Bell Curve Extremes

This imagination exercise involves listing someone or something at the extreme end or beginning of a bell curve.

Some examples:

Somewhere, right now, is the happiest person on the planet.

Somewhere is the current most constipated person (poor guy/gal).

In the history of time, there is or was a turtle that has had more fun than any other turtle ever, so far.

Somewhere is the world’s present-day, dirtiest shoe.

Feel free to list more than one!

There is someone who is least likely to take over a small country.


There is currently a romantically involved couple with the largest height differential.

Right now, there is a person who is the furthest underground.

Somebody, in the history of baking, has made the worst chocolate chip cookies ever made.

At this time, somebody has the most paper cuts.

He also stars in a As- Seen-on-TV product commercial.
“Do you have trouble handling single sheets of paper without leaving pools of blood everywhere?”
“Is loading your printer followed by a trip to the ER?”
film of someone doing a Dan Akroyd imitation
“Then you need the Sheeter, the revolutionary product that makes paper handling and doctor visits a thing of the past.”

I’m not convinced this one will be a bell curve. Surely the huge majority will just be at ground level. Or if you are defining “underground” as “below sea level”, there will be many more people above sea level than below, and it won’t look like a bell. Even if you include people in aircraft, I still wouldn’t call it a bell - too tall and narrow. Or am I missing something?

Somewhere fuming, is the most pedantic person on the planet.

On some forum, is the thread that sunk the fastest ever.

Sorry - didn’t mean to ruin the game! Appreciate the humour.

Continuing: of the group who has ever set foot in a Mcdonalds, someone will have spent the longest time eating in there.

When the constipated person takes a shit they will then be the happiest person on the planet. One person, two curves.

Out of all the distributions that can be measured, there is the one that most closely approximates a Gaussian.

Some cow, probably near the North Cape of Norway, is the northernmost cow on the planet. Some other cow, probably on the Falkland Islands, is the southernmost.

Those two animals are blissfully unaware of their distinction, and will eventually wander in the wrong direction and give up their title to some other cow, without a fight.

Being a “bell” doesn’t require being normalized, or even a Gaussian bell. In the “distance above/below ground” case, n is large enough to produce a Gaussian, but there are other bell-shaped distributions (the most frequently-used one is Student’s t).

Somewhere there is a youngest person on Earth. Somewhere there is an oldest person on Earth. The first one bounces around a lot!

And for a moment in time, that person was me! I wonder how long I held the honor. I guess I’ll never know. :frowning:

I don’t think that one has a tail on the least end. I imagine a lot of us pile up there, making it more like half a bell curve. You just can’t get lower than completely unlikely.

Oh, ouch.
How does that compare with the chart of people eating the worst chocolate chip cookies ever made?

Oh, I hope not. I want the happiest person to be much happier than that.* What I want to know is if you chart happiness, are the people at both of the far ends, happiest and unhappiest, equally likely to be about to die?

  • TMI - my mother, in 1955. suffered from something that the doctor who made the house call called ‘bride’s constipation’. He gave her a peroxide enema, after which she stated that “things were explosive at both ends.” So she was relieved, but not particularly happy.

I’ve also heard rumors about folks being impacted enough to require surgery. I will not go googling for confirmation, so it may be an urban legend. But I’d imagine that the post surgery happy isn’t the happiest that a person can be.

Thanks, ignorance fought.

Someone, somewhere who has studied mathematics to college level has the least knowledge of statistical analysis. And I think I am a contender!

Someone is the best singer in the world. Chances are, they are not even famous.
Somewhere on the road is the oldest still-operational car in existence.
Someone has smoked the most cigarettes of any person on the planet. They’re probably smoking right now.

Several years ago, George Carlin postulated that somewhere on earth is the world’s worst doctor… and someone’s got an appointment to see him TOMORROW!

Somebody holds the title of world’s hairiest back.

There’s somebody who has spent the most money on homeopathic medicine

The smelliest dog is out there somewhere. As is the dumbest.

Somebody is the most different from me

It’s called megacolon. And yes, it’s as bad as it sounds.

Isn’t he the leader of the Decepticolons?