I think you win.
A different kind of “worst”, but … my brother’s stripper wife had some … interesting decorating tastes. Their tree decorating exclusively in purple and gold ornaments and garland with flashing white lights, and the motherfucker rotated. First Class Trashy all the way.
P.S. They are divorced, but not because of the tree.
My first husband and I bought a house just outside Seattle with three (Vertical) acres. He decided he would go out and hunt down our very own wild Christmas tree. So, axe in hand, dressed like a lumber jack, he set off around 2:00 PM.
I stayed behind with our son, not quite two years old, warm and dry.
It gets dark early in the winter here, so when he wasn’t back by dusk, around 4:30, I wasn’t worried. I still wasn’t worried at 5:30, full dark and starting to snow. He was, after all, dressed like a lumber jack.
At 6:30 I started going to the window every few minutes. By 7:30, I was worried. He couldn’t get lost, there were roads on two sides of the woods and a concrete yard on the third.
At 7:55 Brave Hunter came dragging a tree that would have been right at home at a saw mill.
We decided to leave it in the garage until morning, but the boy would have none of that! “Tree get cold! Snowin’! Snowin’!” There was no explaining that trees live outside.
So, covered in snow and bringing the weather inside with it, we wrestle this giant redwood trough the kitchen door. It was about 4 feet too tall. The Skill Saw came in handy.
The reason it took so long for him to get back was, there were so many to chose from. He finally decided to take the small, but perfectly formed one!
The tree took up the whole living room. It smelled just like Christmas. We had to go out and buy more of everything to decorate it.
That was the best tree ever.
That sounds amazingly tacky. I would probably pay money to see photos of trashy Christmas trees. Especially those upside-down trees that hang from the ceiling.
My best Christmas tree was the year I did a tree for my rabbits. I went to the Christmas tree place and asked them for an ugly tree, and they sold me a nice tree for $5. I took it home and put folded paper chains and unpainted wood ornaments on it so the bunnies could nibble on them. They had a blast with that tree. I only did it one time and I don’t have any rabbits now, but some day I will do that again. I have a fake tree this year, and I keep thinking it would be nice to have that real pine smell.
One year my second husband and I decided to plant our tree after Christmas. It didn’t have a root ball or anything, just a tree off the lot. We planted it in front of one the front windows off the side of the porch, too close really, in January, and expected it to die (never live.) That sumbitch grew like we were feeding it from Mayo’s. After a couple years we started decorating it better than the ones we had inside. When we finally moved we just knew the new owners were going to eventually have to cut it down before it undermined the whole front part of the house.
I wish I had a tree like that to remember.
We were one of a few Jewish families in our growing suburb, and our parents didn’t want us to feel left out. So we celebrated both Christmas and Hanukkah. The first tree we got, when I was about 3, was so tall, my father had to cut it to fit in the living room. It was packed with ornaments, in addition to the ones we made. The following year, a slightly smaller tree fit in the living room nicely. Over the years, we strung popcorn and cranberries on the trees. One year we made gingerbread men and hung them . . . and came down the next morning, to find the little guys missing from the bottom half of the tree, and a house filled with gingerbread dog vomit. But each year, the tree was smaller, as more and more emphasis was placed on Hanukkah. By the time I was 10, we had a tiny 2-foot tree placed on a bookcase, with a few ornaments and no light. This pathetic tree marked the exit of any Christian celebration in the house. I think it was around that time that Easter exited as well.
Now, I have a beautiful artificial 7-foot tree with 700 stationary white lights and four strands of 100 randomly blinking white lights. I’ve spent a fortune on decorations, and more than a few handmade ones. My partner, who lives next door, has a real tree with absolutely no decorations. I like his too.
Best one was a live-cut, almost too big for the house. Smelled great, had a bird’s nest, was great fun going out in the wilderness and picking it. Good times.
Worst one is the one right behind me, now. Same artificial tree we’ve had for years, but it was put up late (yesterday night) in anger, not finished and unloved. Complete lack of interest from all involved. Its been a shit year, and this will be a shit Christmas. Thus the drink.
We don’t have a tree, or any decorations this year. Hubby’s dad died last Friday, after a long illness.
We did go downtown this evening, to see the lights and take a carriage ride. Unfortunately, the city raised the license fees for the carriages, so there was only one and the line was too long. We’re going to go to a smaller city near by and do it there.
I’ve found drinking helps in those years, too. But don’t listen to Judy Garland’s Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas unless you’re prepared to lose it.
Here’s hoping you’re singing Deck the Halls next year.
We had the exact same Christmas tree when I was a young tyke.
…but, it was the best tree I remember 
My grandparents had an aluminum tree with the light, too, and used it well into the 80s. There is currently one in it’s box in my basement right now and if I could find a light, I would totally put that thing up. My husband has had it for a million years.
Although we usually do a live tree and plant it, this year it’s a little fake tree with magenta, green and pink ornaments and white lights.
My folks got a Christmas tree flocked one year. It made my brother and me sneeze uncontrollably. Of course, we never got another flocked one.
Flock it all.
When I was stationed in Germany, and living off base, my roommate and I bought a tree and took it home to our house to decorate. It turned out that it wouldn’t stand up on its own. We had to tie it to a chair.
It did not happen to me but our own **SkipMagic ** surely has the best story with the spiders that took over the Christmas tree. :eek: :eek:
Ew.
That beats our tree with the preying mantis egg case.
Growing up, we always had fake Christmas trees. Then one year we decided that we would go “Full Christmas” and buy a real tree.
That caused countless problems : from slightly damaging the paint on the top of the family van (while transporting) all the way to the pine branches withering long before Dec 25th (due to the lack of proper hydration).
These problems could all be resolved, but unless you grew up with “real” trees, and have that nostalgia associated with them, it’s just not worth the hassle.
At least not from someone who’s always (except for one year) had fake trees. 
I won an inflatable Christmas tree, maybe 4 feet tall, complete with inflatable ball ornaments, made as a swimming pool toy, at an office Christmas party Yankee swap. The co-worker who put it in was tired of the kids beating each other over the head with it.
But, with the air out, it packed neatly on the cruise we took that first Christmas, and fit well in our cabin, with room for presents underneath too. It went back into storage until this year, when we’ve been so busy packing for a move that we haven’t been interested in putting up the usual natural-looking but non-shedding artificial one from the attic. It still looks silly as hell but it still holds air, and, well, Merry Christmas!
We might have a pool in our Florida house when we pick it out … hmmm …
Right here in town, the MEG Foundation (serving the former Marleah E. Graves School building on Essex Street) does that too. Many local businesses and organizations decorate trees that go on display in the former classrooms, and are raffled off a week before Christmas. Many of the business trees have gift certificates for ornaments, too. Santa holds court in his throne in one room, for the kiddies.