The bomber pilot replies, ‘Oh, yeah? Let’s see you do this!’ and keeps flying straight and level. The fighter jock asks, ‘Um… What did you do?’ The B-52 pilot says, ‘I just took a crap in the toilet’
-That pilot over there, he usually scores 9 or 9.5 in his landings…
-Wow, must be very good.
-… on the Richter scale.
-Nevermind.
Tower: “TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.”
TWA 2341: “Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
Tower: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”
How to land a plane at night:
Trim plane for best glide speed.
Maintain wings level.
Continue glide until faint shadows on ground can be seen.
Switch Landing light on.
If you don’t like what you see, switch landing light off.
Some aeroplanes do/did have feather buttons by the way, I’m not sure of types but I remember reading an accident report that talked about feather buttons. The Dash 8 has feather switches but they’re only supposed to be used if the normal feather system doesn’t work.
The guys who name waypoints usually have a sense of humour. There are a series of waypoints in the States I think with the following names, ITAWT, ITTAW, APUTT, ETATT (not sure of the exact spelling, they are always 5 letters so the spelling can be creative.)
One in Australia is a standard arrival in to Brisbane, the waypoints are, LEAKY, BOATS, SINNK.
Then there are a string of waypoints off the coast of Perth called, WONSA, JOLLY, SWAGY, CAMBS, BUIYA, BYLLA, BONGS, UNDER, ACOOL, EBARR, TREES. For those not up with Australian culture it is the opening lines of Waltzing Maltilda, a popular traditional Aussie song.
No, that was the book that made me ask questions about bush pilots and you (or someone) recommended Glacier Pilot and Flying the Alaskan Wild. I enjoyed both books on a beach in Mexico.
Maybe Arrive Tomorrow Sometime. Alitalia is Always Late In Takeoff, Always Late In Arrival. SABENA was Such A Bad Experience, Never Again. There are others that don’t come to mind immediately.
Then I stand corrected on my assumption. I thought feathering was controlled by the pitch levers.
I’m not IFR rated, but dad was so I saw a few that were amusing. Can’t remember any right now though.
We used to have ARSAs (Airport Radar Service Areas). Nowadays they’re called Class C airspace. There was a joke going around at the time that they were going to put one up around the Kissimmee (Florida) airport, which would make it Kissimmee ARSA.
It is on piston engined twins. Some turboprop aircraft don’t have a pitch control, just a single power lever that does everything. In the case of the Dash 8 (which does have a pitch lever) the “condition lever” controls propeller RPM from a max of 1200 for take off and landing to a min of 900 for everything else. Below “MIN” is the “START/FEATHER” position and below that is “FUEL OFF.” The lever is just sending a feather signal to a hydraulic pump that controls propeller pitch. The alternate feather switches send a signal to a secondary hydraulic pump for use in case there is a loss of engine oil supply to the normal pump.
A friend of my dad’s was on final in a Cessna 172. The tower advised her to expedite her landing, as there was a 737 behind her. She replied, ‘Tell him to watch my wake.’
A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running “a bit peaked.” Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two to land, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. “Ah,” the fighter pilot remarked, “The dreaded seven-engine approach.”
This list misses one of the funniest, yet most tellingly true-sounding to this engineer, entry that was in this list when I first read it (yes, well before the internet):
P: Oil seeping from engine #3
S: Engine #3 oil seepage normal
P: Normal oil seepage missing from engines #1, #2 and #4.
