APOC: My well-rested brain understands you. Thanks. [sub]I think.[/sub]
Rilch: Yea, you’re right. How well does capsaicin work in solution with petroleum jelly?
<snip>
May I be the first to say.
YYYEEEEOOOWWWWWWWCCCHIEEE!
Not so much a karmic bitchslap, but certainly a moralistic directional correction -
When I was young, there was this neighborhood guy who basically hated anyone else feeling happy or good. One year, he thought he would teach us all a lesson by stealing xmas presents from a lot of the townspeople.
Well, his robberies were successful, but when we woke up xmas morning, instead of being sad, we felt a kind of “we’re all in this together” solidarity, so we just started singing holiday songs and enjoying each others company.
When he saw his plan backfire so profoundly, he realized what he had done, and his anti-social shell, built up over many years, withered and left him a changed man. He returned the presents, and eventually ended up being a beloved citizen of our small town.
He became so beloved in fact, that we were saddned to hear that he had a severely enlarged heart, and was expected to die relatively young. He also later faced some animal abuse charges which had something to do with using his dog as a draught animal.
In retrospect, I think that was my favorite xmas ever. In addition to seeing this man essentially reborn, I also got a really nice fentoozler from my parents.
A guy who was always screwing with me in middle school died of cancer at the age of 22.
And they say that raw, concentrated hate never accomplished anything.
-Joe, vengeful
2 Examples.
The guy who bullied my husband in school died when someone torched his house (have to say - don’t know whether he deserved THAT).
A woman who bullied me at work was sacked from her next job for being incompetent - YESSS!!!
A girl named Erica tormented me in high school. I had been looking forward to starting high school in a way that only geeky, overachieving types can, and she nearly single-handedly burst my bubble of well-being in the first week of school. She was hateful and mean, and I was grateful that she was in the grade below mine so that I only had to deal with her on the bus and occasionally between classes.
I went away to college and all seemed well, until she enrolled there and we were living in the same dorm. She was just as bitchy as ever.
She failed most of her classes during her first semester. I know this because I was working in the student government office when she came in to see the student government president to ask if he could pull some strings to get her back in. She had the gall to act as if we were old friends and ask if there was anything I could do to help her!
I look back now and realize that she was a troubled girl who probably had a lot of problems of which I wasn’t aware. But there is still a tiny part of me that says, “HAHAHAHAHA!”
One of the guys who bullied me from grade 6 through highschool (because I was a good student) turned up on my class list for an archaeology class I was co-teaching.
The look on his face on the first day of class was totally priceless.
I marked fairly. I had to. He got a 56%. It felt real goooooood.
Eat THAT, Alain.
A punk-kid superior that really rode my ass, treated me unkindly, etc. as I worked at a dollar store found himself with one employee left one day, as the boss, another employee and I happened to quit on the same day. I later heard that he was fired due to complaints which stemmed from his overworking. Mild, I know—I seem to have not had many moments of this caliber, and the rest I must’ve forgotten.
Purd Werfect or whoever—what’s a fentoozler? All I get are Blink-182 lyrics when I google it.
Wow, they should make a movie of that and show it every Christmas.
I once knew a person who assured me I was too young to know what love really was, too young ot have a successful marriage, too young to do just about anything without mommy and daddy financing me and holding my hand. But it was the way she acted towards me when I got married that really bugged me. Rude, condesending, going out of her way to try to make the whole thing negative…She was very insistent that she knew more about being married than I ever would because I was so young an stupid…
Three years later her second marriage is in complete shambles and her life is falling apart. Mine is just fine though.
Take that bitch.
I thought it was karmic reallignment when Kurt Warner, who thanked Jesus for breaking Trent Green’s knee so he would have a chance to play (Apparently Kurt and the Big Guy have a kind of Tanya Harding-Jeff Gilooley relationship) got Wally Pipped himself this season.
I kinda felt sorry for old Warner. I don’t know what he did to piss off Jesus, but it must have been big. Either that, or Jesus is a fickle bitch when it comes to football.
You can find out all about them here.
Looks like I dissected a frog—sorry. :o 
and yet, sometimes there are events that give you a sense of clarity over Karma … a sense that it does not exist.
There is a man here in town who has fucked over more people than I care to count … he is a walking, talking, singing, dancing, chunk of evil. He recently retired, after having extended his work contract by a year (receiving a nice handsome 6 figure paycheque to do so) and is relaxing and loving his life.
I look at him and realize Karma doesn’t exist … which is too bad really because I need something else then to explain this story:
my best friend has had a computer consulting company for close to 15 years now. About 10 years ago, he was having troubles with a client, a dial up ISP, that was jerking him around. The yearly renewal date for his contract was coming up, and they decided that in addition to the year of jerking him around, they were not going to renew his contract (even though this is a small town and there really weren’t any other options). He is a good guy, and had other work, so he just ran with it and worked out the remainder of the contract.
Exactly one second after the expiration of his contract, a lightning bolt was witnessed to hit the building where the ISP was located, taking out all their power and leaving them offline for close to 24 hours (an expensive problem for them …).
He was nice about it though, and didn’t fuck them over to bad when they called him in a panic wanting to set up some emergency support.
(yes, that time is exact … was recovered from the server logs on one of the machines when they got it back up and running).
The local pagan community still has a level of respect for him. smile
Similarly, there was this very senior senator with decidedly disagreeable views regarding race and homosexuality.
His death became inextricably linked with a court ruling which occurred on the same day striking down laws criminalizing sodomy.
And apparently he was less revolted by darker-skinned people than originally thought, given some other, more recent revelations.
Posterity can be so cruel.
This isn’t a huge payback, but it sure felt pretty good at the time.
And naturally it goes back to that hormone saturated bleak period known as High school.
There was a girl,K, that for reasons that completely escaped me, was popular. Sure she was pretty and had a hot body, but she had such a snarky personality and her vindictiveness towards us lesser non-alpha females was, frankly, mystifiying. I was decidely not in her catagory ( not looks-not bragging, really.) but in having no spine. I’ve improved 20,000 percent since then.
I hated her with the passions of at least two burning suns that only an adolescent could posess.
Years later, reading my sunday newspaper Lifestyle section, there is K on the front page, wah wah wah-ing over the fact that the ultra perfecto wedding gown she bought through the trendiest bridal gown store in possibly the state was now trapped in permament limbo as the store closed.
Oh, and she was a blonde in the picture, which she most definately wasn’t in high school.
That made me gleefully happy for some time.
I think it’s what you get when you put an allibobster together with a newt.
Ava
When I was a kid I swore once by accident. My mother washed my mouth out with soap. I eventually went blind from soap poisoning, and years later when I returned home my parents and kid brother were really sad. Sweet!
Well, at least you didn’t put your eye out, though I suppose that’s of limited consolation now.
Years ago, I decided to go job hunting to get away from a printing company I couldn’t stand anymore, so I interviewed around and got an offer from another company. The fat pig who ran the place wanted me there right away. He insisted I only give a 2-day notice to my old company. Not a wise thing to do, but I did it.
On the third day of the new job, I was sick as a dog. I didn’t lay out of work because I didn’t want to do that so soon on my new job. I couldn’t anything done that day, so I didn’t meet quota. That evening after I got home, the fat pig called me up and fired me. He talks me into giving 2-day notice to my old company then fires me after 3 days. I didn’t get a new job for 7 months.
Shortly after I start work at the new place, I talked to a technician who worked on our presses. I told him about the fat pig I used to work for. The tech knew who he was. He said the fat pig almost went bankrupt and had to sell his business to a new owner. The new owner kept the fat pig on as Operations Manager for a while, then fired him.
Made my day.