Your daughter and I have been dating for three year’s and we love each other a lot, but I new guy has showed up and she feels attracted to him and this has confused her so she wants some time to think. We are therefore putting our relationship on hold for a month so she can think. Yes, we were talking about marriage and I likely would have proposed in the next few months but that’s okay as it means I really do not mind her taking time to think. Why don’t I mind? It’s simple really because, as I’m a devout Catholic and wouldn’t remarry is she devoiced me (unless there were grounds for annulment, but that’s a different subject), I want her to be really really sure that she wants to marry me. I am trying to be mature and rational about this. However, yall are behaving like a bunch of immature children. You harass her constantly about it, you refuse to give her rides anywhere (she cannot drive do to the fact that she has seizures), you tell her you are taking her off your insurance and are just generally giving her hell to the point where she is actually moving out. This is completely uncalled for and confirms that you are both asses.
Now I would like to point out a few things. First, we are not broken up. We may in the future be broken up, but right now she is just taking some time to think. I will say again that I think this is a good thing and support this completely for the above stated reason. So informing everyone that we are broken up and that your daughter has made a big mistake, is a disappointment and will never find anyone as good as me again is completely uncalled for and would still be wrong even if we were broken up. This leads me to my second point. SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER! I know I am a likeable guy and all, but when it comes to choosing between me and her I think the choice should be obvious…you pick her. Your role right now should be to support her and let her think, not inform her she is the biggest disappointment to the family sense her cousin got pregnant out of wedlock (which raises other issues I’m not going to go into here). Third you basically ruined your relationship with your daughter over a guy. A GUY! It’s bad enough when friends do it, but parents!? I mean come on, get your priorities straight here. Lastly, this is OUR relationship not yours. I do not need your help keeing her. If she wants to be with me that’s great I love her a bunch, but if she does not that’s okay (if sad). We obviously can’t marry if she doesn’t want to be with me so your acting like fools does not accomplish anything. To sum it up yall are immature fools who are about as compassionate as shark coming off a crash diet and even if we do not break up and do end up getting married it is entirely possible yall wont be there.
Even if she didn’t have serious feelings for this other guy the extra stress her family is causing will just confuse her more and make your relationship that much difficult to continue.
When a passing guy makes her head turn to that extent, you are either both too immature (literally, not in the insulting sense) to be considering marriage, or she simply isn’t as in to you as you think.
He is being the good kind of mature about this, though, and for that I commend him. I just can’t see this ending well - though there’s a chance. Still, that’s a good hint at what kind of jerks his potential future-inlaws can be, which is another matter to consider.
I barely missed having the Inlaws From the Depths of Hell. My sympathy on that one. (They called off the wedding. Seriously. My ex turned out to have no backbone. You do not seem to have this problem.)
Unfortunately, she’s trying to break up with you without actual “breaking up” with you. My sympathy there as well. She doesn’t want to hurt you is my guess.
My prediction: If after her"thinking," she decides on you, you can look forward to a relationship puncutated by similar episodes.
It’s like call waiting - “Hold on, I’m getting a call that might be more interesting than talking to you…”
Your girlfriend is obviously my long-lost sister I never knew about. My parents sided with my ex-husband when we divorced. Everyone in my family sided with the possessive, overly dependent, emotionally abusive Mamma’s Boy, in fact. Right up till about a year later, when he finally showed them his true colors in a way I’d rather not get into.
I don’t necessarily think you’re hosed. But maybe I’m naive. I think that if she’s a smart girl and, like, you, wants to be entirely sure before she commits herself to marriage, a break is just the right thing.
Anyway, that sucks. My parents are the complete opposite. They’re freaking out that I’m in a serious relationship so young (I’m 21).
:dubious: Hmmm. No one seems to be taking into account that the parents behaviour is more than likely to be hearsay via the girlfriend.
Girlfriend thinks: "I’m looking like the bad-guy for breaking things up. I don’t want to be. I know, let’s throw in the ‘one month thinking time gambit’… No, not enough. Well someone has to be the bad-guy here. Yeah, my parents. You won’t believe what they’re doing! I’m not being unreasonable, they are! Pity poor me!
Sorry that it sounds like thigns aren’t going to work with this girl, but I think it’s very admirable that you are handling this so well, cbtcad. It’s cool that you are taking marriage so seriously. I’m sure a girl will come along who will appreciate that!
Very likely IMO unless he takes offensive action. If it were me I’d call her up, tell her this month to think stuff is bullshit (literally use that word) and say I’m making the decision not to see her again and that’s the way it’s going to be. After a while I’d let her beg for me back, which I figure the odds are better than average that she would. The idea is to make yourself not only confident but a scarce commodity, and nothing attracts women more. There is a reason the bad guys get the babes.
I’m with lavenderviolet on this. You’re going to make some lucky girl very happy someday. In the meantime, I’m sorry to hear of your troubles (but maybe you’ll get better inlaws when the right one comes along).
Yepp. You’re toast. You’re obviously a nice guy, and very understanding about her parents’ wishes. When you REALLY fall in love, you won’t give a shit what anybody else thinks or says. This was probably a merciful release. Move on.
I’ll be the dissenting voice and call bullshit on that, and on the others who are so positive that the OP is “hosed.”
I took a similar break from my fiance (AFTER we’d set the wedding date, even!). It hurt like hell and was extremely difficult, but it was the right thing to do for both of us. And you know what? We got back together, we got married, and I haven’t felt even the slightest urge to repeat the break.
Hell, my sister did the same thing. They’ve now been happily married for 11 years. Good things can come of this.
