Oh man. I feel for you.
Was he ever married before? If so, what was the other girl like? Did the parents break that one up too?
I would say that you got off easy. Better to know how involved his parents are in his decision-making now than to find out at the reception, when she is wiping cake off his nose. Go have some fun with your new “singleness.”
When you are 43, it ain’t yer Mommy’s fault, honey.
I bet big bucks you are not the first woman who has met this particular rejection. Big bucks. The guy is many, many years past the opportunity to grow a set of balls to call his own. Mommy is in charge, and mommy likes it that way. Obviously he likes it that way, too. Daddy got sick. That might well be how daddy deals with it. Hell, it’s making me sick, and I don’t even have to live with her!
“Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.” ~ Michael Levine ~
{{{whiterabbit}}}
He wasn’t worthy of you.
I’m dumbfounded. Wasn’t there a movie about this guy? ‘Psycho’ or something like that?
Here whiterabbit, have a good, stiff whiskey. Then have a good soppy cry.
Then wake up in the morning and thank your lucky stars you won’t have this family as in-laws. You are one incredibly fortunate young lady to have managed to get out of a very tangled web.
Now just sit back and watch the ex strangle himself with his family ties…and laugh. 
I have to agree: you’re lucky you’re not marrying this man. The in-laws didn’t do this to you or to him–your fiance is entirely to blame here. He has “assholic” parents, yes, but he’s got choices with respect to how he responds to their assholicness. If he doesn’t realize that at 43, he probably won’t ever get it.
One of my best friends married a man a year and a half ago whose mother invites them over to dinner every week so she can insult my friend throughout the meal. My friend’s husband refuses to decline the invitations or speak to his mother about her rudeness to his wife. They’re on the verge of divorce over this issue, because the husband insists he CAN’T do anything about the situation. They just made an expensive move across the country, bought a house together, and are saddled with considerable student debt. She’s not sure she can afford to leave him, even if she wants/needs to for her own sanity.
Be glad you haven’t invested any more of your time or emotions in this man. You did the right and brave thing by breaking it off. In a year or two, you’ll thank yourself.
Think about if you had married him, and how his relationship with his mom would have made married life and your life miserable. Any time she visited, any time you and your husband argued, anything involving your kids (if you had any)… anything you did, period, would be subject to her disapproval. And your husband wouldn’t do a thing to back you up. Your job, your appearance, your education, how you decorated your home, and how you cared for your pets and children would be scrutinized and criticized, and you would have to bear it alone.
I think all that’s much worse than a broken engagement.
I’m sorry that you have to go through this. You know you deserve better, so you’re going to be better off in the long run. Hang in there.
Thanks guys. I KNOW you’re right, and I don’t blame just his mother – however, she IS a bitch. She claimed I snubbed her in her own house. And anybody who could lay down an ultimatum like that on their kids, regardless of their age, has got a few screws loose.
I had NO IDEA. NONE. I’d heard from his brother that she treats them both like children, but I didn’t take that too seriously. I didn’t know that HE did. And I DO blame him – give me a few days and I think I’m going to be VERY angry.
In the long run I’m quite sure I’ll be better off. Right now, though, I feel awful.
{{{{whiterabbit}}}}
Let me just offer a bit of salve for the knife wounds in your back. Please, as far as I’m concerned, use this Pit to be as angry as you like. Talk about having cause to be! In the meantime, consider this one more piece of garbage to be tossed out with the old year.
Take care,
CJ
Very sad. God go with you, Whiterabbit.
Dang, man, I know it hurts but you’ll look back and say this is the best thing that ever could have happened to you. Don’t look back, this guy is a loser not a keeper.
I’m just adding my vote here–whiterabbit, thank all the gods for your fortunate escape. I know how you feel, having been there before, and it took me awhile to realize how lucky I had been. You lucked out, big time. Tell yourself that, every day, whether you believe it at the time or not, because it’s true.
Get your cats, ASAP, and be as sweet as possible while picking them up, or any other time you have contact. He won’t learn anything from criticism–he’s had plenty of opportunity to, and frankly he’s sleeping in the bed he made, which is punishment enough.
I’m so sorry you’re hurting, whiterabbit. But, like everyone else, I’ve got to echo that you’re fortunate to have found it out this early on.
I have NEVER seen such unanimity of response in any thread.
It’s clear. There’s someone with a HUGE problem — and it ain’t you, kiddo. I’m just sorry you’ve had to go through this much pain finding it out.
Oh, whiterabbit, that hurts. And it’s going to hurt for some time.
This is hard to put in just the right words, but - In a few days, after the immediate anger is over, you’re going to think about him. You’re going to think “what if?” You’re going to think “well, maybe if …?” DON’T! At 43, he is set in his ways. There is nothing that you can change in him, and if he wanted to change, he has had more than enough time to do it. Get your cats right now, minimize contact (preferably to no contact), and move on with your life. It will get better.
I am very sorry for your hurt whiterabbit. I think you are going to be far better off in the long run, but I understand that the pain is now and knowing it will get better is small consolation. Good luck dear.
Crimeny! They decided you weren’t right for their son after one visit? Unless you peed on the rug, that’s bullshit. You could have been nervous, or having a bad couple of days, or whatever . . . Any normal human being would be willing to give you a second chance.
One wonders if any woman would be good enough for their pwecious baby.
Sickening.
My parents won’t even allow my fiance in the house…he’s Hispanic, and they’re old-school West Texas racists. I was disowned by them the moment they found out about him.
So I cut ties to them, not to my fiance. I know what’s good for me, and eventually they’ll figure it out.
Good luck to you, Whiterabbit, and good riddance to bad rubbish. Any man who loved you the way this man should have would never have listened to Mom.
So sorry. 
A marriage to that man and his mother would’ve brought you pain far beyond what you are feeling now. It would’ve robbed you of precious years of your life and would’ve crushed your self esteem. You dodged a big bomb with long-lasting poisonous fallout.
I’m sorry that you are hurting.
I know it hurts. Played that game myself.
All I can tell you is that if this guy is such a world class wuss that he has to bow to his family in this, he would have had to continue to bow to his family in other matters, matters which would eventually have come down to “who’s more important, me or your friggin’ mother?”
…and you’re better off without him.
If a marriage is going to work, the people in it have to have a rock solid commitment to EACH OTHER, and a certain willingness to tell everyone else in the world to go take a flying leap if they are interfering with that commitment.
If you ain’t got that, then what you have is, at best, a shaky marriage. At worst, it’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Forget the schmo. There’s better out there. I kept looking, and eventually found the perfect woman.
And her family likes me, too.
Maybe on his 44th birthday, he’ll get a nice set of BALLS.