Backstabbing Friends

In My Humble Opinion
1

What one event in your life, has affected you the most. Which involved your “so called friends” backstabbing you in the back. An event that they think you know nothing about.

I can remember an event that happened to me on my senior year in high school. It affected me so much that after graduation, I never contacted any of my 4 friend ever again. It was something prolly small to some people, but to me it was hurtful. So hurtful that at age 30 I still don’t keep in contact with any of them.

Every so often I keep thinking about the incident and it hurts.

It happened after school there was 5 of us. Just hanging around doing nothing in particular, till it was time to go home. 2 of my friends left an hour earlier. The 3 of us remaining walked down the catch the city bus. While we were waiting the other two friends who left earlier saw us waiting for the bus and pulled up in their car to talk to us some more. I was busy talking to someone else who was also catching the bus and my two friends catching the bus with me were talking with when the other two friends in the car. Not too long after that the two friends in the car left. Soon after, the Bus came, but I was the only one that got on it. When I inquired to the other two why they weren’t coming on, they said they were going to catch the next bus which takes them closer to where they live. So I got on, didn’t ask any questions. As my bus started pulling away to leave, I looked up the street and saw my other two friends in the car sitting in the parking lot. I kind of put two and two together and realized they planned this. I saw as the bus was leaving, that the car headed back towards the direction of where my other two friends were waiting at the bus stop.

Hurts to this day. Might not be nothing, to some of you reading, but these guys were suppose to be my best friends. I never told them that I knew and i’m sure they don’t think I know. But I do…I still do…till this day, I remember. That feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize you’ve been backstabbed. I’ll never forget, never.

I’ve never talked to any of them since…I’ll see them here and there, but its not like it use to be. They sometimes call and wonder where I’ve been or what I’m up to, but its not the same, it’ll never be the same.

2

Maybe it was your birthday, and they wanted to shop for a present.

Ask them. If they are still your best friends, and you know them well, then maybe they had a good reason.
:slight_smile:

3

When I was a really little kid- maybe second grade or so- I was the most unpopular person at school. I was the “cootie girl” and nobody would talk to me except to make fun of me or “catch cooties” to give to someone else. A seven year old is no more equipt to handle total social isolation than anyone else. It was a hellish existance.

But somehow I got invited to the birthday party of an aquaintance of mine. I think it was my first sleepover. We painted ceramic christmas tree ornaments, talked late into the night, and ate popcorn while watching movies. It was the first time I ever really felt an accepted part of a group, and I had the best time ever.

The next day, I went to tell the girl that it was a great party and I had a good time.

She replied “Oh, well, nobody wanted you there. My mom made me invite you.”

It was probably the most painful experience of my life.

4

Dude, do you have any idea how fucked-up your whole scenario is? You don’t even KNOW FOR SURE the friends in the car picked up the other two guys! Seeing the car “driving in their direction” doesn’t prove they never got on the second bus. Not only that, but if they really couldn’t stand you, none of them would ever bother calling and asking how you’ve been! This isn’t a “backstabbing.” The truth is, you have no conclusive evidence of anything, just a situation you’ve dreamed up that matches your own low self-esteem.
Furthermore, to hang onto something lfrom high school until you’re 30 is pretty pathetic. You need psychological counseling (or maybe an injection of emotional maturity) in a major way.

5

**EhhMon **, you might want to get to the bottom of that- I mean, if you never talked to them again after that, who knows what happened later. As someone who is rather vindictive about the way some people treated me in High School, just the same I wanted to make sure I knew why they were doing it. Frankly, there were some people in school whom I had thought were downright mean who later turned out to be totally benign in reality. So it was just my perception of them that shaped the behavior.

On the topic of backstabbing, I guess I could say I betrayed my best friend. However, it is kind of hard to look down on it now, because if you see the whole thing beginning to end, my own actions actually helped in the long run-

Both my best friend and I met a girl in High School. Friend had the hots for her, and they were in sort of a relationship. I was very attracted to the girl as well, but knew my friend liked her first, so I tried to back off. Unfortunately passion does crazy things to people, and as a desperate 16 year old, traitorous nookie was better than no nookie. I fooled around with her right behind my best friend’s back, and when he found out he felt incredibly betrayed :frowning: . For a while both of us quarreled over the affections of the girl in question, who seemingly played both sides to her own advantage. I realized what she was doing, and also came to the realization that I would never ‘win her over’ because she relied on the constant conflict between my friend and I for attention, so I ditched both of them and tried to move on with my life. I went to community college after graduation. The semester I earned my associate degree, I ran into my friend again. He had apparently broken up with his girlfriend, and was friendly around me again, so we regained our friendship (incredibly fast, I might add :slight_smile: ) He filled me in on the 2 years I had stopped talking with them:

His girlfriend was a black hole of self-esteem, who worked and worked to make her quarry feel worthless so that she could manipulate them. She played my friend like a fiddle, cheated on him openly, picked fights, etc. He put up with it for two years, but without me around to see as some kind of threat to his situation, he finally came to his senses on his own and dumped her. Up until then, he never believed my claims that she was trying to manipulate everyone, and that she would also be coming on to everybody- that it wasn’t that I was ‘forcing’ myself on her. But as she started sleeping around, the little lightbulbs in his head started to light up, and he had the realization that he had made a huge mistake in getting with her.

6

I agree with the others that you should talk to these former friends and try to straighten things out.
I had a pretty similar situation happen to me in high school. I was supposed to be going out with my best friend that night for Halloween, and I waited at my grandma’s where she was supposed to pick me up. When I called to ask what time she was going out … well, I don’t remember exactly, but I think it involved some lame excuse for not being able to go out. I found out on Monday at school that she had gone out, with a guy who hated me, and had ditched me to go out with him because he was cool, and he didn’t want to be seen with me. I felt so betrayed. Our friendship pretty much fell apart after that. Then about a year before I got married, we got back in touch with one another, and rekindled our friendship.
Now for the strange part. Remember the guy who hated me and didn’t want to be seen with me? Well, now my husband and I are close friends with him and his wife. He was a groomsman in our wedding, and my husband in his. We went on vacation with them this year.
So even if they did do it on purpose, there’s always a chance that your friendship could survive. People do change after high school, often for the better. I think so many of us get caught up in trying to be popular in high school that we’ll do anything to achieve that, even if it sometimes means betraying a friendship. Your friends probably feel terrible about this now. And if they don’t … well, then you need to stop letting this get to you because they’re not the type of people you want to be friends with anyway.

7

I’m quite over it Lizard Dude. Its just one of those times when you think back and reminise(sp?) on the so-called “good ole days”. That scenario always comes to mind, not sure why, but it always does. I guess the feeling of hurt and betrayel is what I remember the most about it. Not feelings I like and certainly not feelings I’ve encountered since.

And you’re right the car may have driving back in the direction of my other two friends could be a coincidence but I happen to know for a fact that they did go back and pick up my other two friends at the bus stop. The junior member of the quartet accidentally admitted it to me later that week.

Just an incident in my life that I thought I’d write about, as pointless and mundane as it sounds.

8

I can proudly say that neither Rachel, Joey, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross nor Monica ever did me wrong.

But that MONKEY … that monkey crossed me, and I made him PAY. That’s why he stopped appearing on the show.

9

Oh yes, this has happened. And quite recently. I was (or so I thought) close friends with two people. I told one of them something in confidence, in fact asked them to “vault” it from anyone else, up to, and including, our mutual friend. I probably would have told the other friend eventually, but I was embarrassed, and disgusted with myself, and had every reason to believe that the friend I told would “get” that and be able to commiserate with me.

Through a bizarre computer mishap that I still can’t figure out how happened (nor has it happened since), I found out that the first friend told the second friend what I’d specifically asked them not to. When I asked the second friend if they had been told, they flat out lied and said no. So I confronted the first friend and asked why - Why they felt it was ok to betray my confidence. It was again denied, and in fact they tried to turn it around on me that I was being paranoid. The second friend did the same thing. So not only did they lie to me and betray me, they were the ones that got mad at me for accusing them of foul play.

Now I could have confronted them with the knowledge that I wasn’t being paranoid and that I actually did know for a fact that they did exactly what I was accusing them of, but I figured what was the point - they’d already proved exactly how little they thought of me and my friendship, so I just stopped talking to both of them. Part of me wants to go back now and let them know I was on to what they were doing because I’m sure they are feeling all smug right now, however, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’d only be doing it for my own ego. I mean I know the truth, and even if they think I don’t and think I was just being delusional, what does it matter what they think? I’d still like the closure though - to know why. I mean there were far better ways to get me out of their lives if that’s what they wanted.

10

When I was in high school many years ago I discovered the pleasures of combustible herbaceous substances. At the time there was much publicity that indicated that only degenerates used such things. Not wishing to make waves with my friends, I adopted all kinds of sneaky behaviours to cover my “sins”.

Many years later at a reunion I discovered that several of us had been hiding our activities from our friends because we thought they weren’t into it. We were all wrong.

11

How come the OP is posting under two different names? Did someone forget to logoff at Chez EhhMon?

12

I was wondering that myself…

13

When I was a 12 year old girl, on the eve of my 13th birthday party, my Mom let me have a party at the house. Well, I’d just kind of gotten to know some of the popular girls, and I was so happy that they were coming to my party. I was psyched. I’d learned the moves to “Thriller” and I was going to bust out some moves on them.

But also, they showed up with this totally cute guy who I totally had a crush on.

Long story short, we were goign to play this game called “A Minute in Paradise” (or something) so they told me to go in the closet and blindfold myself and the cute guy was going to come in and kiss me. So, I went in the closet and when I did they all left. While they were leaving, my nerdy next door neighbor showed up and they told him to go in the closet and kiss me.

Well, he did. I was so pissed, I bawled him out, threw him out of house, wrecked the birthday present he gave, and just went back in the closet and cried for the rest of the night.

14

so you just saw 13 going on 30 too, eh? :wink:

15

no, why, what’s that about?

:smiley:

16

I was betrayed by a bunch of my friends.

I had known them for a few years, maybe 5-6. At the end of this time, there was a huge explosion in my life about my ex. Basically he accused me of cheating on him, and of stealing money from a certain place I had access to.

I hand’t cheated, although I had been with another guy soon after we broke up (in retrospect, not a smart move, but it all worked out for the best), and I definitely hadn’t stolen.

Well, this group of friends…I’m still not sure HOW it happened…they all believed him and dumped me like a box of rocks. They would turn and walk the other way whenever they saw me in the distance. It hurt, mostly because one of them I really loved, my best friend, and I lost her too.

Oh well. They’re all long gone now.

17

Short and sweet, still burns me to this day. Moved into an apartment, a gal that lived there and I developed a pretty heavy relationship over a 3 month period even though she was pregnant by a guy that split when told of the impending fatherhood. A month before the baby was due we decided to move in with each other because her lease was due to expire and she couldn’t afford rent while she was off for the birth. The Friday night before the move I came home (midnight, worked 2nd shift) and noticed no lights in her apartment. I went to my apartment and she wasn’t there, went to her apartment and it was empty. The next morning I called her sister, the only family member I had met, and she told me she knew nothing. As far as I could tell she had fallen off the face of the earth. Called the police and even they were no help. 2 weeks later she called and told me she moved back in with her parents in Nevada, she didn’t want to burden me with a child that wasn’t mine. Three months later I ran into her sister at a store and got the truth. The father of the baby showed up at her apartment that Friday and they packed and moved to somewhere in Oregon. Saw her once since and that was when she showed up at my mother’s funeral unannounced. The conversation:
Me: Why"
her: I don’t know. I made a mistake, I’m available now.
Me: I’m not.

I turned and walked away. I had met my current spouse 2 days earlier and we have been married almost 14 years. Sorry, thought it would be shorter.

18

Let me tell a story from the other side.

I worked with Kevin and we had become pretty good friends. He was a bit younger than me and I was kind of a mentor to him. I helped him through a lot of stuff. Most of his other work friends were pretty hard partiers. I would on very rare occasion hang out with this group.

One day a lady named Toni started working with us. After a time Kevin and Toni started a relationship. No one could have been happier for the two of them than me. I thought that they were great together. Toni didn’t like Kevin hanging out with the partiers and I can’t say that I blamed her.

After I left the job, Kevin didn’t call me or return calls. I didn’t think much of it. I just figured that we were “work friends.” Several months later a mutual friend told me why Kevin wasn’t talking to me. Toni told him that she overheard me telling someone else private details about their relationship and that when I saw that she had overheard I laughed and winked at her.

I assure you that not only did I do no such thing, laughing and winking at someone is not even close to one of my mannerisms. Total bullshit. I figure one of two things happened, she thought that I was part of the partier group and wanted to sabotage our friendship or she misunderstood a casual conversation.

Had Kevin bothered to confront me closer to the time when it happened it would have been a simple matter to explain what had really been said if she had overheard something innocent. As it is, he left town and I’ll probably never see him again. He may even post on a message board somewhere how he was backstabbed by a co-worker who he trusted.

Haj

19

Yes, someone did. The OP is EhhMon. Levdrakon has no idea what is going on. But EhhMon, being a very, very good friend of Levdrakon, has Levdrakon’s sympathy. If you knew EhhMon, you’d feel the same the way. He gets yelled at a lot for his posting mishaps, but he is the nicest and most loyal guy you’d ever want as a friend. Blond as he is sometimes.

Please carry on, and ignore the Levdrakon sign-on.

20

Yikes!!! I was using Levdrakon’s computer. Didn’t even realize i posted under his name
:smack:

I hope he doesn’t see this post…