Belief in Santa

In My Humble Opinion
41

If I may hijack my own thread…

On the other board a few people have posted “you must believe to recieve.” To me this seems like a great recipe for teaching your kids hypocracy and to pay lip service to ideas they don’t really believe in in order to receive reward or avoid punishment.

Our kids have stopped believing, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t have gifts from “Santa” under the tree. I’m not going to punish them for their ability to critically think or their trust in us to ask us to confirm what they suspect.

42

I don’t label my son’s gifts from Santa anymore (well, I think we’ll start again this year with a toddler in the house), but he doesn’t get any less. I always just bought what I was going to buy, and put “With love from Mom and Dad” on some, but not all. I still buy the same amount, they just all have the Mom and Dad tag now.

In our family, the large hard-to-wrap gifts are from Santa, and go under the tree unwrapped. My grandparents were brilliant like that. Who the heck wants to try and wrap a bike, quietly, on Christmas Eve? Better it be out and shiny on Christmas morning, anyway!

But, as a kid, I didn’t know exactly how it worked. Did Mom buy extra stuff to stick a “From Santa” label on it? Did I want to chance it? I decided to play along for a year or two, just in case.

43

My son, Dweezil, is 12, and claims to still believe.

Then again, he is mildly autistic. So I’d guess he qualifies as “a little strange” :slight_smile: My more-severely-autistic nephew, who is about to turn 16, still believes as well. An informal poll of parents of kids Dweezil’s age shows a correlation between belief, and kids with issues.

My son still avows that he will ask Santa for some not-approved gift (this year, a Wii; a couple of years back he wanted a hundred dollar bill); he hasn’t quite figured out that Santa gets parental approval before making any deliveries :wink:

44

At my house, “Santa” comes and fills stockings for everyone–regardless of age. (Grandparents have had some interesting “stockings”–since they didn’t come prepared for Santa’s visit–I remember an excersize bike with a red ribbon “nose” and two wool socks ver the ends of the handlebars.) Everyone gets an orange, a pair of socks, soap, etc. And usually a couple of small presents from Santa. Santa also often gives jigsaw puzzles–which since my brother and I passed the age of 20 or so, we got to help pick out sometimes.

Now, having said that, there are few to no pictures of my brother and I with Santa, because we would never get closer to Santa than the absolute maximum distance from which we could stretch our little arms and grab the candy cane. (Even when it was Santa at church and we knew the guy in the suit!)

And this year there will be small children around to open presents.

I don’t really remember ever believing in Santa, but I presumably did.

My brother believed longer than I did (he is two years younger). The big reason he believed as long as he did is because the year he put his “test letter” out, Santa gave him what he wanted–it was something that had already been purchased with the intent of being given to him, it just wasn’t something he’d actually asked for in advance of Christmas Eve. Still, I don’t know that that greatly extended his actual belief-- just extended that period of time of not quite sure.

Certainly, 11 seems old enough that I would be hoping for a willing suspension of disbelief, as opposed to boasting that my child still believed in Santa.

45

Yeah, if I had to guess, I’d wager that most kids over the age of 10 or so are just pretending to believe.
However, I can understand why the mom on the other board likes that her kid still supposedly believes. I’d expect that for some parents, it’s sad to see their kids moving away from innoncent childhood fun stuff like Santa and “growing up”. In fact, that’s the main reason I pretended to believe for a few years after I had figured it out: I thought my parents would be sad if they knew that I knew!

46

Are you me? That’s me to a T. I knew deep down that Santa wasn’t real by that age, but I really desperately wanted to believe he really did.

47

I’m definitely a ‘believe to receive’ type - but my kids are teens. It’s been a running joke for years (we’re still waiting for the first 360 degree eye roll). I especially like to trot it out when their friends are around. One of the great joys of parenthood - embarassing your children. All parents do it (and don’t kid yourselves into thinking you aren’t embarassing to your kids - you are). Here, we do it, we acknowledge it, and we all have fun with it.

48

Amen to that! My middle daughter is always saying “Mooooommmm!” when I do something that embarrasses her. I tell her “Look, the older you get, the harder it gets to have fun; so you have to take you fun where you can find it, and this is fun for me!” :smiley:

Yep, I’m evil.

49

Yes, but its an eye rolling type of belief. “You have to play the game.” I’m not getting that feeling from all the Mommy’s posting over there that they are saying “hey, you have to pay lip service to the guy in the red suit for him to show up.” (or didn’t you say upthread - don’t dis the Santa?) Some of them are, and some of them are saying you need to believe in the “spirit of Christmas” - even if you are aware of the logistics of Santa shopping at Target using Mom’s Visa. But some of them are saying Santa stops coming if you stop believing in him - they are going to (or have) cut their kids off at 8 or 10 or 12 when they no longer believe in the physical Santa. Santa only comes for kids little enough to believe.

I get the first. The second seems meanspirited.

50

I stopped believing in santa in third grade I think…I can’t remember exactly, but that seems about right. I am 24 now, and I still get gifts from santa. I don’t live with my parents anymore but santa still drops off gifts there for me to open every Christmas morning. My little brother is 6 years younger than me so they had to do santa stuff for 13 or 14 years, so I guess it kind of stuck as the thing to do at christmas and it is still going strong.

51

If I ever did believe, I stopped believing when I was five and started Bible school. The older kids put on a very elaborate Nativity pageant, and to me, the Wise Men bringing presents to Baby Jesus when his family had nothing trumped “the one about the flying reindeer,” as Sally Brown calls it.

And another thing that kept me Santa-proof as I got older was the preponderance of Xmas-themed books and TV shows that had parents stressing about giving their kids a good Christmas, because they couldn’t risk letting it slip that there Was No Santa. The fact that the Real, True, Honest-to-Og Santa always showed up at the last minute somehow whooshed me. There was no Santa, and it was up to people to make Christmas a holiday.

Anyway, I don’t know how a kid can believe after he’s school age or thereabouts. The Santa at the mall is different from the Santa on TV is different from the Santa at the school Christmas party! Unless his parents spin it somehow that Santa has representatives all around the world…

Also, Boss once told me this story about when he was in Bible school:

Other Kid: Didn’t the Wise Men bring anything for Mary and Joseph?

Church Lady: No; it wasn’t their birthday.

Other Kid: But it was Christmas!

Church Lady: It wasn’t a holiday the first time it happened.

Boss: Well, they could have brought them some food! And hay for their donkeys!

Other kids: Yeah! – And maybe get them a room at the inn this time! – And a blanket! – What good are gold, frankincense and myrrh anyway? – What is myrrh? – I think it’s perfume. – No, frankincense is perfume.

Church Lady: TIME FOR COOKIES!

52

I do think it’s strange to be proud of an 11-year-old who still believes. I’d throw my bet in with others who think the kid is just humoring Mom, though.

I found out when I was 5 – the neighbor kids told me. Of course, Santa still came to our house. Santa in our case was Mom, so once I knew the truth we were free to leave Drambuie out for Santa instead of milk.

53

I just read your entire thread seeing if anyone else had the same sinking feeling that I got from your post. Apparently not. The innocence of a child is something to encourage as long as possible. Reality with punch them in the teeth soon enough. If my children want to believe in Santa until they die, more power to them. Will I encourage it? Yes ma’am. My son believed until he was at least 11 and when he point blank asked me at that age, he was very disappointed by my answer which was this. “No, honey, there isn’t a fat guy who comes down our chimney once a year but there is a spirit of santa and that is the magic and excitement that you feel around the holidays”. He was certainly not a “special needs” child nor were his classmates of a very exclusive private school. If they knew, they didn’t say anything because they were probably told not to. My daughter is 7, she still believes with all her heart as do most of her classmates. I will hate when she doesn’t anymore and will give her a similar speech as I did my son. I am certain she won’t believe forever but if I had my way, she’d believe until she was out of grammer school.
The other side of the coin is, why are we so proud of children giving up their imagination and innocence for the truth?

54

Because my kids have plenty of imagination (its a part of those critical thinking skills), and I don’t define innocence as “belief in magic.”

55

Then why tell kids there’s a Santa in the first place?

I’m not criticizing you at all and have thought the same thing that you did. But if you think about it, it could seem sort of cruel to basically tell your kid a lie then secretly criticize kids for not figuring it out sooner than they do.

All kids figure it out give or take a couple years. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a child that believes longer than someone else’s child, or that they’re somehow superior if they figure it out. There is a pay off to believing. They sky’s the limit in asking for gifts if you believe in Santa. And Christmas is more fun when they believe.

56

My oldest son is 9, and he says he believes. He may suspect, but I’m certainly not about to push it. He’s a ‘young’ nine, and I’m not going to ruin anything for him. Of course, my youngest is 4, and the two are inseperable after school and before dinner. There is no concept of ‘secrets’ between them…they are very innocent kids. Does anyone really think I should spoil my 4 year old’s innocence about Santa and Christmas just because my eldest has reached the ‘No Santa’ draft age?

57

No, let him have this year, but sometime during 2007, take him aside and make him your co-conspirator. Enlist him in keeping the great adult secret about Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. My daughter already knew, but I think she enjoyed being taking into the confidence a few weeks ago as much as she enjoyed believing in Santa. She seems to be taking this as a mark of responsibility and growing up.
hijack: Count Blucher, I really hope you make the next Dopefest at my house with your whole family. The kids will probably have a good time playing together. My daughter is 9 and my son is 6.

Jim

58

There is also a downside to believing. Santa is magic and can do anything - why didn’t he bring me my pony. As to more fun, we’ll see. This will be our first year of not believing. But my daughter just lost her first “non-tooth-fairy tooth” and she didn’t let the lack of belief stop her from thinking the whole thing was the cat’s pajamas. (She still got a gold dollar for the tooth under her pillow). This came to a head at Easter with my son figuring out the Easter Bunny thing and I don’t recall it casting a pallor on the celebrations (though it did make finding the last eggs a lot easier).

The age of non-belief has lowered since I was a kid. I don’t think it was unusual when I was a kid to still believe at 10 or 11.

59

Who’s proud? I don’t get where you’re reading that at all. The OP asked what was normal, or average, and got lots of different answers.

I do think it’s odd to be proud that your kid believes…well, anything, really. I’m not proud my kid no longer believes; that has nothing to do with him being exceptionally bright or not. It’s not a matter of “pride” either way. :confused:

Just from what I know of kids I know, 11 is much older than the norm, and I don’t get why anyone would be proud of it - again, proud either way. This isn’t an accomplishment we’re talking about here.

I gave almost the same answer you did to my kid, and it’s what my mother told me: Santa isn’t a person, but he’s the personification of The Christmas Spirit. Something funny sure happens this time of year to make generally selfish and mean people decide to give one another gifts and spend time together and smile and laugh more. I don’t think it’s too far out to call it “magic”. (Or perhaps: “bourbon”. :smiley: )

I never addressed actual questions with lies, but I found the best way to get around it is to ask the kid what he thinks. If he still “needs” to believe, then he’ll find a reassuring explanation. If he’s ready to let go, he’ll answer differently. When WhyKid was 4 and wondered about all the mall Santas, he told me they were “Santa’s helpers” or “Deputy Santas”, because the real Santa was so busy this time of year. When he got older, he told me they were nice people working to make kids and their parents happy and bring Christmas Spirit and Cheer. Both times, I told him they were interesting ideas and I thought he was very observant. No lying, but it let him hold onto the story as long as it served him.

60

It was a little sad when my son stopped believing I’ll admit, especially since I only had one.
Oh well. They really are the fun years. But it sure does make it easier when they don’t.

The tooth fairy - I wonder if any kid ever really believes or they just humor us big time on that one. Even for a little kid, that’s pretty hard to swallow.

I think I was like Count Blucher’s son, I hung on because of my younger sister. Sometimes the handwriting is on the wall, like Santa uses the same wrapping paper as your mother, or the ToysRUs stickers that don’t come off all the way.