Rue, I joined your fan club and everything!
Rue, I say truly, you are the big mack daddy.
Knick knack paddy?
Hmm. Big mack daddy whack.
You, above all, can without hesitation give that dog a bone.
A tattoo AND a thong?
:dissolves into a puddle:
[sub]A leering puddle[/sub]
Elenfair, I didn’t list you in the (much abreviated) Pal Roster, because, well, I work for you. I could say right now that my biggest thrill is to work under the radiant Elenfair, and one day I hope to work over her a little… but I won’t. I wouldn’t want to besmerch the lovely Elly’s reputation with baseless innuendo. She might get mad or something, and then I couldn’t work under her anymore.
If I ever need a lawyer, I’ll be calling Zappo straight away. Zap, do you put “esq.” after your name? “Esquire”, huh. Makes me want to hire a lawyer just so’s I can get my armour polished. It would almost be worth it.
“Remember-your lawyer is your friend!” Mine is my pal.
xizor, I’m afraid I couldn’t make you a Special Friend if you showed me a secret spot of yours. That would seriously creep me out. Settle for “pal”, huh?
Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to take this opportunity to announce: bobkitty is my newest Special Friend. She put up a good fight, clever arguments and showed great determination. I tried to hold her off, but she overcame me. (We won’t go into details. It might just spawn copy-cats. And what cat could ever hope to copy the inimitable bobkitty?)
Her tattoo and thong aside, she is now my Special Friend. (Maybe it was having the thong aside… never mind.)
Many Crows, you, yes you, are my pal. Of course you’re my pal. You don’t think I’d forget my pal Many Crows? Do you? Naw, it could never happen. I thought you’d just understand we were pals and not want to be ostentatious about it. No hard feelings?
Ino, if that was good stuff you posted, you are my pal too. If it wasn’t, you’re a big meanie head. But it sounded nice, so I’ll assume it is. *Ino is nice and my pal.
Angelnside is also my pal. Sorry about the prom, toots. Maybe we can re-schedule. I still have the chickens.
LindyHopper, for leering at my Special Friend bobkitty you can be my pal. But I’m keeping my eye on you.
-Rue.
:big happy sigh:
I’m someone’s Special Friend[sup]tm[/sup].
Mom always said I was special…
What? Whaddid I say?
WOOO HOOOOOOO!!! Go me! Go me! Go me!
::a smattering of polite applause and a few wolf-whistles are heard in the background::
I knew I could get promoted!! It’s all about determination, folks. And not being above begging. Or purring. I didn’t even have to break out the killer black thong… the animal print thong was enough! [sub]Oh, and to be fair, Rue didn’t even really get a chance to hold me off, considering I was sitting… oh. Never mind.[/sub] 
Mmmhmm. I’m da woman!
Oh, and Lindy… thanks. 
If I could find someone willing, I’d take a pic of the tat and email it to ya. Then you could have something to puddle onto.
-BK [sub]who’s gonna go happily revel in her new Rue-status[/sub]
Kewl! I’m an Official Pal™ of Rue DeDay™! Once they come in the mail (wrapped around my white elephant package no doubt), I shall proudly display my Handsome Certificate Suitable For Framing, Official Wallet-Size Membership Card, and Iron-On Membership Patch!
To answer your question, I don’t use “Esquire.” It’s my preference to sneak up on people and then whip out my needle-sharp legal mind when they don’t expect it. I love to watch mere mortals squirm before the blinding glare of my legal reasoning.
Mornin’ Rue. Okay, so it’s not so “mornin’” here in our part of the world anymore, but I have a special mornin’ kind of feeling whenever I read your posts. Makes the Mondays bearable, you know.
Sorry I missed this earlier, not sure how, guess it was the elder Olethling[sup]TM[/sup] sneaking into bed with me early this morning. Darn her cute little hide, I just can’t sleep with a five year old pushing me off the side of the bed.
Anyway, I must have been distracted while I was busy writing that “delete bobkitty from Rue’s posts subroutine”*. Yup, that’ll do it every time.
Just wanted to say that you’re the bestest pal I have in the city where we live yet have never met. Admittedly, it’s a small club. But let’s just blame that on the exclusivity thing, and not get into any morality or legal issues.
Oh and does bobkitty get a Rue’s Special Friend name and decoder ring?
[sup]*Belatedly tosses himself on the grenade, to little or no avail[/sup]
Hi bodypoet, welcome to the Wonderful World of Rue[sup]TM[/sup].
Now that you’ve joined, we are glad to offer you this special introductory offer to help you on your way to becoming one of Rue’s Special Friends. For just three easy installements of $99.95, here’s what you’ll receive:
[li]An Introductory letter, signed by Rue himself[/li][li]A certificate of membership, suitable for framing.[/li][li]An autographed copy of Fix Your Life, the Rue DeDay Way!, volume I.[/li][li]15% Discounts on all other participating merchandise, including membership in the Happy Fun Squad and the SDMB Action Figure series.[/li]
But wait, there’s more:
[li]A Monthly subscription to the newsletter, How to become Rue’s Special Friend[/li][li]Yearly Christmas photos of Soupa and Katcha, the littlest DeDays.[/li]
Just post a link where we can view your tattoos, plus any appropriate/relevant thongage or piercings.
[sup]Disclaimer: See a doctor before joining. Must be 18 or older to qualify. Not valid where prohibited by law (Sorry, Tennessee!) Extra taxes may apply for Canadians. Shipping and handling extra. Some assembly may be required. Cash and Money Orders only. See carton for details.[/sup]
Rue, I am going to the Mid-South Fair tonight. If I buy you some cotton candy or a caramel apple, can I be your special friend? I don’t ride rides. Here, you can have all of my ride tickets, too.
Gee, and here I used one of his pieces for Teemings and was going to use more, and I don’t get to be a pal?
Well, that’s a fine how-dee-doo!
(Actually “Hello, I’m Bob” is a fine how-dee-doo as well.)
(So is “How-dee-doo” now that I think of it.)
Oh, sweet mother of God. I’m actually MENTIONED in a thread by another poster.
Wow, I guess that’s what sending underpants does for ya. Damn those gnomes! Slipping their dander in my white elephant gift…
:: sniff :: I feel so special.
Thanks, Rue.
Ahhh…fishing with dynamite- we call those “Redneck Fish Finders”
http://somethinspeciallodgedecor.safeshopper.com/6/14.htm?734
Great story! Happy Monday!
Zette
YES!!! I’m somebody’s pal!! I even got mentioned FIRST on the list!
This is the happiest day of my…
Wait…
<reads ShibbOleth’s post>
:eek:
I…I…
[sub]nuts.[/sub]
I was, of course, attempting to emphasise the “Must be 18 or older” portion of the statment.
Oh, and add in the sig that my FORMER pal Rue gave me, for extra guilt points:
[sub]Pssst! Jester, I was only trying to scam, er, welcome the new kid. Since I was trying to work up some “artsy” pics I wanted to make sure I wasn’t soliciting a minor. It’s cool, you’re in.[/sub]
Now, I’m not rubbing anyone’s nose in it, but note that I am Rue’s first Special Friend. Now, as such, I don’t expect much fawning and adulation from the rest of you, tho goodness knows, I am worthy - just ask Rue… No, don’t make a fuss. But I must warn you that I won’t take kindly to interlopers trying to bump me from first Special Friend status. You may flash and flirt and grovel to no avail - Rue and I have a special bond. No, not like bondage. I mean, there’s a special something between the two of us. Rumors that I’m paying him for his friendship are yet to be proven. No really. He likes me. He really likes me. Just so you know.
::deb walks in, misses her name on list::
Not a petty person I am, nope not me. I who have submitted and gotten not one, but two of your threads in “threadspotting”. <sob> I who was one of the first to join the “Rue Fan Club”. <wah>. Gosh not even an honorable mention would it have been too much to throw a crumb at an humble poster. No I am not petty, but I think I will go to the garden to eat worms now.
::deb exits, erasing Rue’s name from Christmas card list::
::deepbluesea pokes her head around the thread door::
::scans OP::
::heaves really-irked-but-struggling-to-be-patient sigh::
Look, Rue, we’ve been over this before, but, fine, we’ll go over it again. Read closely now, OK?
I am not your pal.
I am not your buddy.
I am sure as hell not your “special friend,” and don’t think we don’t all know exactly what you mean by that, not to mention exactly what happened to your last few special friends.
Got that? Not Rue’s Pal. Repeat after me: deepbluesea is Not Rue’s Pal.
Now, on to the challenging part. You may want to take notes or something.
Although I am not your pal, I do have a function in your life. I am here to torture you over minor mistakes of spelling and grammar that anyone might make. I am here to draw attention to your weaknesses. I am here to zero in on unintentional humor, double entendres, and shaded meanings in your posts. I am here to harrass you, bother you, and tell everyone about the contents of your “underwear” drawer and other things you’d prefer to keep to yourself. (Except your wife, of course; even I wouldn’t stoop to telling a wife about, just as an example, the jelly episode in Tampa last Wednesday.)
In short, I am your personal demon. Everyone has one, and I am yours. (And what a totally pathetic assignment, may I add; never miss a Personal Demon Planning Meeting, I’m telling you.) I am your fount of torment. I intend to haunt your dreams like the specter of an alarm clock about to sound.
And, as for the “haven’t seen deep in a while…” remark, I have only two things to say.
-
How much time do you think I have to waste on being seen by the likes of you? I have to edit your posts! Uncover your personal secrets! Write up press releases containing wild and yet profoundly truthful accusations! I do not have time to entertain you every time you’re bored!
-
Rue, have you ever seen, or for that matter been, deep? Really. Think about it.
Torture session ends. That’s all yer gettin’ today, bucky, even if you start TEN threads and mention my name in all of 'em.
Oh. And tomorrow I won’t be here, so I’m having the lobster sub in for me. You’ll like that, I know.
Hi, didya miss me? I mean I was like gone for hours. Some of these pesky threads need more finessing than others. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Grilled chicken and honey carrots. That’s so’s you know what I was doing with my valuable thyme. Time. No thyme on the chicken. Chook. Whatever. No parsley or sage neither. Rosemary was here, but she left in a Huff. The Huffmobile 9000. Sweet ride.
Not as sweet as cotton candy, Sophie. Or thy sweet self, neither. (I pronounce it “nyther” of course. Tonight anyway.) And of course you can be my special friend. Pretty near anyone can be my special friend. Half the Dopers have a leg up on the other half. Anyone who has a leg up on me is so in. (All my Special Friends have really good bio’s in their profile. Did you notice that? All I’m saying. Oh, and good use of the “caps” key. Or “shift”. Whatever.)
Or as sweet as cotton underpants, but as I’ve retired from Gnoming, we won’t get into that. Although for the record, even as we speak (which is an awkward metaphore, because I’m typing, and you’re reading. Unless your computer talks. Then use the “Steven Hawking” voice for best results.) I am in them. Or not. How would you know?
Euty, abso-derned-tootin’-lutly yer my pal. But being a Mod first (with those boss flair pants and leather shirts), I thought it would be presumptuous of me. I wouldn’t want to be accused of being presumptuous. I could stand to be accused of being sumptuous, but that comes later.
Scout-a-roni, if what you did got you a mention, just think what you could have done, but didn’t, would have gotten you. Not that I’m saying you have to do anything. Because you don’t. You’re already a Special Friend. That’s about as high as I go. Or eight stories, if it’s a fire tower. I wouldn’t want to go any higher than eight stories. That would be scary.
Zette, Happy Monday, right back at ya. Heck, it doesn’t cost me anything… Have a merry week, my “Z” pal.
Jester, did you notice those were Shibb’s disclaimers? Huh, didya? As in “Not Mine”? And what does that tell you? Hmmm?
That’s right! Yer my full blown, completely fledged pal! Yes-siree-Bob.
And if the Canadian Dopers do something about Celine Dion, I’ll wave all charges and taxes for any Rue related function or service. Special services for special Dopers. There you go.
If the Australian Dopers do something about Yahoo Serious, you get some special consideration too.
Shibb, if you want to put the moves on anyone, start your own thread. Or not, your stuff was kinda funny. Ha-ha funny not “Smell this will ya?” funny.
You know how when you get all sweaty with someone for some reason and then you kinda lay all in a pile and the sweat dries and the two of you are kinda stuck together? The after sweat sticky bond? What Snickers and I have is nothing like that. As far as you know anyway.
Deb, two threads? Man, I gotta check out Threadspotting more. Tuesdays and Thursdays I go Home to keep abreast of all human knowlege. Wow, two. Look out Scylla(who kinda intimidates me) and Fenris(Dad), here I come. (My Threadspotting count is getting bigger. That’s what “here I come” means.)
How many other Dopers can say they were the main character in an Uncle Rue story? Huh? How many? Well, you can. What does that tell you?
Yeah, we’re pals. Sure we are.
Yer pal of pals,
-Rue.