I’m 12 yo. Alone in the woods. I find a lonely, dry, cozy cabin.
Inside is a wood stove. Dry wood.
(A few other things around)
How do I start a fire?Seriously.
Tell me how to do it.
I tried this when I was a kid, but never got the knack of doing this.
Your title reminds me:
First: Make sure the chimney/stovepipe is there, clear/unblocked, and not cracked! Starting a fire in the stove can burn the house down if it isn’t.
Is any of the other things around a mirror? If so, try looking up the chimney with it. If not, look around the outside of the chimney the best you can, from both inside and outside; and check from inside whether there seems to be air movement while you have the door open. If there appear to be any controls on the stove or the stovepipe that could affect the opening to the chimney, try to make sure that they’re in the open position.
Also, try to figure out where on the stove is the control that adjusts how much air can get into the stove. This also needs to be in the open position when first lighting the stove.
Unfortunately, controls and handle positions for them aren’t standardized. Some push, some pull, some twist; some are open when pushed, some when pulled, etc.
Are any of the other things around old newspapers? Candles? Matches? Lighters? Flint and steel?
Is the dry wood in a variety of sizes? Does it have dry bark on it?
Gasoline can/small amount of gas, on the back step.
I found a Zippo lighter. A box of Diamond matches. About 15 matches that look dry.
A can of bacon fat.
2 old cotton stuffed pillows and a raggedy wool blanket.
Oh, and a jar of pickles.
Beck, are you honestly lost in the woods, in an abandoned cabin?
With wifi. And a charger.
The things you can do with pickle juice.
It’s been a while since this happened, remember she says “I’m 12 yo.”
This is starting to sound too much like one of those webcam women.
I was thinking a Zork reboot
Look West
To the West you see:
-Pentagram
-Scorch marks on the floor
-Boy Scout guide to Wicca
-Rabbit’s foot
Take book
My plan would’ve worked too, if not for you meddlin’ kids!
Oh, this is easy.
Presuming that the chimney and stovepipe are OK, and you’ve figured out the stove controls and have them all in full open position:
Leave the gas can outside the house. Possibly move it further away.
Put a glob of the bacon fat in the middle of the inside of the stove. Make a kind of teepee shape over it with any dry bark available and the smallest pieces of wood, leaving air gaps. Put a couple of somewhat larger pieces of wood on top, loosely, also leaving air gaps; light the bacon fat – I’d use one of the Diamonds, but the lighter or book matches will work.
Curl up in front of the stove on the pillows, wrapped in the blanket. If you’re lucky a cat will show up. If you’re unlucky and fire appears in the wrong places, the wool blanket may be used to smother it or to wrap around yourself as you escape.
Add wood and adjust dampers as needed.
I wouldn’t eat the pickles unless the seal’s not broken.
I strongly suspect that you already know all of the above; and probably knew it when you were twelve.
You take the book.
The first page says:
[ PROPERTY OF BURKITTSVILLE PUBLIC LIBRARY ]
Chapter 1: The Lady and The Lord, or The Moon and The Sun
Chapter 2: Basic White Magic rituals
Chapter 3: The conjuring of Ophidia the Snake Goddess
Chapter 4: Wiccan pickled snake recipe
Chapter 5: Astral projection for chimney inspection
Chapter 6: Seventeen matchsticks a pentacle make
Chapter 7: Zippo, fickle bringer of light
Chapter 8: Dowsing for lighter fluid by The Lady’s pale glow
Chapter 9: Crafting effigies from blankets, pillows and bacon fat
Chapter 10: Two dry sticks rubbed, Wicker Man afire
I was thinking of frying the pickles in the bacon fat.
Wouldn’t that kill the deadly microbes?
Pine needles are not tasty.
Wait. Do pine nuts really come from pine cones?
Yes. Not every pine tree species produces useful pine nuts. Mostly the seeds are too small and the shells too hard to crack. And they have a brief harvest time just before the cones open up and begin to dry.
Microbes, probably. Any toxins already produced by the microbes, probably not.
Also, blecchh! Seems to me that that would taste awful. YMMV.
Fried pickles, even made with pickles that are known to be safe to eat, taste awful to me. I’m sensitive to acidic foods so maybe others don’t mind as much but I have been baffled since hearing of this concept around 20 years ago and trying it just once. I suppose if I was starving in the woods I might try the pickles. After all I’m only 12 and at that age I craved and consumed every calorie I could find.
Ok. The fried pickles do sound bad. Rancid bacon grease might deliver an off putting taste to my death meal of ptomaine(msp) poisoning.
I’m gonna have to catch me a squirrel.