Battle of the Worst Movies Ever; Manos vs. Birdemic....

Cafe Society
1

I finally got to watch “Birdemic; Shock and Terror” on Netflix, and it amazed me how bad and inept it was…

I’m not just talking about the truly horrid “special” effects, which were the only high point in the movie, being so thoroughly aggressivelly, laughably bad, but the entire movie itself, the completely boring romance, and the blatant tree-hugging envirowhackjob message, the utter lack of continuity, everything, it was thoroughly horrid…

Then it hit me (no, not an eagle, or buzzard), this film is a modern-day Manos; hands of fate’ the horrible sound direction, lack of continuity, awkward dialog, the constant driving and parking sequences, it’s Manos for the Modern Day!

So, for those of you who have seen both, which is the worst? I’m talking the un-MST’ed or un-Rifftraxed versions, just the standard, unimproved films?

Does The Master approve of Global Warming, or will the Bark Beetles end up taking care of the place when The Master is away? Will the Eagles play the Valley Lodge?

2

That’s…a tough question. I’ve watched Birdemic end-to-end, and I just barely consider it a movie. It doesn’t seem like it was written, shot, and edited, it seems like it was scrawled, witnessed, and then bound together.

Manos I’ve only seen in pieces, but it strikes me as more of a real movie…just an abysmal (and boring) one.

Between the two, I’d call Birdemic worse, but Manos is harder to sit through.

The best worst movie, however, is The Room. Just enough craft to make it apparent how terrible it is.

3

When we get down to this level, I’d say that Manos is the best of the worst and [del]Birdemic[/del] Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny is the worst of the worst.

4

I still go with Manos as the worst. It’s just technically more badly produced. The cinematography is home-movie quality. The sound is abysmal, much worse than Birdemic. The only thing Manos has going for it is that it actually succeeds at being creepy. Birdemic is more like a corporate training video about environmentalism produced under duress by the lowest bidder. Like it was part of a punishment mandated by the EPA on a company guilty of pollution violations.

5

I am of the firm opinion that (Arizona) Werewolf gives both a run for their money, for two reasons:

  1. There was obviously ambition behind the special effects, and it failed spectacularly, whereas Manos, at least, didn’t have that requirement in its “plot”, and

  2. Manos can at least be excused by its age and being a product of its era, to some extent. Werewolf was made in 1996. I dare anyone to watch that film for the first time and accurately guess when it was made. It looks and feels decades older.

6

Totally agree. I would’ve voted for it had it been an option. Since it isn’t, I’d have to go with Manos. I get the feeling that the folks behind Birdemic were kinda aware of what they were doing, and were deliberately shooting for a Room level of crapulence / publicity.

7

Manos wins before a line of dialogue is even spoken. The movie opens with about eight years of driving through the desert footage. There were supposed to be credits, there weren’t, and they kept the footage.

8

Oh, come on. ''Can’t we all give peace a chance?" is biting political commentary.

I choose Birdemic.

  1. The birds explode on impact.

There doesn’t need to be a number 2.

(Though Manos definitely has a funnier title, as it translates to ‘‘Hands: The Hands of Fate.’’)

This poll also needs to include Troll 2. For the corn lovemaking scene alone. (And the fact that it is hilariously unaware of how terrible it is.)

9

Well, which is “better”…a ten-tier wedding cake made entirely of crap; or putting all the ingredients for a ten-tier wedding cake (including the frosting and candles) in a large bowl, listlessly swishing it around a bit, and then serving?