Automatic Hand Driers: the one true Evil

The BBQ Pit
1

Can we please stop dilly dallying with stupid, useless shit like board moderation, nuclear armament and disarmament, sperm count and intrusive government and focus on the REAL problems plaguing society??

Yes, you know what I’m talking about. Friggin’ automatic hand driers in public restrooms. These have been around, in several forms, since I was a young child…and I have hated them since the very minute of their arrival.

It’s just such a simple gripe people…IT DOESN’T WORK.

Today, after a sticky breakfast that involved cheese and some jelly and such, I went to the ladies room to relieve myself and clean up.

“Hey hey! It’s one of those new fangled hand driers Cletus!”

"Look, there aren’t even no words on it, son!"

I guess today’s hypersensitive and fragile Americans just couldn’t handle the razor’s edge wit of vandals who would alter the directions to say “PUSH BUTT” (insert raucous laughter here). Now, there are just two abnormally square and armless disembodied hands, holding themselves in mid air under the red squiggly ‘indicators of warmth’.

Well listen here Mike, maybe in your limbless UTOPIA, the air that dribbles free from the tiny vents is enough to COMPLETELY (and take note of that word) dry your autonomaton hands, but here on Earth, and more specifically Chicago, I am almost ALWAYS wiping my hands on my pants AFTER using one of these godforsaken contraptions.

But today…as a social experiment, I decided to stand there, like fucking PATIENCE ON HER MONUMENT, trying to get my hands dry from the AUTOMATIC HAND DRIER AIR ALONE.

Hear me when I say: three cycles people. Three. I had to restart this process and vigorously rub and shake my hands until they were a raw and abused deep pink.

Never again I tell you. Never…AGAIN. I’m a busy woman with a busy schedule, and by the way, how often are you in a public restroom alone when hogging the air drier for three cycles is socially acceptable? The answer is ALMOST NEVER.

BRING BACK THE PAPER TOWELS! I don’t care if they’re so recycled that they have pieces of fucking twigs and shit in them…I WANT TO RUB MY HANDS ON SOME PAPER TO ABSORB THE WATER THAT IS ON THEM.

Is that really too much to ask?

Thank you.

2

I’ve never had problems with the air dryers, they take a bit longer but not terribly so. Maybe I’m just blessed by always running into superior dryers while you are cursed with inferior models. shrug

3

I saw the very end of Oprah last week waiting for Judge Joe Brown to come on. There was a lady on there talking about how to be sanitary in public restrooms. She said that hand dryers with a push button start were worse than paper towels, because people were not washing their hands well enough and then putting their hands all over the machine and germs collected on the button. This is a good point in favor of the machines with a sensor over the ones with a button. Still, there’s no reason either machine should be so poor in the airflow strength. Some dryers have better power than others.

I think the combination of most sanitary with most efficient are the paper towel dispensers that allow you to pull the paper towel from the machine with your two hands, without using a lever or crank, and the machine cuts a new paper towel for you and drops it down for the next person. So the only thing you touch is the paper towel itself. So sanitation and a speedy hand-drying merge together in a happy little way, and all are pleased.

4

OH GO AHEAD AND GLOAT DRAVIN. AS IF MY LIFE DOESN’T SUCK ENOUGH!

CURSE YOU AUTO HAND DRIERS!

5

See, jarbaby, the solution here is not to pee on your hands.

6

WHY YOOOOUUUUU

7

A-fuckin’-men. Those air driers suck ass and never, ever dry my hands. This rant exactly expresses my loathing of them.

8

Wow. Sometimes I dislike having an imagination.

No wonder people worry about them being unsanitary.

9

Do like I do…wash your hands before you pee. Then let 'em air dry naturally.

I care more about my dick than I do my hands…

10

No Dice Superbee. Unca Cecil says you’ve GOT to wash your hands!

11

Well, I’ve considered ranting about this topic ever since I started here. Try drying your face after shaving/washing. Unfortunately I have to go through a lot of toilet paper meticulously removing little scads of “lint” from my face afterward before facing the world again. I prefer the roll of linen that automatically rewinds.

12

I hate those damn things! If I am a bathroom and they are the only drying option, I just wipe my hands on my pants and don’t fuck with it. As RexDart pointed out, they are nasty germ spreading instruments.

AIR DRYERS SUCK!!

13

I hope I did your angst justice grienspace

14

Yeah, you expressed it more eloquently and pit worthy than I ever could :slight_smile: And I’m glad to find I’m not alone on this one.

15

I think the quality control on hand dryers sucks pretty badly… at the gym I go to, there are three of them- all three the same model number and amperage.

One of them is typically anemic- it acts just like 99% of the rest of the worthless things.

The other two must have been made under contract by Pratt & Whitney- they BLOW like hell- I can go from dripping wet to bone dry inside of one cycle.

The absolute worst are the ones without buttons that you hold your hands near- I could blow more air onto my hands with my mouth than those contraptions can!

16

My gripe is that there are times when I need to wash my hands and they are sufficiently soiled or sticky that I would like to be able to scrub them and there aren’t any paper towels because some idiot decided that the bathroom should only be equipped with those stupid blowers.

17

The PoopReport has this covered, apparently.

18

(Implied) Step 4: Wipe hands on pants. That has to be sanitary :rolleyes:.

Can’t you usually turn the nozzle up to (partially) dry your face, though?

19

And this is my fault why?!?!?

Now if you simply got those TORRANCE 5X limbs with HOOK ATTACHMENT, those POS fans would be more than enough:)

[sub]I also heard somewhere that they don’t actually do much good in terms of reducing germs at all. (I don’t remember where and am far too lazy to look for it online)[/sub]

20

I must say that hand dryers do have one advantage over paper towels. When someone’s in a stall taking a shit, it’s nice to have a hand dryer running to drown out the noise created by the shit-taker’s farts and turds plopping into the bowl.