As far as having doubts goes: I am 12 weeks pregnant right now. This baby was planned like D-day. I’ve been basically in training for two years: strict diet and exercise, $20K in fertility treatments, read every book in creation. And I still, in the last 12 weeks, have had moments of doubt and insecurity and “what the fuck have we done?” type spasms. It’s so perfectly normal.
Another thing that might be comforting: there was a threadyears ago where a guy wanted to know what to do about his severe vomit phobia. He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to handle a child, because, well, they puke, and he just didn’t do well with that. The really cool thing is that he came back 4 years later to relate how they had eventually had a child, and it turned out that when it was his kid that was sick, well, he still didn’t like vomit AT ALL, but right at that moment, his priorities were different enough that he could deal with it. You may find the same thing with the epidural: you won’t like it, but at that exact time you’ll be too overwhelmed with other things to care like you would in a doctor’s office or something.
In the same vein, I was thinking the other day that if I delivered a placenta under any other circumstances, I’d be so amazed by it. I’d want to look at it and poke it and see how it works. But the one time in my life I actually do it, I probably won’t even care. Seems sort of unfortunate.
Hmm. Apparently, I have a strange condition where I black out and post under other usernames.
Yes, this, a thousand times this.
After I gave birth, I said to my husband, “I could totally do that again.” I may have actually said this while I was being stitched up (episiotomy). Then, at some point during the first few weeks - and I have no idea when, because it’s all one long sleepless twilight in my memory - I told him, sobbing uncontrollably, “Okay, this is why some people only have one kid. Labor, I could do again. This, I don’t know if I can do once.”
And likewise, I didn’t “bond” with Bunny Boy right away. I felt fiercely protective of him, but I didn’t expect him to feel like such a stranger. Now, at almost 7 months, I’m totally in love with him and can’t remember what it was like not having him in my life. That feeling started developing pretty early on, but definitely not right away.
So in short - if you’re not enthused about the pregnancy, or even about the actual baby at first, don’t sweat it. If it’s really that you’re not into the idea of being a mom, that’s a different story, but it sounds like you’re more just nervous about the delivery, and seriously - it’s so not a thing.
I was just passing by, I see everyone has this thread under control and has said everything I would say, but better than I would say it. Congratulations, pbbth!
Another vote for taking Lamaze training at the appropriate time. It helps you be in as much control as possible and you learn to relax muscles so that you are at least not fighting against yourself. Of course, any plan (as you well know) can go awry, but it can’t hurt to be prepared.
I like to tell my labor story because it makes women jealous.
My first labor was easy. I started having mild contractions at 4:00 pm on a Friday afternoon, slept all night, woke the SO around 8:00 am and told him the contractions were 10 minutes apart, and trucked on to the hospital (40 miles away). My labor was so mild that by the time I got to the hospital I was dilated to 10 (and they were begging me not to push).
Unfortunately, the jealous-making portion of my childbirth experiences ends there. First baby was breach*, so they decided to do an emergency c-section (don’t push, we want to get you in the operating room). So I had to have a spinal block. Since my labor was so mild, I did feel the needle. It was not that bad.
Next baby? Mild contractions started 6 weeks before planned due date, truck to the hospital, get ready for the next c-section (my hospital did not support vaginal birth after a section).
You could get lucky and have easy labor. If the first kid hadn’t been breach, I probably would have just popped her out in the car on the way to the hospital.
*So breach. She was so cute when they let me see her after she was born, with her little feet right next to her face…waitaminute! Why can I see my baby’s face and her feet? She was folded in half in there, took a while for those legs to straighten out…
Congratulations! I’m excited about your pregancy, even if you’re not particularly. Which is fine. My wife has put in 18 months of pregnancy time in the last four years and wasn’t excited about any of it. Hell, she didn’t even bond with the first baby until after he was born.
She read, I believe, every word printed in the English language, and probably several others as well, about pregnancy and childbirth. Based on her experience, I’d say that you should be forewarned that you may find a lot of information or advice that’s conflicting or sometimes even outright contradictory. This frustrated the the crap out of her. One book that she did like, based on her decidedly cool reception to the whole pregnancy thing, was called Pregnancy Sucks. That might be right up your alley.
My wife is, by her own admission, among the greatest wusses on earth when it comes to pain, and I mean it when I say that if she got through her experiences OK, you’ll get through yours. Despite the wussiness, she managed to give herself multiple daily finger sticks and insulin injections for the last three months of both pregnancies (gestational diabetes, y’know), did great with an epidural for the first birth, and did unintentional natural childbirth with the second when things started happening too fast to get her anaesthetized. She was stronger than she thought she was. She also happily acknowledges that it was all completely worth it because of the children we have now.
It’s a good ways down the road yet, but in case you end up with gestational diabetes, post here, or send me a PM. I can dig up a very helpful e-mail my wife sent to a co-worker of mine who also turned up with GD, with a lot of food ideas.
It’s even further down the road, but as has already been correctly noted, the first month or few can suck hard. It’s still worth it.
I actually just bought that book! I bought that one and The Joy of Pregnancy. The lady at the counter looked at me funny.
Also, what is up with food? I normally love mustard but since the pregnancy thing popped up it tastes like evil. And I want sausage so badly I would run around smacking people with a rubber chicken in exchange for a sausage biscuit. So far I haven’t given into the sausage craving and have instead stuck to oranges and green beans and such, but geez I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my life!
Wow, I had a huge sausage craving when I was pregnant with my daughter. Couldn’t stop thinking about it - all day, every day. That and fruit were my kryptonite.
My words of advice? Ignore all birth stories if you possibly can.
Except this one:
Last time I had a four hour labor from start to finish. The labor was induced with pitocin but the contractions weren’t any worse than bad menstrual cramps. The thing about contractions? They stop. They hurt and hurt and then you get a rest.
The really great part is after the labor stops and the baby’s out. The whole process is over and you wind up feeling really astonished and delighted. You grew an entire human being!
My daughter’s birthday was literally one of the best days of my entire life. I’ve never ever felt so exhilarated or empowered. She gets to celebrate her birthday as she grows up. I get to celebrate it as the day my body did the most amazing thing I’ve ever done.
Think about that.
In the meantime investigate options other than a standard OB. If you’re low risk you don’t have to opt for an OB. You can go with a midwife who will aim for a low technology birth with an emphasis on no needles.
Okay…let’s get something straight right now. For the next, what, 7-8 months, the answer to 98% of your questions that begin with “what is up with…?” have no better answer than, “you’re pregnant.” It’s annoying as hell, but it’s true. “What is up with my cravings for sausage?” “You’re pregnant.” “What is up with this weird pain in my hip?” “You’re pregnant.” “What is up with my eyesight?” “You’re pregnant.” “What is up with these bleeding gums and loose teeth?” “You’re pregnant.” “What is up with this huge belly that quivers and kicks?” “You’re pregnant.”
There are so many bodily changes that happen because of pregnancy hormones, pregnancy weight gain, pregnancy shifts to your center of gravity, etc. Some of them we have a pretty good idea of the chemical interactions and mechanism of action, most we have no idea, but we see it often enough that we know it’s normal enough not to worry about. The basic answer is still, “You’re pregnant”.
Don’t let it stop you from asking, here or at your doctor’s office. But know that you may not get a really satisfying answer.
(And no one knows why food craving happen during pregnancy. Sausage cravings might be because you’re making extra blood right now and need the protein and salt, but that’s more a Just-So story than a real medical explanation.)
Oh, and also, my wife does not like needles either. She wasn’t so sure she wanted an epidural, but when she had it done she was kicking herself for not getting it sooner. When we had our second child, she literally started undressing in the hospital corridor before we even got to our room so she could get the epidural ASAP. She couldn’t wait to have it done.
I had relatively easy pregnancies and deliveries. It’s what happens after that that sucks. The good thing is, you can prepare for it (somewhat). Read up about caring for newborns. Arrange to have help. Family, friends, hire somebody if you’re financially able. (No, seriously–do it…best money I EVER spent. And I had lots of family support to boot.) And just know you *will *get through it. You *will *sleep again.
And to echo what others have said, don’t worry if you’re not excited now or even for awhile after the baby comes. I know for me, it took really caring for and interacting with my babies to bond with them. Everyone’s different, and nobody’s wrong when it comes to this stuff.
Labor and childbirth is, at worst, a day or so of your life. Look at it that way–you just have to get through one day. You’ll do it, and you’ll be glad you did. Maybe not immediately–I know it took me a little while to fully bond with my daughter, for various reasons (not the least of all being that I actually HAD the c-section under general, so it was hours of her life before I was even with it enough to hold her). But you will, and once you do it’ll make the birth, no matter how bad, seem like just a little bit of nothing.
My second pregnancy stole my love for cola beverages. I used to be a 6-pack a day Pepsi girl and now I couldn’t drink a cola if I was dying of thirst. Your pregnancy may give you permanent food aversions, but I figure most of us can do without something we eat…
All of this. Seriously, the epidural isn’t bad, you don’t feel a thing. And since you can’t feel it, and you can’t see it, you just pretend there’s something going on back there, and before you know it you’re so happy that you’re pain-free that nothing else matters.
As far as everything else goes, I planned my pregnancies, and I still felt ambivalent and weird, especially with the first one. But the babies themselves were beyond awesome. So, congratulations! And try not to worry too much, everything will be great.
