Best and worst rhymes in songs

Cafe Society
21

Amazing. The first names that popped into my mind when I read “best rhymes in song” were Tom Lehrer and W.S. Gilbert. Seems I’m not alone in making that association.

The lines quoted above from Cole Porter, for example, were quite obviously “inspired” by Gilbert & Sullivan’s The Sorcerer. The song My Name is John Wellington Wells is the single most difficult patter song in all of G&S, and includes the following lines.

You try saying that at breakneck speed.

As far as Tom Lehrer goes, he was at his most brilliant when he parodied W.S. Gilbert:

22

To work, a rhyme has to be of words that are appropriate for the situation. Putting a word that doesn’t fit just because it rhymes is obvious. Rhymes that have been done a million times before are pathetic, so any rhyme with “love” is a recipe for disaster. Complex rhyming schemes such as two consecutive words that rhyme with each of two later consecutive words are great if done properly.

One of my favorite Dylan tune, No Time to Think, has a lot of classic Dylan rhymes…

The empress attracts you but oppression distracts you…
I’ve seen all these decoys through a set of deep turquoise…
Stripped of all virtue as you crawl through the dirt, You…

23

Kizarvexius already got in with my favourite Lehrer rhyme in the ‘Clementine’ parody. So I’ll contribute another piece of Lehrer genius:
[/quote]
We’ve gained notoriety,
And caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society
With our games.
They call it impiety
And lack of propriety,
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names.
But it’s not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon.
[/quote]

24

Tim Rice also got flack for

His astonding clothing took the biscuit
Quite the smoothest person in the district.

Critics said it was “simplistic.” Rice responded “If it’s so simplistic, let’s see you do it.”

I’ve always loved the pyjamas/famers rhyme.

Don Black in "Tell Me On a Sunday:

Take me to a zoo that’s got chimpanzees
Tell me on a Sunday please.

25

I think we have a winner. But no matter. I think we can all agree that Lehrer and Gilbert together are the all-time champs.

26

Billy Talent are as you’d expect from their namesake, a rather talented Emo band. But one of their best songs, IMHO, is spoiled by an awful attempted rhyme.

From Line & Sinker

Everybody needs some sympathy
Santa seemed to miss my chimney

I’m sorry, but those two words just dont rhyme, and he ends up pronouncing chimney “chim-en-ay”. Which just sounds silly.

Well, I’m done now I’ve said it. Thankyou.

27

Tom Lehrer would vote for Stephen Sondheim:

Her majesty considers the arrangements to be tentative,

Until we ship a proper diplomatic representative.

We don’t forsee that you will be the least bit argumentative,

So please ignore the man-of-war we brought as a preventative.

Sorry, I don’t know what song/show this is from, I know it from a Tom Lehrer interview where he quotes it as what he admires in lyric writing.

28

In the worst rhymes category, I hearby nominate Madonna’s “Vogue”, wherein she bravely rhymes “to it” with “to it”.

29

What about War Pigs?

Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at black masses
Pathetic.

30

Favorite rhymes ever: Young MC - Bust A Move.

Such as…

Am I alone here?

31

It’s from the song “Please Hello” in the musical “Pacific Overtures”

Another by him
“Hey fella, feel like you’re a failure?
Bailiff on your tail?
Your wife run out for good?”

And, of course, his rhyme for “locksmith”

32

Sting has a LOT of explaining to do about some of the police lyrics. The Police were the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread title, but unfortunately I can’t think of any others right now. The “jail ya” bit is at the top of the list, although I remember something about “Scylla and Carybdis” that got a double-whammy because it was a lame rhyme and awfully pretentious at the same time.
For now, my vote is for Freedom Williams of the C+C Music Factory:

You’re just a girl and I’m your squirrel
Tryin’ to get the nut to move your butt

33

“The Errant Apprentice” has some great rhymes, including

Sure, bravery’s no virtue
when some heathen’s trying to hurt you
And all noble thoughts desert you
when you see his curly knife

34

Good rhyming: The Three Minute Hamlet

*Then when Hamlet killed Polonius, and the corpus was delecti,
Was the king’s excuse to send him for an English hempen necktie,
With Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to make quite sure he got there,
But Hamlet jumped the boat and put the finger straight on that pair.
When Laertes heard his dad’s killed in the bedroom in the arras,
He came running back to Elsinore tout-suite hot-foot from Paris.
When Ophelia heard her dad’s killed by the man she was to marry,
After saying it with flowers, she committed hari-kari.
*

35

I was going to do good/bad rhymes in one post, but I couldn’t remember what song was bad, bad, bad: Rest, Sweet Nymphs

*1. Rest, sweet nymphs, let golden sleep Charm your starbrighter eyes,
Whiles my lute the watch doth keep With pleasing sympathies.

Lulla lullaby, lullaby!
Sleep sweetly, Sleep sweetly,
Let nothing affright ye;
In calm contentments lie.

  1. Thus, dear damsels, I do give Good night, and so am **gone. **
    With your hearts’ desires long live, Still joy and never **moan. **
36

Stan Freberg, “It’s a Round, Round World”

Michael Flanders

37

When I think of the absolute *worst * rhymes, one song immediately comes to mind. Eagle-Eye Cherry’s “When Mermaids Cry”

That’s bad.

I can’t think of any amazing ones right now, so I’ll throw out this from Da Vinci’s Notebook’s “Another Irish Drinkin’ Song”

38

First thing I thought of (for worse) is Tina Turner’s

You’re simply the best, better than all the rest

Any rhyming of “best” and “rest” sounds like it came from a badly written high-school yearbook

39

I personally find all the rhymes in I Say a Little Prayer annoying.

40

Don’t forget this classic:

And also from The Music Man

As far as really BAD rhymes, I don’t think there’s much of anything worse than Neil Diamond’s

Shudders.