Look, I am what some people call a “liberal Christian” in that I don’t believe in Biblical inerrancy, I do accept evolution, I do not see homosexual orientation or sexual activity as inherently more sinful than heterosexual activity, and my apparent focus is more on God’s mercy than His judgement. As I have read what badchad has written during the past year, my positions are not consistent with Christianity as he defines it, and my insistence on clinging to my religious beliefs is an indication that I am not capable of logic and that I am not completely sane. Well, bluntly, I suffer from clinical depression. In a strict, literalist sense, I’m not completely sane. As for being capable of logic, I am a computer programmer. I’ve designed robust, versatile systems which have run for years. In my own opinion, I’m not completely incapable of logic.
I don’t claim to have my religious beliefs fully worked out, nor do I expect to in my lifetime. I do know that, because of the way my mind works, neither Fundamentalist Christianity nor Atheism are viable belief systems for me, although I do realize they work for others. Had I been an atheist this winter when I was laid off, applying strict logic to my life, colored by the way depression and despair affect my mind, I would have seen ending my life as the only logical thing to do. As it was, I came close. Under the Fundamentalist mindset, I suspect my tendency to magnify my own faults and failings would kick in even harder than it usually does, and I might well judge myself too sinful too live.
More to the point, I’m also incredibly contrary by nature. If you tell me “You must be [A]”, my gut reaction is to look into becoming the opposite. I can accept authority, but it had better be someone I know and respect. Someone telling me they’re speaking for God or logic doesn’t cut it. I am devout for all my “liberalism” and I have a personal relationship with what I believe to be God. I have had prayers answered in my life, and I’ve seen what I believe to be miracles. Why then, should I unquestionally accept someone else’s experience with God over my own, especially if that person’s experiences with God and what their beliefs about God wants directly contradict my own?
I’m not an Atheist; I’m not a Fundamentalist Christian. While, no doubt, if I had to, I could find a way to function without religion in my life, it would be a kludge and a work-around if ever there was one. As I tried to say early in my encounters with badchad, religion provides a simple, elegant solution to various problems if my life. If that means I’m using it as a crutch, I freely admit that. In some ways, I have a couple of broken legs, which means I need a crutch sometimes.
When I took badchad to be taking a “You must be [A] or you’re no true Christian”, after getting irritated and attempting to engage him a few times, I walked away. I believe that was the right thing to do. If anyone wishes to thing I’m illogical, insane, inconsistent, or anything else, that is their privilege. I am neither of the things badchad tells me I must be, nor do I care to be. It is most certainly possible for me to change what I am, but his arguments do not make me inclined to either of the options he presents.
CJ

