A fight between Kirk and Ash, in N rounds:
Round 1: They square off, torsos partially exposed.
Rounds two through N-1: Kirk beats on Ash brutally. Winning fistfights with only one hand gets tricky.
Round N-1: Kirk takes a break from beating Ash into a bloody mess, is amazed when said bloody mess gets up, unslings chainsaw and shotgun.
Round N: Kirk is mauled, shot, perforated, chopped, and hacked, and also fed to local zombies. (There are always zombies).
Round N+1: The Enterprise destroys the planet in revenge. Kirk always cheats.
Round N+1.03: As the planet disentegrates around him, Ash is sucked into yet another zombie-filled universe. Look for him in the new Resident Evil movie.