Been wounded in the War on Ignorance? Get your purple heart here

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Yeah, I know you’ve got 'em, so let’s see those scars and stitches. You’ve been on the front lines, here and elsewhere. You’ve taken a lot of shrapnel. You earned your medal, just step up and show us why.

Here, see this scar over my left eye? Got that one exlpaining one too many times that evolution is not an atheist consiracy to prove there is no God. Nasty big brick wall, that one was. The limp? Yeah, I tripped while trying to escape the circular logic of someone who claims the lack of hard evidence for alien visitors proves that the government is covering it all up.

Come on up, soldier, let’s hear your war stories.

2

Lookie here. See that? That’s from the time I tried to explain the odds of winning the California lottery to my mom. It still hurts when it rains.

3

I’m a teacher. Enough said.

The war on ignorance against the young folk is one thing, but it’s their parents that have left the most ghastly marks.

Purple heart?! FEH! Bring on the Silver Star, m’boy.

4

I got scars so deep my scars have scars.

5

See this one here? Got that after the umpteenth time I gently suggested to my mother-in-law that she check out Snopes before forwarding the latest e-mail with lots of capitals and exclamation points to everyone on her list, whereupon I was informed that “she had had enough of my superior and patronizing attitude”.

Sigh.

6

(Please note that this anecdote is not intended to attack those who are religious; I am now a practicing Catholic. The point is not not the religion, it’s the incredible obtuseness. I don’t really feel that I ought to have to point that out, but one never knows.)

I was fourteen. Just moved to a new school, and I was being mocked on the school bus by my peers. I had shocked them by telling them that I didn’t believe in God, mostly out of teen cussedness, but partly because I was having serious religious doubts.

So anyway, one kid on the bus holds up his wristwatch and demanded, “You don’t believe in GOD? Who made this watch then?”

I said, “God didn’t make that watch. Men made that watch.”

“And God made men,” he responded triumphantly, and the entire busload of kids burst out laughing at the unanswerable brilliance of this argument.

My head nearly exploded due to a combination of disbelief, contempt, and fury.

Okay, they were snotty adolescents, as was I. I forgive them. I still deserve a medal.

7

I got mine in a. . . a. . .it’s difficult to talk about–give me a minute, I can do , I know I can. It’s good to talk about it with those who can understand. It was a fast food resturant. First I had to explain that all they needed to do to get me a bacon burger was to leave the cheese off the bacon cheeseburger, I’d pay for the bacon cheese burger. But no luck, a bacon burger wasn’t on the menu, so they couldn’t make one. So I settled for a hambuger. But I wanted a soda. I don’t know what possessed me, a simple desire to have liquid to help swallow the burger, or just some masochistic urge, I swear I don’t remember what I was thinking. I ordered a small coke. The girl behind the counter said that they didn’t have small–just medium, large and great biggie. I tried to explain comparatives, that the medium was really the small, compared to the others, and that you could only have a medium if you had something smaller and something larger. Oh, the humanity!! It was a nightmare, complete lack of comprehansion. Complete lack of the desire for comprehension. I’ve developed a twitch triggered by the mere sound of that resturant’s name.

And then, just when I was beginning to recover–my favorite pizza parlor did away with their small pizzas. BUT THEY STILL HAVE A MEDIUM. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you, a conspiracy to drive us all mad.

I need to lie down.

8

Always amazed at the number of people who don’t know that there are 50 States. The usual wrong answer is 52. Anyway, in one of my classes someone gave the answer as 52 (we were talking about the different legal systems). “There are 50 states!,” I pipe in. “In your opinion,” was the reply. Sheesh.

9

I feel your pain! I was in some fast-food joint at one point and tried to order a medium Coke. “We don’t have medium, we have small, large, and super size.” I couldn’t take it (I get quite irritable when I’m hungry). I said, “No, you have small, medium, and large, but with different names.” Later I felt a little guilty for being so overtly rude to some 17-year-old girl in a paper hat, but dammit…

10

I took a frag round in the shoulder the other day . . .

I tried to explain to a fellah that 3.1% every 12 months is nothing compared to a 7.2% rate every six months. We were talking about bonds, and I could not get through to the guy that you earn more faster with the 7.2 than the 3.1 . . . I even did math . . .

It sucks to be smart around dumbasses . . .
Tripler
One twig short of a tree. . .

11

Got this one by opining to my son that doctors should be paid more than athletes.

His response: Why don’t the doctors just become athletes?

Ouch.

12

My virtual wounds go back to '92 or '93 on alt.folklore.urban where I got blasted for posting a contrary opinion to some guy named Ewan (it was only mildly gratifying that he was subsequently smacked by a couple of other long-timers for his attack). Don’t remember what it was about, but it obviously scarred me.

I, unfortunately, have a self-destructive drive to offer advice or correction to people around me. So, I’m much bruised and dented, 'though luckily not literally, thus far. I suspect that many people who hang out at SDMB are of a similar bent… probably one of the qualities that attracted us to SD in the first place.

Or am I totally out to lunch?

13

This one here? It’s just a flesh wound, but I got it yesterday suggesting to a co-worker (for the 100th time) that, yes, perhaps that book/article/idea is stupid and bias, but maybe he should read it and find out instead of assuming it is because of where it’s published (in this case the New York Times.)

14

Sure I’m green. Don’t always consider the power of the enemy. But I was gravely injured here at the SDMB, where I though I was on friendly turf. Attacked with a viciousness and bloodlust seldom seen in this peaceable kingdom, I lay looking up at my foe, dazed, wondering if the position of his head affected its function, but preparing myself for the end.

Thankfully, this story has a happy ending. The reinforcements arrived, the fiend was driven from our land. And we all knocked back a tall, cold bottle of airless fruit juice.

15

:::lifts shirt, exposes battle-scarred back:::

Got these trying to convince people that there’s no snakes in the ball pits at Burger King. A hostile group of Concerned Mothers went crazy on me when I told them it wasn’t true. Jumped me and started beating me with their diaper bags.

:::turns around and exposes 6-inch scar on belly:::

Got this in another attempt to eradicate some ignorance about the ball pits. Some ladies at work took it upon themselves to start a fund for the family of a little boy that died in Houston due to being poked with a heroin needle in a ball bit. Trying to convince them that that story just wasn’t true, and they’d be better off spending the money on a Crusade to Get the AIDS-Infected Needles Out Of The Payphone Coin Slots was futile. They jumped me and slashed me with their credit cards.

16

Hear this? ::clank-clank::

That’s the metal plate they had to put in my head from my beating it against the “2000” Millennium thing.

17

Ooooh, TroubleAgain, sorry to hear about the plate. All I have is this here scar from trying to convince my uncle that YES, ducks’ quacks echo, dammit!

He also believes that the kings on a deck of cards represent something stupid. DESPITE having sent Cecil and Snopes links to him.

::notes that she’ll see said uncle again tomorrow::

::refrains herself from pounding head against desk again::

18

Ohhh, painful memories.

Just recently, I stumbled upon a message board frequented by many people from my high school. In terms of ignorance, grammar, and overall attitude, it’s the anti-Straight-Dope (I still go there just to make myself feel smart, though…I’m sure I’m not the only one who does things like that.) My most prominent ignorance-fighting scar came when some person named Jason (I know at least 2 people named Jason, it could be anybody) posted a very classic Urban Legend, which I will try to recite from memory:

so my cousin {forgot the name} was on a plane, right, and then the hydraulics went out and the plane started to drop. so everybody on the plane starts masturbating because you know its their last moment and they want to do something worthwhile. at the last second the plane rights itself and everybody puts their tools or whatever away and nobody mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.

To which I replied jokingly “If nobody told anybody, how is it that you told all of us? ;)” I’ve still got scars from the ambush. They talked like I was some kind of moron for even bringing it up. Among the replies were “he told everyone cause its funny dam it” followed by “he get it, why cant you?” (Get what? Grammar?)

I still think it’s funny that he used the word “hydraulics.” Sorry, pal, airplanes don’t work on hydraulics. No, not even prop planes. And all modern passenger airplanes are designed so that if one engine goes out, it can still successfully fly. Why didn’t the pilot make an emergency landing? Even if all the engines went out, you could still usually coast in safely. And if the plane was going down, why wouldn’t the passengers bail out, and use their seat cushion as a floatation device? Were they over land, or water? Where was the plane going to/coming from? Was this “cousin” a real person?

I was going to have a little bet “Jason” that he couldn’t give me the destination of the flight, flight number, and proof that his “cousin” was on the flight (and an airplane dropping out of the air doesn’t go unnoticed…they measure all the coordinates in the black box, and something like that would probably make national news.) It was going to be a $500 bet, where if he won (which would not happen), I’d pay him $500 (a lot of money for me, a sophomore in high school) but if he won, he didn’t owe me anything except my dignity. I was totally confident that I would win.

Unfortunately, the thread got deleted before anything could happen. On that message board, LOTS of threads got deleted. You could tell because the threads were numbered and it skipped a number for deleted threads. You could see it go “2910” and then “2920” right after it. I’m shocked and appalled that high school kids can be that moronic. Ugh.

I know there are more stories, but I can’t/don’t want to remember them.

19

Oh yeah…see this scar across my tongue? I had to bite it, hard, when another customer came into the local toy store where I was shopping to present to one of the salespersons a large bag of soda can tabs she had been diligently saving.

20

See these cuts on my forehead? Got 'em yesterday. From banging my head against the wall. Repeatedly.

Why? Gather around while I relate my harrowing tale…

It all started out so well. I was sitting in the school beer garden BS’ing with a friend about genetic testing or some such what not, when our conversation was interrupted by a guy on the couch (GOTC for short) next to us. Now, here I sit expecting an intelligent addition to our conversation, and at first, I was not disappointed. Alas, that feeling did not last long.

The conversation went from using genetic modifications to cure disease to suddenly the how the US Military (USM for short) is playing god and creating genetic “supermen”. Now, I happen to be Canadian, so I’m not up to date with the latest USM projects, but this seems pretty unlikely. I really didn’t want to say much of anything lest I be drug (dragged?) into a debate concerning the USM and ethics, or lack there of. I’m not a big fan of conspiracy theories, and I feel the US is not the big bad wolf it is so often made out to be. Others believe different, as is their right. The problem is though nobody is readily interested in changing opinions so debates of this type tend to be frustrating to say the least. Now, I was ready to move on to a new subject, but what was to follow would shake my faith in the intelligence of my fellow classmates and humanity in general.

It seems as if GOTC picked up on my hesitancy to address this debate and felt the best way to start it would be to provide an example on how bad they (the USM) can really be. His claim was that the USM had successfully fertilized a dolphin egg with human sperm. Not only that, but had the dolphin carry this hybrid until the 4th trimester (dolphins are pregnant for about 12 months), until it was decided that the fetus should be aborted.

I was awestruck to say the least. I happen to be a Biology major, so this was hitting close to what I know, and I know that this was utter BS. Now there are some basic similarities between human and dolphin DNA (according to this article about some research taking place at Texas A&M, but what he said was a little much to be believed (for starters humans have 46 chromosomes, while dolphins have 44) and I called him on it. I asked where he had read it from and was told first in some journal, like Bioscience. He then back tracked a little and said that it was from an article handed out by the Prof. in his forestry class. I then asked what a Prof. in a forestry class is doing handing out articles concerning human/dolphin hybrids. The answer was along the lines of the Prof. having to teach the class biology (funny, I always thought that was what first year biology was for, which is a required class for a forestry student). Needless to say, the conversation pretty much dried up at that point.

Sigh…

Why do I always wind up talking to these types of people? Just once I would like to have a debate about a serious subject without things like UFO’s, God, the Bible or Conspiracy Theories being used as explanations (note when I refer to God and the Bible, I mean in such arguements as creation/evolution, not “does God exist?” type debates).