Batman vs. CGI Yoda

You know the drill.

Against all odds…

Yoda wins.

For starters, Batman—while obstensibly serving the cause of “good”—is unquestionably attuned to the “dark side” of the force…but not fully attuned to the dark side (as evidence of this, Batman “won’t kill”), which might have given him the purity of “power” to overwhelm Yoda.

Second, Batman’s ethic is based on fear…and as Yoda said himself, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate…leads to suffering.”

So, in short, the only way for Batman to be able to beat Yoda would be to allow himself to become fully engulfed by the dark side…in which case, he’d “lose,” anyway.

So, are you saying that even Muppet Yoda would win?

Of course Muppet Yoda would win.

He’d drop an x-wing on Batman’s head.

Hmmph. You’d think Batman would be ready for something like that.

So, you’re basically dealing with a moldy sock and a dude with pointy ears and you want me to decide who would win?

Yoda can pull the funny shit, but can’t run very fast. He doesn’t wear any armour of any kind, unless you count rags. Give batman a chain gun. He’d only have to hit yoda once, while the sock would have to get within range, so I’d put my money on batman.

Forgive some musing…from my limited experience, Batman is a rather insecure, neurotic sort of fellow…one comment could set him off in a frenzy & he’d go all distracted…this Yoda chap, like my mum, seems to be very good at calmly saying things and bringing up issues what would cause Mother Theresa’s head to go spinning around in a rage…so unless Batman could quickly stuff the ‘moldy sock’ into the wash and then into the drier, where he’d end up so much lint caught in the trap, all Yoda has to do is say something like, ‘Knew your father, I did.’

Cos, well, I know how I get when my mum arches an eyebrow at one of my tantrums and says, ‘You’re just like your dad, you know that?’


Here’s how it would go down:

First, the match up:


As a tall, dark, and violent millionaire bachelor, he’s the superhero most likely to get his own reality show. Armed with only his incredible gadgets and a tenuous grasp of reality, he takes to the streets nightly to dish out pain and suffering. Pursing his warped notion of justice is the only way to ease his twisted conscience. Perpetually prepared. Has cape and pointy ears.


As the universe’s wisest tiny green troll, he is the movie star most likely to become next governor of California. Armed with a glow-stick and some New Age claptrap, he offers sage advice to prospective Jedi who crash in his swamp. Hobbies include cooking, dancing, long walks on the beach, and lifting weights. Recently deceased. Has pointy ears, but no cape.

The Fight:

Yoda attempts to catch Batman off-guard with a well-placed, grammatically incorrect witticism. However, Batman routinely fights foes who make much less sense. His intimate knowledge of the crazy gives Batman the edge and he hurls his Batarang!

Yoda calmly flicks it back at him with the Force. It strikes Batman squarly in the forehead, causing a minor headache. Batman, sizing up the situation, moves in close and gives Yoda a whiff of Batgas.

Yoda has been breathing swamp fumes for years, and is unaffected. He uses the Force to pull Batman’s cape over his head. Then he laughs his diabolical muppet-laugh as Batman stumbles around in the dark. Batman finally wises up and activates the Anti-Force device on his utility belt.

“Shitty this is,” mutters Yoda as he pulls out his tiny lightsaber. Casting aside all strategy, they go at it like Cornish hens. Within seconds, Batman is hacked to bloody ribbons. You see, Yoda is knee-length fury and Batman is just a regular guy in a funny suit. Yoda makes Batman stew. Delicious it is.

Who Da Man?-

Yoda Man