Bad bad bad Forest fires, Fly infestations and a TV

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Beware of fire in the woods.
We had one. It was on the state land that abuts our land. No hunky forest firemen or exciting water drops from helicopters. Nah. They just had the local yokel timber company goofs plow up a fire ditch. I understand my 2yo grandsons coulda jumped it.

No matter. It never reached Mr.Wreks baby pine tree concern. Or really anywhere near the house.

But …it created a butt load of wet leaf litter smoke. It was thick at times, the wind would shift and it would dissipate for a bit and then back on us.

Kinda, not very magnificent as far as forest fires go.

Another but…it woke up the sleeping flies, or something. Holy cow. They swarmed like locusts.
We sprayed, sprinkled, whacked with flyswatters and my stoopid electronic tennis racket looking zapper. Everyone was warned to not let flies in my house.
Alas, doors must be opened. Too much. TOO much!
I hate pestilence. It just makes me sick. I wandered around like an assassin, bent on revenge for these buggers.
I’d say I probably put a big dent in their population in my home sweet home.

The odd interloper was still buzzing around. The little so-in-so got in my chamber. “No!” sez I. I will not sleep with a fly in my room.
Not happening.

I got a swatter. And a dish towel(back up) and the sanitizing wipes(fly goo).

I’m all set up. My secret phone, my tablet, my water, my TV on my 70s sitcoms I’m into at the moment. In my chair.

Ah, on my table by the chair. There the bastard is. I swatted. Dang it! Missed.

I watched as he flew around the ceiling fan. Then landed on my TV screen.
Jumped up and whacked the bugger. Got him. TV immediately had vertical stripes for a picture. Right before Barney was due to be on.

Step back here. This TV is just over a year old. (*I’ll come back to this) Cheap. From Walmart. Bought in a rush because my previous one crapped out.
…
There are at least 5 TVs in this house. Do you think anyone would give theirs (mine, I paid for them all) up for me. Oh NOOO!
“You’ll have to buy one anyway, Ma. May as well pony up!” Jeez.

Any hoo, get thru the night with no 70s sitcoms.

This morning I call customer service for the TV. No dice. Screen damage will break it. TV smoke inhalation and fly swarms don’t count. No, I didn’t buy extended warranty. Not that it would cover willful damage on my part. I’m screwed.

I sent Son-of-a-wrek to go get me a new TV. He had my CC, I was worried what else he’d buy. I gave him the speech. He only brought extra flyspray that seems to smell good. Don’t kill crap, but at least I’m sure it won’t kill me either. And, the TV was on sale.

I’m all set. Water, secret phone, tablet, new worthless flyspray and my NEW TV set to some murder show til time for bad 70s sitcoms.
No flyswatter. Near me.

(*Why are these TV screens so fragile? Can’t we do better? I’m pretty sure, I alone have messed up 3. This is just ridiculous. Furthermore, why are TV guys not available anymore?:thinking: I need one.)

2

A little earlier, wasn’t it?

3

Beck, I’m telling you, hairspray is your friend. It doesn’t kill flies, but it immobilizes them so they can’t move. They usually fall from the mirror or TV or whatever they’re climbing. Then you can whack 'em without breaking your TV.

Of course, then you may have to use a wet wipe where the hairspray landed. Or just stand under the can while you spray and pretend you’re a 1960s politician’s wife.

4

Such a surprising simple thing.
I think I’ve got an old can of Aquanet around here somewhere.

(I’ll be sorry ahead of time if it’s full of CFCs, breathe easy til it dissipates, guys)

5

Do the Bug-a-salt things hit hard?

I’m thinking of getting one.
Would that hurt the TV screen?

6

And once you done killing flies, the Aquanet makes a great propellant for a potato gun. You have one, right?

7

Of course.

I ain’t shooting that at the TV

8

Don’t spray Aquanet on the TV screen – wait for the fly to go elsewhere! Aquanet contains alcohol, among other things. I would also never clean a TV screen (or computer monitor) with any kind of solvent like isopropyl alcohol. Just use a soft damp cloth, or at most, if necessary, a soft cloth dampened with a VERY dilute solution of Dawn. Also, don’t smack a TV screen with a flyswatter – but you already know that! :wink:

9

To the tune of $598, plus tax.
I’ve learned my lesson.

10

Aaaaacccckkk! There’s a fly in my boudoir. Again.

He ain’t breaking my TV.
He ain’t breaking my TV.
He ain’t breaking my TV.

But, he will die!

11

My father went after flies all his life. Took them as a personal affront. When he got past fifty, he started going after them with a vacuum cleaner tube.

I never tried it myself, so I can’t recommend it personally.

12

Hmmm?

I may need to spend more money. My vac is upright.
Wonder if a dust buster would work?
I gotta dig that thing out.

13

You can also swat them in mid-air with a flyswatter. It usually doesn’t kill them, but it surprises and stuns them, and then you can finish the job while they’re lying there trying to sort themselves out, rubbing their little legs together. It’s actually a rather sporting and athletic way to deal with flies. :ping_pong: :fly:

Or you can move up here to Canada where we have glorious bug-free winters. Even in the summer, our insects tend to be timid, because they know their lives are short! :snowflake:

14

I kinda hate the electronic flyswatter. It’s hit or miss, of course that’s my vision impairment that causes that. If you can catch one on a table top and are able to get the racket on top of it it works like it’s supposed to and fry’s 'em up.
Now I worry about the fried fly powder floating around the room. And spray lots of Lysol.
Then I worry about breathing all that bug and chemical gunk into my lungs.
I lay down to rest after all that and fear I’ll get complacent about my activity level. And probably die, having bad karma for killing a fly.

Would you say I have a problem? Yes, yes I believe I must have.

I think I’ll just let the fly live his stupid life.

15

I’d suggest a butterfly net, but those are too big to wave around in the house. You could break more than a TV.

16

No, no, Beck, I’m suggesting swatting the fly in mid-air with an ordinary non-electric swatter. I’ve actually done this a few times, and sometimes it stuns 'em and knocks 'em to the ground, where you can finish them off.

You may not know this but fly-swatting is a well-regarded sport among English aristocrats, as in this excerpt from a story by my favourite author, P.G. Wodehouse, about the Swattsmore hunt club (from the book Louder and Funnier): :laughing:

The Swattesmore, the hunt to which I belong, always meets directly after breakfast. And a jovial gathering it is. Tough old Admiral Bludyer has his rolled-up copy of Country Life, while young Reggie Bootle carries the lighter and more easily wielded Daily Mail.

There is a good deal of genial chaff and laughter because some youngster who is new to the game has armed himself with a patent steel-wire swatter, for it is contrary to all the etiquette of the chase to use these things. Your true sportsman would as soon shoot a sitting bird.

Meanwhile Sigsbee, our host’s butler - specially engaged for his round and shiny head, which no fly has ever been known to resist - has opened the window. There is a hush of anticipation, and the talk and laughter are stilled. Presently you hear a little gasp of excitement from some newly joined member, who has not been at the sport long enough to acquire the iron self-control on which we of the Swattesmore pride ourselves. A fine fly is peering in.

This is the crucial moment. Will he be lured in by Sigsbee’s bald head, or will he pursue his original intention of going down to the potting-shed to breakfast on the dead rat? Another moment, and he has made his decision. He hurries in and seats himself on the butler’s glistening cupola. Instantaneously, Francis, the footman, slams the window. The fly rockets to the ceiling. ‘Gone away, sir, thank you, sir,’ says Sigsbee respectfully, and with a crashing ‘Yoicks!’ and ‘Tally-ho!’ the hunt is up.

17

Funny. Thanks for that. Cheered me up.:blush: