OK, so it’s basically just a typical open relationship.
Totally disagree. I understand that if you consider yourself pansexual, then gender/biological sex is irrelevant to you; but I am not pansexual and that is definitely not true for me. I like primary and secondary sexual characteristics. They turn me on. I just happen to like both kinds of them. I like them in different ways, and for different reasons, but there is no way to say that I like either men or women “more” or “better” than the other; because I like them differently.
For me the ideal would be committed duogamy – one male and one female partner, and yes I’d be both emotionally and physically involved with both of them. This being the real world and not an ideal one, however, no one’s ever stuck around long enough for it to come up.
So please don’t paint “all bisexual people” with one single broad brush. We are individuals and we are all different. Hell, I don’t even like the term “bisexual” anymore and stopped using it to refer to myself – because frankly it caused people to misunderstand my sexuality more than it helped them to understand it.
Sorry - in my original writing of that post, I had a whole load of qualifiers that I seem to have taken out, about how I was only talking about myself and the few bisexual people I knew. Please accept my apologies if you felt I was wrongly attributing motives to you - that was certainly not my intention.
(But, to clarify, I didn’t mean sexual characteristics were irrelevant, I meant that gender wasn’t a disqualifying factor, in the same way that hair colour isn’t, nor skin colour. But I’ve not slept much last night, so this clarification may not be hugely clear. I might come back later and try to make more sense…)
This thread went a little off track, and I didn’t read all of it, so sorry if this point has already been made.
If a couple wants to have an open relationship, that’s fine with me, as long as they both agree to it. Having said that, I don’t know what one person being a bisexual has to do with it. I am attracted to both blondes and brunettes. My wife is a brunette. Should I have a special right to bop blonde women becuase of my desires?
If you and your wife both agree that you can bop as many blondes as you want, then go for it. But don’t feel slighted if your wife doesn’t want you bopping redheads.
Exactly my point. If the OP’s SO is fine with extra-curricular activities, more power to them, but her being a bisexual has, IMO, nothing to do with the decision to be made.
The hair color analogy is completely silly. You just don’t hear significant others of blond(e)s saying, “but I reeeally want to try it with a redhead because I want to know what it’s like to be on the bottom, on the receiving end, with someone who has beard stubble and a toned feel to their body instead of peach fuzz and smooth squishy parts.” Men and women have completely different drives in bed and, I’m told, the respective experiences of being with them are very different.
I’ve slept with men and women, and I’ve found as much variation in the experience between people of the same gender, as I have between people of different genders.
OK, here’s the thing: it’s a lot easier to accept your partner’s partners if you don’t feel like they’re filling the same role you do in your partner’s life. For instance, some of my kinky friends with vanilla partners engage in kink play with other people, and their partner doesn’t feel jealous because the other people are clearly filling a different roll in the kinky partner’s life, so they don’t fear being replaced. I think this - as well as the erotic factor - go a long ways to explaining why some straight men don’t mind if their bisexual girlfriends sleep with other women. Whether or not their right is up for debate, but personally, while I enjoy having sex with women, I wouldn’t give up having easy access to a real penis.
I’m pansexual, and my fiance is straight. We have a semi-open relationship: we will engage in threesomes on occasion, and we recently agreed that we are both permitted to sleep with other women when he’s traveling for business, but only as one-night stands. (In other words, I can’t sleep with any of my friends, and he can’t have an “on-the-road” girlfriend.) We haven’t actually had the opportunity to take advantage of this new arrangement, so I can’t report on its success yet. Regarding other men, I encourage him to sleep with other men, but since he’s strictly straight, he won’t. 
He’s not entirely comfortable with me sleeping with other men, and since I’m not interested in doing so, I don’t.
I don’t think my bisexuality is the sole reason for my interest in open relationships. I initially proposed to him that he be allowed to sleep with other women while he’s traveling, on the condition that he tell me about it when he gets back, because I’m turned on by the idea. He wasn’t comfortable with that arrangement because it felt too one-sided, so he proposed that I also be allowed to sleep with other women. As it happened, I’d been fantasizing about having sex with women, so I was happy to accept that proposal.
Thanks. I probably get more testy about it than I should; it’s a very common assumption that “bisexual” equals “gender blind” (which is one of the reasons why I no longer use the term), and I get kind of tired of explaining that no, genitals, boobs, and nice pecs matter to me quite a bit, thanks. (I also quite often get a whiff of superiority from people who identify as having “gender blind” affections, and that annoys me no end.)
I do find the hair color analogy silly, though. Gender and biological sex, for the vast majority of people, are quite a bit more fundamental to their attractions, affections, and arousal patterns than hair color is. After all, we have whole bunches of people who refuse to date or have sex with men because they find a penis to be that much of a turn-off. I’ve not heard of all that many (well, personally, I’ve never heard of any) who would actually refuse to date/have sex with a blonde, all other things being equal.
That said, I don’t think the OP’s boyfriend has a really good grasp of what non-hetero-normative orientations really are. Sure, maybe Stauderhorse – herself, in particular, as an individual – isn’t wired to form romantic attachments to women, but has he asked her or is he assuming that’s the case? If he’s making blanket assumptions about “how all bisexuals are” it’s quite possible he’s going to be unpleasantly surprised by reality later. As we’ve seen just in this thread, there is no homogeneous “how all bisexuals are.” This is something they need to have an actual conversation about, so everyone’s on the same page.
Glad I’m not the only one! 
I’m starting to think we come in so many different varieties does it make sense to lump us all under one label.
I agree… there really isn’t a good word in common use that describes how my orientation works (and maybe my orientation is just too complex for that to be practical). So my choices come down to more specific, but less accurate (bisexual), or more vague/general and more accurate (queer – how I’m referring to myself these days).
In most cases it’s an option to actually have a more in depth conversation about how I work; but sometimes it would be really nice to have a short term/phrase I can use so we can move on with the conversation.
I am a bisexual woman in a totally monogamous long-term relationship with a straight man. For me, being ‘bisexual’ means I have had romantic and sexual feelings for people of both genders and could pursue a romantic or sexual relationship with a man or a woman. I have no interest in having an open relationship or having group sex (too complicated); neither does my BF, so that’s that. I don’t feel any ‘need’ for sex with women.
To my BF and I, me having sexual contact with another woman would be the same as me having sex with a man.
As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure that my attraction to girls is entirely sexual. While I haven’t had the chance to get involved with a woman yet, I don’t think there’s a very good chance of it becoming romantic. I just don’t have the same kinds of feelings for women as I do for some men, even if I haven’t gotten sexually involved with them. I have told my boyfriend this, and he seemed reassured.
Are there any bi men who want to give their perspective on this? I’d be really interested to hear it.
I think it’s an insulting concept, but YMMV, I suppose.
I was wondering about that too. How many straight women consent to open relationships with bi guys?