Space - the Final Frontier…
Bull Durham:
I believe in the Church of Baseball. I’ve tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones. I’ve worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I learned that, I gave Jesus a chance. ( sigh ) But it just didn’t work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology.
You see, there’s no guilt in baseball, and it’s never borin’ ( giggle ) - which makes it like sex. There’s never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn’t have the best year of his career. Makin’ love is like hittin’ a baseball. You just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I’d never sleep with a player hittin’ under .250, unless he had a lot of RBIs or was a great glove man up the middle.
You see, there’s a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I’ve got a ballplayer alone, I’ll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him. And the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. Of course, a guy’ll listen to anything if he thinks it’s foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe - and pretty. Of course, what I give them lasts a lifetime. What they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade, but bad trades are part of baseball. I mean, who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God’s sake? It’s a long season and you gotta trust it. I’ve tried 'em all, I really have. And the only church that truly feeds the soul - day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball
No Country for Old Men:
I was sheriff of this county when I was twenty-five. Hard to believe. Grandfather was a lawman. Father too. Me and him was sheriff at the same time, him in Plano and me here. I think he was pretty proud of that. I know I was. Some of the old-time sheriffs never even wore a gun. A lot of folks find that hard to believe. Jim Scarborough never carried one. That the younger Jim. Gaston Boykins wouldn’t wear one. Up in Commanche County. I always liked to hear about the old- timers. Never missed a chance to do so. Nigger Hoskins over in Batrop County knowed everybody’s phone number off by heart. You can’t help but compare yourself against the old timers. Can’t help but wonder how they would’ve operated these times. There was this boy I sent to Huntsville here a while back. My arrest and my testimony. He killed a fourteen-year-old girl. Papers said it was a crime of passion but he told me there wasn’t any passion to it. Told me that he’d been planning to kill somebody for about as long as he could remember. Said that if they turned him out he’d do it again. Said he knew he was going to hell. Be there in about fifteen minutes. I don’t know what to make of that. I surely don’t. The crime you see now, it’s hard to even take its measure. It’s not that I’m afraid of it. I always knew you had to be willing to die to even do this job – not to be glorious. But I don’t want to push my chips forward and go out and meet something I don’t understand. You can say it’s my job to fight it but I don’t know what it is anymore. More than that, I don’t want to know. A man would have to put his soul at hazard. He would have to say, okay, I’ll be part of this world.
"This is the city. Los Angeles, California.’
“I work here. I carry a badge.”
There were variations between the two lines, but these were a constant.
Dragnet
[Crocodile Dundee]
That’s not the Original Superman Cartoon opening.
This is the original Superman cartoon opening.
[/Crocodile Dundee]
Knight Rider: A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man… who does not exist. Michael Knight: A young loner on a campaign to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless, in a world of criminals that operate above the law.
I always loved the starting monologue to the original Outer Limits:
There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: There is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to… The Outer Limits.
The Prisoner
(From remarks to the new Number Two)
“I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own.”
Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport,…
the thrill of victory,…
and the agony of defeat,…
the human drama of athletic competition.
This is ABC’s Wide World of Sports.
This Is Spinal Tap
Hello. My name is Marty DeBergi. I’m a filmmaker. I make a lot of commercials. That little dog that chases the covered wagon underneath the sink? That was mine. In 1966, I went down to Greenwich Village, New York City to a rock club called the Electric Banana. Don’t look for it, it’s not there anymore. But that night I heard a band that for me redefined the word “rock and roll.” I remember being knocked out by their, their exuberance, their raw power - and their punctuality. That band was Britain’s now-legendary Spinal Tap. Seventeen years and fifteen albums later, Spinal Tap is still going strong, and they’ve earned a distinguished place in rock history as one of England’s loudest bands. So in the late fall of 1982 when I heard that Tap was releasing a new album called “Smell the Glove,” and was planning their first tour of the United States in almost six years to promote that album, well, needless to say, I jumped at the chance to make the documentary, the, if you will, “rockumentary” that you’re about to see. I wanted to capture the, the sights, the sounds, the smells, of a hard-working rock band on the road. And I got that. But I got more, a lot more. But hey - enough of my yakkin’. Whaddaya say, let’s boogie!
On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence; that request came from his wife. Deep down, he knew she was right, but he also knew that some day he would return to her. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison. Several years earlier, Madison’s wife had thrown HIM out, requesting that HE never return. Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?
Alternatively:
You’re taking a vacation from normality. The setting: a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery. And there’s also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.
You’re on a scenic route through a state recreational area known as the human mind. You ask a passer-by for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding The Scary Door.
You’re entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it’s magic, or contains some kind of monster … the second one. Prepare to enter the Scary Door.
You are entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster, or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door.
Enclosed is a .pdf attachment, a picture of yourself in a boat on a river. It’s a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It’s a magic river, that’s how. It is flowing down the eerie canal to … The Scary Door. That’s eerie with two Es.
Sugar
Spice
And everything nice
These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girl.
But Professor Utonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction
Chemical X
Thus the Powerpuff Girls were born!
Using their ultra-super powers Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil!
Not sure if it exactly fits what the OP is looking for. But I always liked the simple opening monologue of Gunsmoke (Gunsmoke, starring James Arness as Matt Dillon). But I especially love the opening of the first episode that included John Wayne.
MR TERRIFIC
"A scientist, both wise and bold, set out to cure the common cold.
But instead, he found this power pill which he said most certainly will…
Turn a lamb into a lion; like an eagle he’ll be flyin’.
Solid steel will be like putty; it will work on anybody.
But then, t’was found this potent pill made the strongest men quite ill,
So the secret search began to find the one and only man…
What they found made them squeamish, for only Stanley Beamish,
A weak and droopy daffodil, could take the special power pill,
that sent him soaring through the skies, fighting foes and fighting spies…
When he took the pill specific, it made him the most prolific, terrific…
MR. TERRIFIC!"
Check out this cast! I never knew there was an unaired pilot with Alan Young.
From Kill Bill, Part 2;
" Looked dead, didn’t I? Well, I wasn’t. But it wasn’t from lack of trying, I can tell you that. Actually, Bill’s last bullet put me in a coma – a coma I was to lie in for four years. When I woke up, I went on what the movie advertisements refer to as “a roaring rampage of revenge.” I roared. And I rampaged. And I got bloody satisfaction. I’ve killed a hell of a lot of people to get to this point, but I have only one more. The last one. The one I’m driving to right now. The only one left.
And when I arrive at my destination, I am gonna kill Bill."
Elmer beat me to it.
mmm
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From the underrated Way of the Gun:
There is a natural order. The way things are meant to be. An order that says that the good guys always win. That you die when it’s your time, or you have it coming. That the ending is always happy, if only for someone else. Now at some point it became clear to us that our path had been chosen and we had nothing to offer the world. Our options narrowing down to petty crime or minimum wage. So, we stepped off the path, and went looking for the fortune that we knew was looking for us. Once off the path you do what you can to eat and to keep moving. You don’t blow your ghost of a chance with nickel and dime. No possessions, no comforts. Need is the ultimate monkey. A pint of your blood can fetch you fifty bucks. A shot of cum, three grand. You keep your life simple and you can literally self sustain.