United States Professional Sports Venues Which No Longer Exist
Municipal Stadium - Kansas City, MO
Ontario Motor Speedway – Ontario, CA
Candlestick Park - San Francisco, CA
Tiger Stadium - Detroit, MI
Kingdome - Seattle, WA
Polo Grounds - New York City
Colt Stadium - Houston
Chicago Coliseum - Chicago
Ebbets Field - NYC
Frank Youell Field - Oakland, CA
Boston Garden - Boston, MA
Shea Stadium - NYC
Met Center - Bloomington, MN
What I Should Have Said // What I Said
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
The idea and the above example are taken from the book “Maybe He’s Dead” by Mary Ann Madden, her third collection of literary competitions for The New Yorker magazine. The other two collections are titled “Thank You For The Giant Sea Tortoise” and “Son Of Giant Sea Tortoise”.
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
Despite my poorly worded proposal, she married me anyway.
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
“It’s great to finally meet you. You must be pretty special for my son to have you meet the family.” // “Now, which one are you?”
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
“It’s great to finally meet you. You must be pretty special for my son to have you meet the family.” // “Now, which one are you?”
“Will you marry me?” // “Will you marry me?”
Probably the only instance in my life where I DID say the right thing at the right time.
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
“It’s great to finally meet you. You must be pretty special for my son to have you meet the family.” // “Now, which one are you?”
“Will you marry me?” // “Will you marry me?”
[Not a damn word] // “Oh, when are you due?”
I said that to a salesgirl at a maternity store. She cried; I died inside.
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
“It’s great to finally meet you. You must be pretty special for my son to have you meet the family.” // “Now, which one are you?”
“Will you marry me?” // “Will you marry me?”
[Not a damn word] // “Oh, when are you due?”
“Very sorry to hear of your husband’s passing.” // “How’s your husband?”
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
“It’s great to finally meet you. You must be pretty special for my son to have you meet the family.” // “Now, which one are you?”
“Will you marry me?” // “Will you marry me?”
[Not a damn word] // “Oh, when are you due?”
“Very sorry to hear of your husband’s passing.” // “How’s your husband?”
“You’re a really smart guy!” // “You’re a really smart guy, considering that you never went to college!”
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
“It’s great to finally meet you. You must be pretty special for my son to have you meet the family.” // “Now, which one are you?”
“Will you marry me?” // “Will you marry me?”
[Not a damn word] // “Oh, when are you due?”
“Very sorry to hear of your husband’s passing.” // “How’s your husband?”
“You’re a really smart guy!” // “You’re a really smart guy, considering that you never went to college!”
“No, officer.” // “Lemme guess, you pulled me over because you were getting bored, had nothing better to do and thought you’d get your jollies by hassling innocent folks like me.”
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
“It’s great to finally meet you. You must be pretty special for my son to have you meet the family.” // “Now, which one are you?”
“Will you marry me?” // “Will you marry me?”
[Not a damn word] // “Oh, when are you due?”
“Very sorry to hear of your husband’s passing.” // “How’s your husband?”
“You’re a really smart guy!” // “You’re a really smart guy, considering that you never went to college!”
“No, officer.” // “Lemme guess, you pulled me over because you were getting bored, had nothing better to do and thought you’d get your jollies by hassling innocent folks like me.”
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
“It’s great to finally meet you. You must be pretty special for my son to have you meet the family.” // “Now, which one are you?”
“Will you marry me?” // “Will you marry me?”
[Not a damn word] // “Oh, when are you due?”
“Very sorry to hear of your husband’s passing.” // “How’s your husband?”
“You’re a really smart guy!” // “You’re a really smart guy, considering that you never went to college!”
“No, officer.” // “Lemme guess, you pulled me over because you were getting bored, had nothing better to do and thought you’d get your jollies by hassling innocent folks like me.”
“You look fine.” // “You look fine.”
“Let me refer this to the creative director.” // “You are being rude, unhelpful and unprofessional.”
A little convo in Workfront with the marketing slime partner who accused me of sabotaging his project. All screenshotted and presented to my bosses.
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
“It’s great to finally meet you. You must be pretty special for my son to have you meet the family.” // “Now, which one are you?”
“Will you marry me?” // “Will you marry me?”
[Not a damn word] // “Oh, when are you due?”
“Very sorry to hear of your husband’s passing.” // “How’s your husband?”
“You’re a really smart guy!” // “You’re a really smart guy, considering that you never went to college!”
“No, officer.” // “Lemme guess, you pulled me over because you were getting bored, had nothing better to do and thought you’d get your jollies by hassling innocent folks like me.”
“You look fine.” // “You look fine.”
“Let me refer this to the creative director.” // “You are being rude, unhelpful and unprofessional.”
“Broken left upper window.” // “Eight ball, side pocket.”
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
“It’s great to finally meet you. You must be pretty special for my son to have you meet the family.” // “Now, which one are you?”
“Will you marry me?” // “Will you marry me?”
[Not a damn word] // “Oh, when are you due?”
“Very sorry to hear of your husband’s passing.” // “How’s your husband?”
“You’re a really smart guy!” // “You’re a really smart guy, considering that you never went to college!”
“No, officer.” // “Lemme guess, you pulled me over because you were getting bored, had nothing better to do and thought you’d get your jollies by hassling innocent folks like me.”
“You look fine.” // “You look fine.”
“Let me refer this to the creative director.” // “You are being rude, unhelpful and unprofessional.”
“Broken left upper window.” // “Eight ball, side pocket.”
“It looks ok, but the other one looks better on you.” // “Yes, it makes you look fat.”
Dave Barry once wrote that you should never assume that a woman is pregnant unless you see the baby actually emerging from her body.
What I Should Have Said // What I Said
“Well, he may have had to stay late at the office, or it could just be bad traffic. Maybe he had to take a call that went long.” // “Maybe he’s dead.”
“No matter what happens between us we can work together to make sure this baby has the best parenting and opportunities we could provide.” // “Sigh, I guess we should get married.”
“It’s great to finally meet you. You must be pretty special for my son to have you meet the family.” // “Now, which one are you?”
“Will you marry me?” // “Will you marry me?”
[Not a damn word] // “Oh, when are you due?”
“Very sorry to hear of your husband’s passing.” // “How’s your husband?”
“You’re a really smart guy!” // “You’re a really smart guy, considering that you never went to college!”
“No, officer.” // “Lemme guess, you pulled me over because you were getting bored, had nothing better to do and thought you’d get your jollies by hassling innocent folks like me.”
“You look fine.” // “You look fine.”
“Let me refer this to the creative director.” // “You are being rude, unhelpful and unprofessional.”
“Broken left upper window.” // “Eight ball, side pocket.”
“It looks ok, but the other one looks better on you.” // “Yes, it makes you look fat.”
“It’s a decent hotel and I think we’d be comfortable there.” // “I’ve heard lots of guys take their girlfriends there for a discreet roll in the hay.”