One of my favourite things about flying Southwest Airlines is the humour of the flight attendents. Because they make jokes during the safety demonstrations and other announcements, I tend to pay much more attention to them, rather than tune them out like I do with other airlines. This has got to be a good thing. (You’d have to be pretty moronic to conclude that the safety demonstration itself is a joke.)
Anyway…I thought I’d share a couple of the lines I remember from my numerous Southwest flights. These are 100% real.
“In case of cabin depressurization, designer yellow oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling”
“We will be passing through the cabin in a minute to make sure your seatbelts are fastened, your tray tables and seat-backs are in the upright and locked position, and your shoes and outfits match.”
(introducing life-jacket demo) “Should this flight become a cruise…”
“If you are travelling with children, or someone acting as such…”
“Do we have a Mr Jones onboard? Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble.” (they wanted to sing “Happy Birthday” to him)
“Today’s meal is lobster tails with butter, steak, cream sauce, and creme brulee for desert. Just kidding - it’s peanuts.”
Is this the same airline that has the flight attendants say “Pressing the light button turns the light on. Pressing the flight attendant button may not turn the flight attendants on?”
When discussing the procedures for a water landing:
“Your seat cushion will serve as your floatation device. Slip your hands thru the straps and kick-paddle-kick-paddle all the way to shore. You may keep the cushion as our gift to you.”
I was on one flight where they sang the pre-landing announcement to the tune of Heartbreak Hotel - it was clever.
Yeah, I love Southwest. I’ll be flying with them this very weekend!
The flight attendents on WestJet joke around like this too. I like it - but some passengers seem to get annoyed. Once, they got the two sides of the plane to have a competition that involved unrolling and passing a roll of toilet paper to the back while the person in the front held the tail end. If the paper broke, you had to start again. Whichever side finished first got to deplane first.
Yeah, that’s me getting annoyed. This is an airline flight not a ($*^@#) freshman mixer or Kindeygarten Playtime. I was on one SouthWest flight before the superbowl and for some reason the flight attendants were allowed to wear jeans and a t-shirt representing the team of their choice and made the passengers cheer against each other. When I’m hurtling through space in a tin tube I expect a small degree of professionalism from a company. That was maybe 5 years ago and I haven’t set foot on a SouthWest flight since; they can take their best “on time” record and cram it. I prefer to be treated like an adult.
Ah, come on, is it that bad? Is there something else important you need to be doing? Besides - they are professional - they deal with the safety stuff, they provide service, and I’m sure they would deal with any problems that come up.
If you really want to be treated well, pay the bucks and go first class.
The attendants on Alaska Air usually had a sense of humor as well.
“Good morning. I am your head flight attendant, Trixie. Our pilots today are Rocco and Louie. Ya gotta problem? Ya talk to Louie.”
“In addition to smoke alarms, our lavatories are also equipped with ejector seats, so if you are planning to smoke in the lavatory, we’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for having flown Alaska Air.”
I was flying from Dallas back to Tulsa, and during the preflight lecture, they said something like “In the event of a water landing, like into a swimming pool in Plano…”
After landing, they made their typical announcement about not getting up until the plane had stopped and the fasten seat belt sign had been turned off. Naturally, some passengers started to get up prematurely, and the head flight attendant came over the intercom and said “Ah, ah, ah!” They actually sat back down.
Southwest Airlines is based in Dallas, so I fly them all the time - I swear I’ve heard very funny in-flight jokes, but can’t recall them. On one flight, the pilot walked up and down the aisle cracking jokes. They are one of the few airlines that remain profitable following 9.11.01.
I do remember a VERY rough landing one time - and the attendant came on the loudspeaker to say, “Well … in case you hadn’t noticed it, we have landed at DFW.” Heh.
On a British Airways flight, coming into Heathrow, the captain came over the PA:
“Ladies and gentlemen, we shall be dimming the cabin lights during our landing procedure. Gents, please enjoy it: it may be the only opportunity you’ll ever get to be in the dark with a BA flight attendant.”
Virgin Blue flight attendents here in Australia take a similarly humourous attitude. Their jokes certainly aren’t made off-the-cuff, but still their good-humour is appreciated.
Prior to landing on one Virgin flight, the flight attendents led us in session of “in flight aerobics”. They made us passengers stretch our arms, wiggle our toes, stamp our feet, wave our hands in the air and clap wildly. I thought it was great.
I LOVE Westjet!
Last year, while phoning to make reservations, I got the voice message:
"We’re sorry, but all of our representatives are busy at the moment. Please stay on the line and we’ll get to your call as soon as we are able. (…pause…) If you have been waiting for more than 5 minutes…please press 5. (…pause…) It won’t do anything…but it will give you something to do until we can take your call. "
I do love good humour!
DON’T YOU PEOPLE SEE THAT NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE FUNNY?!?!
Yes, I have a sense of humor. Ask any of the other dopers that know me. This is purely amateur stuff and they repeat it HUNDREDS of times. Who hasn’t gotten the cheesy, multiple forward emails with all this stuff still on it? How hard up for entertainment are you? No wonder Everyone Loves Raymond. Jeez.
I want people to shut up and do their jobs, is that so wrong? This goes for waiters/waitresses, bank workers, athletes, clergy, and yes, even Presidents. Just shut up! For the love of God SHUT UP!
You’re right. Your sense of humor shines through like a beacon.
I think it’s great, and I wish everybody had a sense of humor about their jobs. I think it’s pretty clear from your previous posts that it’s not the poor quality of jokes that you object to, it’s that you feel like you’re not being treated like an adult. Why is professionalism the antithesis of fun?
I once got the standard safety speech, “the cabin is equipped with three exit doors, in the event of a water landing…” Yada, yada, yada.
Why was this funny? I was on a city bus at the time.
[sub]Any Seattle dopers have probably ridden with this guy. I think he reserved the airline spiel for the routes up Capitol Hill, but other times he used to sing his own lyrics to the Banana Boat Song over the P.A. system.[/sub]
I’ve been in situations where I’ve felt the same sentiment as voguevixen. Even if the jokes had been funny, there’s no way I would have felt anything but annoyed. (Sometimes jokes won’t ease the stress I’m working under, but just make my headache worse.)
At any rate, while I find lighthearted humor in most of the jokes above, the one post that made me laugh out loud was voguevixen’s sarcastic wit!
Haha good one ** voguevixen** I hate that show too.
I understand your feelings too, but I laughed when I read the airline jokes, didnt you?
I thought it was pretty funny when the pilot said, “Folks if you become scared during the take off or landing feel free to close your eyes, thats what I do.”
