Bearded lady stealn' my crossword puzzles

I just got back from the pub not long ago and have to tell someone about this, so here you go.

Everyonce and awhile I go to the pub on Sundays. One pub I go to has a group of fiddlers on sunday that get together in one part of the pub and play. I enjoy just sitting their listening to the music, have a snack, and a guinness while I read something.

While I was eating, this short stout elderly lady with whiskers and rosey cheeks, who was part of the fiddling group. Came up to my table while I was eating, and reading the paper.

She lifts the corner of my paper " Is this the By-town ?"
“No it’s the Sun”
“I’m looking for crosswords, the Sun has crosswords doesn’t it ?” While starting to paw at the other page of the paper.
“likely” I responded, " I have no idea" as I ate.
“Are you going to do the crosswords ?”
“Do you think I could have them ?”

This is where I gave her you got to be fucking me look for a couple of seconds before I responded. She smiled revealing what stood out was a brownish tooth that resemble more of a kidney bean than anything else.

“When I’m done you can have the paper”
“Well the pub buys the newspapers here, so do you think you can just give it to me ?”
“They didn’t buy this one, I did”
“Are you sure ?”
"Are you calling me a liar "
“No, no need to be rude”

At this point I became more amused than upset and said " Is there a hidden camera some where because your insane" while I laughed and dug out the crossword section
and handed it to her.

“Your so kind, thank you”

“What ever Betty” I mumble to myself, still laughing.

She really needed that crossword puzzle, I guess.

Was her name “Oona”?

Dude, she was totally hitting on you.

Too right.

Those teeth come out, and you’ve never lived 'til you’ve had a gumjob with stubble scratching your balls.:o