Here’s a treat that will clean you out delightfully thoroughly, but it doesn’t work for everyone, I have found.
Several sugar-free ice creams feature one or more sugar alcohols as sweeteners. If you are susceptible, these sugar alcohols create a great deal of intestinal rumbling within an hour of ingestion – it has, on occasion awakened me from a sound doze – and, as it courses its way through the canal, the generous bolus of gas and water puts the old peristalsis to the test.
When the wave front gets as far as the last third or so of the large intestine, you’ll know something is up, if you hadn’t already been paying attention to your symptoms. Don’t plan on doing anything for a while but reading whilst at stool. The initial movement is copious, often explosive, and (if you are coming to the task with a good heart) life-affirming. If luck is with you, there may be several such episodes, regrettably declining in strength, duration, and concussive effect. Particularly enjoyable (though perhaps not for the beginner) is the reverberation of the acoustic shockwaves within the toilet bowl. Within a tiled bathroom, the effect is deafening.
The net result is that of core-deep inner peace (not to mention the loss of several pounds of water and fecal material).
I particularly relish the juxtaposition of sensations in the alimentary canal – a delicious ice cream binge (I recommend at least a pint, perhaps two) followed almost immediately by deliciously violent antipodal activity.
Be careful when you try this at home alone. I can handle it – but I’m a professional.