Bills of Mortality

By John Graunt of London

The diseases and casualties this year, being 1632:

(And you thought YOU had it bad…)

Abortive and Stillborn 44
Affrighted 1:eek:
Aged 628
Ague 43
Apoplex and Meagrom 17
Bit With a Mad Dog 1
Bleeding 3
Bloody Flux, Scowring 348
Brused, Issue, Sores and Ulcers 28
Burned and Scalded 5
Burst and Rupture 9
Cancer and Wolf 10
Canker 1
Childbed 171
Chrisomes and Infants 2268
Cold and Cough 55
Colick, Stone, and Strangury 56
Consumption 1797
Convulsion 241
Cut of the Stone 5
Dead in the Street, and Starved 6
Dropsy and Swelling 267
Drowned 34
Executed and Prest to Death 18
Falling Sickness 7
Fever 1108
Fistula 13
Flux and Smallpox 531
French Pox 12;)
Gangrene 5
Gout 4
Grief 11
Jaundies 43
Jawfain 8
Impostume 74
Killed by Several Accidents 46
King’s Evil 38
Lethargie 2
Livergrown 87
Lunatique 5
Made Away Themselves 15
Measles 80
Murthered 7
Over-laid and Starved at Nurse 7
Palsie 25
Piles 1
Plague 8
Planet 13
Pleurisie and Spleen 36
Purple and Spotted Fever 38
Quinsie 7
Rising of the Lights 98
Sciatica 1
Scurvy and Itch 9
Suddenly 62:confused:
Surfeit 86
Swine Pox 6
Teeth 470
Thrush and Sore Mouth 40
Tympany 13
Tissick 34
Vomiting 1
Worms 27

I really hope this means “killed by various types of accidents” and not “involved in several accidents each”.

Frockulance

Imperiscope

The Weasels

Transdifferation of the Tween

Rendered, or Threw a Trout

Besconed

Twaddled

Mispatched

Trunculectomy

No Insurance

Kaiser Permanente Insurance

Strained

Burst Pendulum

Dimming of the bulb

The Queens’ Corset

Pointlessly

Aimlessly

Mistakenly

Adam, and Eve, and Pinchmetight

Mareseatoats

Doeseatoats

Littlelambseativy

Crenulations of the Queef

The Spanish Panic

Sturn und Drang

Flopsy

Mopsy

Cottontail

Remorselessly

Oh wow. I mean, oh wow!