I like, every once in a while, to live the good life.
In particular, I enjoy a good Italian meal at a nice restaurant every once in a while.
My SO and I found a wonderful restaurant in San Francisco that we go to whenever our pocketbooks allow (not to often considering our poor college student status). They have superb food and we have always gotten above and beyond wonderful service.
So, I decided to take three close friends there.
Now, a word about my friends and I. Our main form of entertainment (when we are poor) is to go to Denny’s, order cheap food, get to know the wait staff, and leave 40-60% tips (no kidding). We do this for a variety of reasons. Because we tend to order cheap food, our bills end up small, but the waitperson still did the same amount of work. We are poor college kids and we are able to recognize the hard work that wait people do, and we are able to sympathize with their meager wages. I’d even go as far as to say we have socialist tendencies, and want to “spread the wealth”, and what better wealth to redistribute than your own?
We tip well.
So we went to the restaurant. The first thing that happened was the doorman led us in like he was taking us to a table, but then, he suddenly veered off into the bar, and told us to wait there for “just a second”.
We are not of legal drinking age. We do not even look like we are of legal drinking age. One of the people involved was barely eighteen, much less twenty-one. We don’t even have fake IDs! Obviously his ploy to jack up the profits by selling us drinks was fatally flawed. So we sat there quietly (and had to explain to the bartender why we weren’t buying anything) for far longer than a second. It was quite a while. Quite an uncomfortable while, as the bartender was staring at us menacingly.
When we ordered, the waiter seemed distinctly displeased with our order (Two of us got delicious appetizers in liu of entrees, and we shared two desserts). We know it was an unusual order, and would usually make for a smaller tip, but we always tip as if we had ordered full meals instead of the cheaper options. I am loyal to this restaurant, and usually order full three courses. I thought that a cheapskate order just once would be forgiven.
Apparently not.
Not once did they fill up our water (was this our punishment for ordering “just water” to drink with our meals?) The waiter would pass by…glance at our parched cups…walk over and fill up other people’s water…but not deign to provide us with life giving H2O to wash down our spicy penne pasta and rich chocolate gelato.
Needless to say, not once did they ask if we were doing okay.
Needless to say, we waited patiently for half an hour after dessert until we gave up and flagged our waiter down for the check.
When we paid, we requested that they bring us the change, so that we could make sure that everyone in the party was able to contribute equally to the tip.
We were supposed to get something like 3.75 worth of change back. They gave us three crumples dollar bills. Where did our .75 go? I don’t know. Perhaps it got eaten by galactic interstellar monsters hiding in the kitchen. Perhaps they were mugged by a patron on the way back to our table with it. More likely, they assumed (considering our young looks and their terrible service) that we were not going to leave them a very bountiful tip, and decided to take what they could when they could.
I don’t even remember what we left as tip. Something along the lines of ten or fifteen percent, bleeding hearts that we are. I would have stiffed them completely, but there is no use giving kids like me an even worse name.
I had to apologize to my friends about my restaurant choice.
I don’t know if I will go back there. I love their food, and they have always always treated me wonderfully before.
But San Francisco is full of Italian restaurants, and I am sure I can find one that will not betray me!