So a friend of mine is pregnant and will be giving her boy away for adoption when he is born. She is throwing a joint shower with the adoptive parents later this week. Of course all the gifts are intended to go with the new parents to take care of him. But I wanted to get her something as well. I know this has been a heart wrenching decision. And I thought that she should get something.
Sadly nothing has come to mind. I need something that will be a nice memento, not too schlocky, but not too expensive either. So I turn to the collected wisdom of the dope… what to get?
It sounds like it’s going to be a pretty open adoption if they’re having the baby shower together, so maybe a nice frame or photo album for pictures of the baby?
Aw, what a rough situation. You’re a good friend to want to get her a gift too.
How about a gift certificate for a spa day/manicure/pedicure, or a gift card at her favorite restaurant? Both of those things might be a welcome distraction for the days following the birth.
I think that might just make her feel bad, like she’s expected to immediately forget about the baby. It would be nice as a separate gift after the birth, but not as a baby shower gift. Those are supposed to be about the baby, and if she didn’t want to be involved in that she wouldn’t be attending the shower. I’m just thinking that’s how I would feel in that situation anyway.
Most any pregnant mom wants a mani-pedi or free food. Showers usually happen a month or two before the birth so she could use the gift certificates before the birth if she wishes to.
How about giving a gift certificate for a place like Shutterfly where you can get photo gifts; brag books, calendars and the like? Or a gift certificate where she can get birthstone jewelry.
Though that may just be heart wrenching. I don’t know how she is going to get through this no matter what she gets. I don’t know if a present would even be appropriate. Maybe just be there as a shoulder to cry on would be the best gift.
I think a gift certificate for some pampering is a very nice idea, and carries no connotation whatsoever that the birth mother is supposed to forget about the baby immediately.
If the adoptive parents live out of state and the birth mother is planning on visiting them, perhaps an airline gift card or something to help with travel expenses?
In the end I went with a gag gift of a sort in mini-bottles of booze. Given that she seemed pleased, and that there were many other such gifts, I think I did ok. And evidently she plans to throw quite the party about a month after the birth.
I’m glad I didn’t go with my instinct of a birthstone keepsake or similar gift. I think that would have ended up too maudlin.