Milk of Magnesia, it is safe, works quick, doesn’t taste that nasty and in one day your guts will be clean as a whistle. I tried the baby kind once, I could not make it to the toilet and ended up throwing away my perfectly good, yet smelly air bed. Go with the cherry flavored adult one and have an extra 1/2 of a swig just in case… 
If you’ve been constipated for eight years, you might want to see a doctor.
So I guess it’s no longer “need answer fast”?
When my wife’s water broke but there were no contractions, it was suggested that she take some mineral oil to help induce labor. I hit every mom and pop pharmacy along Graham Avenue until I finally found one that was open on Sunday morning and carried the stuff. It induced something, but it wasn’t labor.
Have you considered eating a great big salad with lots of veggies on it? Maybe some red beans and rice? Follow either with a couple of large glasses of water. You’ll poop.
I take opiates daily and don’t need a laxative…because I eat food with fiber in it.
mutters about what the dickens people are eating these days
and get off my lawn!
Just take dried apricots–they’re mother nature’s colon blow.
Or you can try some of my home made onion soup.
For once we agree. And I still want to meet the man who named it just to beat him senseless. Or if he’s already been beaten to death, find his grave and piss on it.
Psyllium fiber capsules work for me.
Do zombies use laxatives?
Wouldn’t it make more sense to poop on it?
Perhaps the person making that suggestion was unclear on the concept.
Just don’t confuse it with milk of amnesia… much different effect.
Another vote for prune juice. 6 cups of that will have you squirting real quick.
Sugar free gummi bears! 
You can’t make this shit up.
Fleet’s the stuff! Also it’s not one of those oily based things so you won’t get the uh… “leakage”. It provides a predictable (read: expected :)) toilet visit and won’t cause an accident. The warning about BE NEAR A TOILET OMG sounded a bit over-reactive.
Another old timey trick is corn silk- from ears of corn from produce aisle. Boil the corn silks, drink the boiled water they were in. It’s the same exact ingredient in natural laxatives.
has anyone mentioned something like this: http://www.mydr.com.au/medicines/cmis/microlax-enema
10-15 minutes tops
:smack:dammit
…Today, 03:10 AM
Today, 03:11 AM
Now THAT’s fast acting. :eek:
Lurch down to the nearest Jugo Juice and order a large Kale Smoothie. Problem solved.