Maybe it’s The Gay in me, but I use enemas. It’s fun to squirt cold water up your ass, I guess. But it’s a real convenience to already be in the bathroom taking a big shot of eyedrops into my brown eye, then already be there when I have to go.
Homeopathic saltwater? 
Hmm? No, it’s not homeopathic at all. It…look, d’ya want me to go all Alton Brown on ya? It’s like a brine for your innards. The insides and outsides of your intestines “want” to be at the same salinity. So just like when you brine a turkey, drinking saltwater lets salt sit on your intestinal walls. The water in your system osmosises (what’s the verb form of “osmosis”?) over into the salty side of things to dilute all that salt. Then, before it can be reabsorbed, your gut goes, “Holy shit! There’s a lot of heavy water in here pressing on my rectum! Out it goes!” and it pushes along everything that’s been gumming up the works. So, *unlike *a brine, the saltwater doesn’t have a chance to go back into your system - it just shoots out along with the shit.
It’s the most dramatic and effective part of The Master Cleanse. Ignoring all the crap about toxins, the saltwater is very effective at loosening stubborn bowels.
And, y’know, I’m cheap. I have salt and water in my kitchen already.
Water dissolved in water… Strong stuff!
:smack: Oy, now I see what he was getting at. Quite right. 1 tsp. of SALT in a big glass of warm water.
I are dum sumtimes.
Tap beer
We’ll still keep you, typos and all.
Taco Bell
I guess she’s not all bad. Even if she did try to pass off water in water as a laxative. 
Well, hey, so did chaoticbear! His method of administration is probably more efficient for the “water laxative”, however!
My wife suggested a teaspoon of mineral oil to get the job done. In her case, milk works just as well (mild lactose intolerance…heh)
Brendon Small
I actually took 1 and 1/2 tablespoons last night of mineral ol…no results yet. hmph. How long does it usually take?
Thanks for the advice 
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I suggest getting some of that powered fiber supplement, and using it daily. You very likely can use more fiber in your diet. Adding some probiotics wil help also.
Do not drink warm saltwater. This is an effective emetic (causes you to barf your guts out)
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I received several emails about the salt water advice and Googled it.
Apparently some people feel that warm salt water does make a good laxative - but these same people seem to be of the natural healing/homeopathic bent.
Take this advice with a - uhhhm…grain of salt, OK?
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Hmm. I have no idea. I actually don’t even know if it does work. We had a bottle of it from something, but I don’t think I’ve ever taken any, nor she. Honest, I can ask her when she gets home from work, but I don’t think it should take nearly very long at all.
Of course, neither of us are doctors, but she usually has little “home-cures” for most everything…
Brendon
I’ve found TGI Fridays to be an effective laxative. Particularly the one near my house which has since been torn down.
Warm caffeinated beverages work, too. Coffee or tea. Gets the job done without causing explosive diarrhea.
Maybe find a bookstore or library that has a coffee shop. That should definitely do the trick.
The title says best while the OP says fastest.
The fastest is an enema.
The best is a complete change in your diet, which means replacing most of the crap you probably eat now with foods that are extremely fiber-rich.
I had a terrifying bout of constipation a while ago that left me in physical agony and crying on the bathroom floor at 4am. The following day I went to the market and didn’t put anything in my basket that didn’t contain a minimum of 3 grams of fiber. In the following week I ate beans, bean soup, falafel, tabouleh, nuts, seeds, granola, fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, bran bread and cereal, Scottish oat cereal, olive oil, and dried fruit. I didn’t restrict my calories or fats, just the kind of food I ate. I also eliminated fake sugar and most real sugar. (The most fiber-dense food you can eat is beans, by the way. Double-fiber bread was only 6 grams, delicious Tuscan bean soup is 14!!)
The results were pretty immediate and pretty amazing. My system got to working properly of course, but I also experienced a shift in my appetite, my overall sense of well-being, and my weight. I was also really enjoying my food and pretty much ALL the digestive upsets I’d experienced off and on persistently for years disappeared.
That was 8 weeks or so ago, I’ve kept it up, and I’ve lost 10 pounds and feel much better. I highly recommend it to everyone, especially people over 30, the overweight, and anyone who has a tendency to have any kind of elimination issues.
There are active ingredients in enemas! I just don’t know if they actually do anything.