The year is now 2009. With Beyoncé’s carry-over excluded due to winning the 2008 poll, we have 12 songs to vote on this year, which included the single longest continuous #1 run by one act in the history of the chart.
Finally…after so many years of despair (most of the 1970s, 1990s, and 2000s), 2009 is the year that music achieved perfection. This is the dawn of the Kesha Era. “Right Round” earns the first-ever perfect score in the world-famous Ponch8 Music Rating System and crushes all other songs on this list.
In the Second-Place-is-the-First-Loser Consolation Prize for Best Non-Kesha Song, “Empire State of Mind” edges “Just Dance” and “Down.” Somehow Eminem just didn’t have it this year. * Relapse* was his worst album.
“My Life Would Suck Without You,” produced by abuser/rapist Dr. Luke, gets an AUTOMATIC ZERO score and finishes dead-ass last, like all Dr. Luke songs that don’t feature Kesha. Fuck Dr. Luke.
IMO, this was not a good year for pop. A few of these I don’t even recognize. The Black Eyed Peas’ songs just annoy me (how they topped the chart for 26 weeks eludes me). Flo Rida’s “interpretation” of You Spin Me Round does the original disservice. Britney Spears singing about being DPed is awkward and gross. “Fireflies” is listenable but not that great. Kelly Clarkson’s song is tolerable power pop along the lines of what we’ve come to expect from songwriter Max Martin. Jason Derulo misuses the Imogen Heap sample in a big way, but at least the lyrics work in that you really do pity/feel sorry for the guy. There’s something ironic about the fact that this, his breakout hit, is about him being sorry for being unfaithful and pledging to do everything for his girl once he becomes a star - and now that he is, he’s putting out stuffy old songs about the buttocks and bragging about how much ass he gets on the road.
I went with Poker Face - it’s a good song, not as good as some songs of hers that didn’t make #1 (“The Edge of Glory” and “You And I” come to mind), but it shows what she’s capable of and the Boney M sample is catchy as hell.
A brief note on The Artist Formerly Known As Ke$ha, just in the event that anybody brings it up - the young lady’s real name is Kesha Rose Sebert, and she was known as such early in her career. She adopted the dollar-sign spelling in 2006 and used it until March of this year, when she revered to her birth name. Since the dollar-sign spelling was in use during the time that all her #1s to date charted, I will use this spelling up until the 2014 poll, and in the event that she charts any more #1s in the future I will use the original spelling unless she chooses to change it to something even weirder at some point. (I’m just glad Prince didn’t have any #1s in the mid-'90s so I didn’t have to figure out how to deal with his name at the time.)
Different strokes for different folks, but while I went with Ms.Spears, I easily would have went with Lady Gaga. Never cared for the Jay Z and Alicia Keys collab. Granted Gaga has better songs and these two entries have aged barely six years later.
But still it was Lady Gaga’s year.
Oof… as with other posters, for me this one came down to Empire State of Mind v. Poker Face but then got stuck there, it’s tough to decree superiority here. Gaga burst onto the scene just huge in late 08-early 09, was very fresh; while Jay-Z/Alicia were already proven top rankers and showed it. Either without the other would have been an absurd runaway. I ended up going for “Empire” but I’ll be quite happy if “Poker Face” makes it instead.
Meanwhile, the BEPs can just go Boom Boom Pow themselves. That they stayed at #1 half the year is… confusing? disheartening? And as Og is my witness, I had no idea “3” had made it even close to #1, much less *opened *at #1 (though only for the one week); it barely registered for me in that year. I mean, I dig the notion of a Britney sandwich as much as the next guy or girl (and I should if we’re to work together as a team ) but this? I’m a bit surprised to read now that it actually got very good critical reaction at the time.
I would like to announce “My Life Would Suck Without You” as the winner of the Stupidest Song Title Contest. It has beaten out every single other song in any of these polls over the last 60 years for this…honorable…title.
“Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter”, “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)”, “Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin’)”, and “Medley: Intro Venus / Sugar Sugar / No Reply / I’ll Be Back / Drive My Car / Do You Want to Know a Secret / We Can Work It Out / I Should Have Known Better / Nowhere Man / You’re Going to Lose That Girl / Stars on 45” would like to have a word with you.