Well, Philster. I have lunch in an hour and a couple of boca garlicburgers in the freezer. I’ll have them in your honor. 
The only tinned meats I use are corned beef (which becomes hash with mashed potatoes,corn and cheese) and SPAM Hot and Spicy, which is pretty hot and spicy and makes a splendid sandwich with thick sliced tomato and lettuce.
Those Morningstar “chix” patties are awesome. I like them better than real chicken patties. They give me truly foul gas, though!
I also love Gardenburgers. You can throw them on the grill at an omnivore barbecue, and they are available at some fast-food venues where the only other healthy option is a “garden” salad (iceberg lettuce, plasticy wedges of tomato, meagre, industrial carrot gratings, and fat-free dressing.) Gardenburgers taste good with ketchup and mustard, which makes them an appropriate substitute for a beefy burger, in my book. As TeaElle says, you can’t compare them to meat. They aren’t meat. They aren’t supposed to taste like meat.
Same thing with tofu. I love tofu, just for its natural tofu-y goodness. I think a lot of people get turned off by tofu because people say, “Try it, it tastes just like [insert meat product here.]” When they take a bite, instead of something with the taste and texture of rich, delicious, juicy meat they get a mouthful of tofu. Well, duh. Obviously, once your expectations are raised, it’s going to seem like the blandest thing on the planet. It simply doesn’t taste like meat, and anyone who says they can cook it so it tastes just like [meat product] is delusional. But there are many delicious ways to prepare tofu, and many different varieties of tofu. If I had a choice between cooking with tofu or with chicken every night for a month, I can get a greater variety of tasty dishes out of the tofu, that’s for sure.
Trader Joe’s also makes a veggie curry burger. It is delicious.
Hey, about the BK veggie burger. The hardest thing about eating it was ordering it. It’s like walking in and saying, “I’m a freak.”
slortar, that is just not nice. 
ITR champion, I see that you live in Nashville. There is a Houston’s there, and I assume that the menu is roughly the same at all locations, they have a fantastic garden buger. Everything is good there and I recommend the restaurant if you’ve never been.
Hey Dopers,
How do these things stack up from a dietary point of view? If I substitute say a veggie burger for a regular burger, am I reducing caloric intake? It seems like this could be a way to take care of the Meat Cravings which handicapped previous diet attempts.
I even wrote your name on the bun in sriracha sauce.
Hypno-Toad: from my memory of the nutritional information box I’d say they’re quite a bit healthier than normal burgers (well, in the sense that they have far fewer calories). A Boca patty is about 90 calories, almost all of which is coming from protein. Very little fat and carbs, as I recall.
Dunno about the other brands, although I suspect they’re similar.
Protein = higher than veggies, lower than meat; still a great source of protein for those of us who are strict veggies. Most of these are soy-based.
fat = significantly lower than real Meat
Calories = because of reduced fat, calories are lower as well.
Carbs = a little lower if you go for the non-breaded choices.
IMHO: This is a great way to reduce meat cravings.
I love Morningstar Farms breakfast “meats”. It’s been so long since I’ve had real bacon that their fake bacon works like a charm in my F-BLTs (Fake Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato). Tastes exactly the same to me with zero fat. The fake sausage is also dead-on. I also love their philly steak and cheese fake burger. With some vegetarian mushroom gravy, smashed garlic taters and some grilled veggies, it’s just like eating meatloaf and gravy. (Of course I make excellent gravy, with or without the meat.)
I have found Boca burgers to be lacking and haven’t come across many other brands.
Oh, and BK veggie burgers? IIRC they are microwaved garden burgers. If they’d just toss 'em on that flame grill, they’d be oh-so-much better.
I just put it out of my mind that BK actually offers veggie options and order off the menu at Taco Bell. Hey, we all have our weaknesses. I can get everything on Taco Bell’s menu without the meat and substitute the beans instead: love it. I wouldn’t feed my dogs BK’s veggie burger.
Chili’s has awesome veggie burgers as well and will make any of their standard burgers with a veggie patty, which has a lot of black beans. Very yummy. (Those I would feed the dogs!)
Okay, now you’re being downright cruel. Sriracha sauce is the single biggest reason I can eat healthy and be happy.
Here are some of the ones I enjoy. . .
~ Misteak
~ Soystrami
~ Mockwurst
~ Nauseages
~ Prosciuttofu
~ Approximeat
~ Roast, Almost
~ Kielbeancurdasa
~ Soysters Rockefeller
~ Nofu: The Tofu Substitute
~ Fake-un Double Cheesebulghur
~ I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Dead Animal!
(I stole that from a website, which might have stole it from the Onion
-Trunk)
Trunk,
You forgot “Tofuck You, Meat Lover!”
I’m laughing at this because of my recent experience. It reminded me of a movie where some guy is trying to buy condoms and the cashier asks for the price over the loud speaker. (price on Rough Riders, isle 2).
3 people got into a discussion about whether or not they still had some. I think I heard the sound of a hammer and ice pick in the background. In the end it was nothing but a dusty old Gardernburger with a lot of crap thrown on to disguise the flavor (or lack thereof),
I don’t have a lot of experience with pseudomeat, but I can vouch for Boca burgers. Tasty stuff, easy—and clean—to cook.
No, I’m talking about Quorn. I don’t like the taste and the textures of it I’ve had I don’t like. I know the difference between Quorn and tofu.
Can’t believe I forgot to mention Tofurkey! Delicious for any occasion and especially handy for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. I was reminded because part of the “tradition” is someone every year makes the “too bad they don’t make a duck” joke.
Their Soy Chick’n Gyoza is very yummy. And I’m not a vegetarian, I just prefer them to the chicken ones…
In a battle of the fake meats, there can be only one…
SPAM
Chili’s has that badass black bean patty. YUM. I get over there maybe once every one or two years, but damn, that’s some good eatin’!
I’m a Boca girl myself. I’m vegan and a lot of the gardenburger and morningstar stuff has egg in it. A brand I recently discovered is Tofurky. For the longest time, I thought it was just a name people made up to poke fun at vegetarians around Thanksgiving. But alas, there is an actual Tofurky brand and it is DEEEE-LICIOIUS!
Their italian sausage is awesome. Veat is also quite good. You can buy some packages here of dehydrated (yeah, I know, but stay with me) veat pieces and use them in soups and stews. The stuff is so damned good it should be illegal.
You realize that veat comes from baby vegitables, don’t you? How can you sleep at night? 