Bitch of an almost mother-in-law and her cowardly son

I was supposed to be getting married in May. But he broke it off tonight.

Last week we went up to visit his parents so I could meet them and charm them and convince them I was going to be a great wife and all of that. At least to meet them. The visit, while short, seemed to go fine.

Then we get home and when he calls to tell them that we got home in one piece his mother tells him his father will be calling him back when he gets back from the doctor, but won’t say why. He knows this is not good.

Turns out that they thought it wouldn’t work out, and therefore we didn’t have their blessing (they actually said that) and they wouldn’t be coming to the wedding. My response? That is completely assholic of them and they have just lost any chance of gaining MY respect. I will, however, remain civil when required to.

His response? He just can’t face there being any sort of a break in the family. For two and a half days he thinks about it. Finally tonight my mother, having heard me crying on the phone FAR too much the past couple of days, had me give the phone to him and she told him EXACTLY, while politely, what she thought of all of this. (They obviously have no trust in him, and they certainly don’t treat him like an adult, but I knew about the treating him like an adult part – I didn’t take it seriously. Oops.)

He goes out for a drive, then comes back, and after a VERY VERY uncomfortable silence, I tell him I’m going back to my place at least for tonight, and he agrees this is a good idea. I don’t remember exactly what happened next, but I ended up asking, “It’s over, isn’t it?” and he agreed.

So I grabbed my stuff – thank God I hadn’t moved in there! – and left. My cats will remain until I know what’s going to happen next; I’m moving back in with my parents for a while in another state, and I know they’ll be well taken care of while there.

BITCH BITCH BITCH! How DARE she do this to her son, the baby she supposedly loves so much! Sick, evil, twisted BITCH. I knew they were close, but I had no idea that he still ACTED like the baby she thinks he is where she is concerned!

I don’t have the emotional energy to get creative in my swearing right now. I may in a few days. BITCH.

You are far better off without him. If he can’t stand up to his parents now, why do you think he would do it later? If a man is truly in love, he’s certainly not going to seek his parents approval.

Me? I didn’t give a rats ass about my parents approval. I loved my girl and that was all that mattered. If my parents liked her, great. If not, oh well.

My mom already said that. And in the long run, she’s right. But dammit, this HURTS.

Dear Lord! How old is this guy? It positively boggles the mind. If I’m not getting too personal, what exactly was the parents’ objection? Not that it makes any difference, your ex-fiance is definitely a coward. Even if his parents are some kind of extremely old-fashioned types with highly specific standards for their children’s potential spouses, wouldn’t he have known that before getting engaged to you? Shit like this disgusts me. I’m sorry, whiterabbit. Be strong. I know it hurts now, and it probably will for a while, but your mom’s right, it’s for the best.

It’s horrible to hear that, and I’m sorry that you had to get so attached to this man only to have it proven to you so cruelly how tied he is to his parents yet.

Allow yourself time to mourn this loss, but keep remembering what a worthwhile person you are, and in the end what a ‘bullet’ you dodged.

I agree with Herman C., cauhtemoc and your mother. Take your cats and run (if you can urge your cats to leave little parting gifts for him - that might be nice).

Be sure to think of some good parting comments when you finally pick up the cats. Something like “I hope you and your parents will be very happy together,” or “I thought the umbilical cord was cut at birth, but obviously I was wrong in regards to your family.”

Clearly this guy is a wimp, so expect him to be calling in a couple of months or so saying he’s rethought the whole thing…Do yourself a favor and hang up on him when he does this. If he crumbled once he will be doing it for the rest of his life.

I know it hurts, but you have no clue how truly, absolutely and amazingly fortunate you are in this circumstance. You didn’t just dodge a bullet you dodged a mortar shell.

How old are you guys anyway?

whiterabbit, I know that it hurts like hell. The pain that you are feeling now will save you from a lifetime of misery.

One of my friends got as far as the rehersal dinner the night before the wedding. Her husband-to-be wanted to sit with his mother rather than with the bride! She had the good sense to call a halt to the wedding.

You are going to survive this to live the sweet life that makes for such great revenge!

I’m 26. He is…drumroll…43. Yes. And he STILL DOES WHAT HIS MOTHER TELLS HIM TO. I had NO idea or things would never have gotten this far.

The age gap never was an issue, though I understand that his parents were concerned about it. Mine were not. Mine TRUSTED me. What a concept.

Sounds like you had a narrow escape.

I’m sorry you’re hurting, and I hope that you feel better soon. It sucks that the Dysfunction Family had to do this to you.

Ummm… take what I said and triple it. Anyone that is 43 and relying on his parents blessing as potential deal killer in in choosing a wife is well… a bit off the beam. I know you said age doesn’t matter, but well…eventually it often does after the infatuation rush wears off. Might want to shoot for someone closer to your own age the next go round.

Blame the son… The mom may be a queen bitch but the son is the one taking the action to break it off. At 43 he knows quite well what he is doing.

You are well to be rid of him.

Good Luck

My advice: date orphans.

I am so sorry that you are hurting but you are so very, very lucky that you don’t have to waste anymore time with that loser.

Haj

You are damn lucky to be rid of him. If he’s still seeking his parents approval at age 43, then you know he’s got some serious problems. If a person puts their parents opinions above their own opinions, then you know something is screwed up.

Also, please don’t put 100% of the blame on his mother. It seems to me that most or all of the blame is with him. Sure, he may have domineering parents, but that doesn’t excuse a middle aged man for being such a doormant.

Me, I was on my own since I was 19 years old. I’ve never looked back. While I include my parents in my life, I certainly do not let them make any decisions for me.

You, my dear, have just dodged 50 bullets.

Throw ashtrays and scream tonight, then go get the cats in the morning and get on with your life. Later on you’ll be thanking every god in the pantheon that you didn’t marry into this family.

Cyber-hug.

Oooer. Good Lord. Plant me squarely in the camp of people agreeing that you are better off without. You are obviously mature enough to be making your own decisions about your life, and, just as obviously, this…man…is not. Don’t look back, good luck, and keep us up to date.

Personally, I think you’re gonna do great.

My wife asked me today what advice I will give my daughter (13 months) in regards to me. I had one rule:

  1. Never marry a man who is devoted to his mother.

43? And still needing mommy’s permission? Pathetic!

You know, I think he was too young for you. Not quite grown up yet at 43 is not a good sign.

If my husband hadn’t been rejected by his former girlfriend’s parents (and thus by the girlfriend), I wouldn’t have gotten him for myself! Frankly, I think we both did well out of that one.

I’m sorry about the hurtin’–yes, we know breaking up is hard to do–but print out this thread, read it, and pet your cats. It’ll help. Then go out and do something fun.

Good luck!

Get the cats, and get them as far from that mama’s boy as you can.

And NEVER even think about going back - I would refer you to a woman who made that mistake, but my mother died in 1989.