, when the road is too narrow to just swing the vehicle around 180 degrees.
You turn to the left, and go nose-first to the opposite curb, then back up, cutting your wheels to the right, going butt-first to the curb, then you go forward, cutting your wheels to the left, so that you are finally in the other lane, going the opposite way.
Trace it with a pencil on a piece of paper, and you’ll see it sorta makes a K.
And Billdo, unfortunately, most drivers have their windows rolled up all the time, even in summer. Curse air-conditioning!
5.) When there is a four lane road, with a turning lane in the center and you are turning left across traffic from some shop, DO NOT pull out perpendicular to the turning lane. This blocks traffic, you see, and the proper method is to pull into the turning lane.
6.) Intersections with stop signs generally have a wide white line indicating where you stop. Stoping past the white line, even if you stop, is running the stop sign. You can get a ticket for this, and should. Generally it puts your car out into the traffic of the other road, causing a greater possiblity of an accident.
7.) White lines at intersections do not mean there IS a stop sign, however, and stopping at ever intersection that has a white line, and no stop sign means you are a moron. You are hindering traffic, and need to keep going.
8.) Yellow lights generally mean that a red light is comming up. AFAIK, a car halfway through the intersection when it turns red is still able to get a ticket for it, half your car MUST be out of the intersection when the light turns red. (laws may vary according to state) However, entering the Intersection a full 3 seconds AFTER THE FUCKING LIGHT turns red means you should be shot. People have died because of drunks doing this, but at least they were drunk and not just a fucking moron.
I’d like to add that I’m very sorry that my Force powers won’t tell me that the light is about to turn green. I wait til it turns green before I press the gas pedal and, yes, sometimes it takes half a second for my car to roll forward. I may also wait a little bit and see if morons are flying through the light. Honking at me just pisses me off. I may just stay stopped right there, and we’ll both miss the light.
Lemme explain the concept of a four-way stop sign. If four cars get to the intersection at one time, you go in order from right to left. In other words, the north and south guys do not go at the same time, and the east and west guys do not go at the same time. It goes east-south-west-north. I saw someone do a four-way stop the right way the other day. I came very close to getting out of my car to congratulate him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone do it right at that intersection.
And while I am on the subject of stop signs - if you have to stop behind another car at a stop sign, it does not count as your stop. You still have to drive up to the stop sign, STOP, and THEN you can go. You do not get to ride through on someone else’s stop.
Epimetheus, I’m afraid around here, sometimes the white lines placed at stop signs are in a position where you can’t see oncoming traffic. This leaves a driver faced with three options:
Stop at the white line, pull forward to where she can see what’s coming, and stop again.
Stop where she can see what’s coming and not on the white line.
Stop on the white line, see as much as she can, then pull out and hope no one’s coming.
Since I used to drive a Geo Metro, I didn’t have enough acceleration to make 3 an option, and I’m not sure it’s polite anyway. I’ll admit to being lazy enough to do 2 usually.
Finally, my additions to the original list:
9) Turn signals are used to give other drivers some indication of what you’re about to do. Use them! If you’re signalling, I’ll probably let you in. If you don’t, how am I supposed to know what you want.
If you’re behind me on a 4 or 6 lane highway and you see I’ve put my turn signal on to move over a lane, please don’t use that as an opportunity to say “Oh, that’s just the gap I’ve been waiting for!” and pull over into it without signalling. I claimed it, it’s mine, and I’ll get out of your way in a few seconds.
I’m sorry. I don’t care how important you are or how much of a hurry you’re in, I’m not going faster than the car ahead of me. All tailgating will do is make me annoyed. I want to pass him (or her), too, but I’m willing to let you have the first decent sized gap available because I’d much rather have you in front of me than behind me.
[Dorothy L. Sayers] Why separate? Do regular counties come blended, like tea?[/Dorothy L. Sayers]
cj, bear me witness that Hawaii has some of the most inconsiderate considerate drivers in the country. If you stop to let someone out of his driveway but inconvenience and endanger the 25 people behind you who have to come to a screeching halt, you are not doing anybody any favors. There are reasons for right-of-way laws. He will just have to wait for a break in traffic to get his turn. It will happen eventually.
I am heartily with you on the “use your turn signal” thing, which even the cops around here don’t seem to do. Do you expect everyone else on the road to be clairvoyant or something?
And for ghu’s sake, if the light is green, go through it already! Don’t go slower and slower as you approach the intersection in the expectation that it’s going to suddenly turn yellowthenred and confound you. Proceed at your normal pace.
Then there is The Hawaiian Glide School of Driving, which apparently has taught half the population to make a left hand turn from the stop line. Please pull forward into the intersection and make a reasonably 90-degree turn to go left. That way you will not clip off my front bumper as I unsuspectingly approach said intersection. Thank you.
