I don’t think your situation is at all typical. Typically when people need a trial seperation period it is either because they are looking for something better or want to go out with a sexual bang before they commit. Either way, it’s a shitty thing to do to someone you supposedly love. What’s the partner supposed to think when you come back? “Dear, I’m so happy you decided that you could settle for me, and I hope you got a lot of dick while you were finding yourself and discovering what you really wanted in life.” Give me a break.
I’m flabbergasted at the idea that parents could choose the kids partner over the kid after a breakup. I mean it’s not a potluck dinner where you steal the rest of someone’s brownies and leave your crappy casserole. Not that I’ve ever done that. And not that anyone here is crappy casserole. You’re all delicious brownies.
I feel for you, cbtcad. You seem like you have a level head about you, and appear to be handling this in an extremely mature way. Congratz on that.
Hope it all turns out well for you. Just do yourself a favor though, and if you haven’t already, prepare for the worst. Also, (and this may be petty or ‘beneath’ you, whatever that means, but…) you may want to also take this time, and go out and have a good time with someone else. Don’t do anything that would compromise your own morality, but don’t sit around the house feeling sorry for yourself or in any way ‘wait’ for her to come around. You can’t know if she will, and if she doesn’t this will speed up the healing time for you (as you will have already made efforts to come to terms with it), and if she does come back it shouldn’t hurt the relationship any (provided you are both mature about it, and not just trying to hurt each other or anything).
Good luck man.
Sorry about your situation but please allow me to compliment you on this typo…
Really? You ‘took a break’ because your SO was lusting after someone else?
Or did you mean that you took a break because you were just having trouble and needed perspective? Which ain’t what’s happenin’ in the OP?
Yeah, I gotta agree Spooje, it doesn’t look good does it?
Another thing that always amazes me is why people wanna share this sort of stuff on the internet? For crying out loud, people have been in romantic turmoil since time immemorial. It’s part of the fundamental human condition it seems to me. But they didn’t need the internet to sort things out - they just needed what everyone needs - some time to heal and then some cool friends and interests to kinda move on and start afresh.
What is it about breakups that makes the participants think that THE WHOLE WORLD needs to know about it? Nothing personal to the author of this thread - I know you’re hurting my friend and you have my empathy - honestly.
It’s just weird that the internet plays this sort of role sometimes.
And yeah, dude… you’re hosed. The train has left the station.
Another vote for Hosed.
Sounds to me like the family were looking forward to being shed of this chick, and they can see it all going up in smoke.
"No really, ya GOTTA marry her! Please!
The fact that they are taking her off the insurance and pretty much forcing her to move out caps it. They are sick of paying her way, and were hoping you would take her in. Now it’s all falling apart because she done got the hots for some dude.
Frickin RUN dude.
Stop trying to ride it, it’s dead. Move on.
“Darling, I’m really serious about marrying you, but I want a month off while I decide if I can get someone better”.
Nope. I’m voting for Hosed with a capital Ho, though I’m a sentimental old bugger and would be delighted to be proved wrong.
Okay here’s a general reply and update. I apologize for the lateness but with holidays and school work I’ve been swamped.
Her period of indecision lasted about two days. She decided that she wanted to date me and I took her back. I took her back because she has never done this sort of thing before and I believe that we are all capable of monumental stupidity at times and disserve a second chance. However, if she does this again that would be it and we’d be done as a couple.
Now for a few specific replies.
Actually she costs them very little. She pays for her own phone bill, buys her own clothing, and pays all her own credit card bills. They pay for her meds but I’m sure she would pay for them if they asked her to. She works almost every day for most of the day so she doesn’t eat much of the food and as she’s at work she can’t account for much of the electric bill either.
If this was the first time her parents have acted badly I would agree with you. However, her mom does have major issues and I have been witness to some of these moments and so I believe her. In this specific case I also was on the phone with her when her mother started going off on her so I’ve heard some of this myself.
I posted this as a kind of screaming into a pillow type of thing. I will really angry and I wanted to be able to think rationally about this and I couldn’t think of anyone I could call to talk about this as it was rather late so I put all my anger into the rant and posted it and got rid of my anger. My reply (late though it is) is because I feel that if people care enough to respond to my post that I should make some effort to respond to theirs if I can.
My parents did the same thing, right in the middle of their marriage. After about fourteen years together, they got divorced. Two years later, they got remarried. Been together another fourteen years since. Upside was, I got to be my dad’s best man when he married my mom.
/Shakes Magic 8 Ball o’ Life
OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD.
Story of my life, cbtcad. Story of my life.
When faced with “the other guy,” women always pick that option. ALWAYS.
Think of it … if you met another woman, and you wanted to take time off from the relationship to pursue that option, do you think she’d sheepishly wait around like a backup girlfriend? Nope.
Be a man. Cut it off, and let her run back to you.
I can’t believe that no one here has pointed out the fact that you don’t marry a person, you marry into a family. Be prepared for the extra baggage, cuz it’s moving in with you. Everything she has, she got from living with those people. It’s sad and unavoidable and as strong as gravity. Love lets you float above the ground for only so long.
Also, If you and your intended decide to unite in a kind of “you and me against the world” kind of relationship, I wish you joy… and therapy for the eventual co-dependence and dysfunction that may spring from that.
You seem a wonderful sort of “great guy” who will marry a woman you think you can help, etc. It’ll go great for a while, or even a lifetime…who knows. But if you have the slightest bit of self-respect…
Quoting the last lines of “Camelot”: Run, boy! Live! Ruuuuunnnnn!
I can’t believe that no one here has pointed out the fact that you don’t marry a person, you marry into a family. Be prepared for the extra baggage, cuz it’s moving in with you.
Also, If you and your intended decide to unite in a kind of “you and me against the world” kind of relationship, I wish you joy… and therapy for the eventual co-dependence and dysfunction that may spring from that.
You seem a wonderful sort of “great guy” who will marry a woman you think you can help, etc. It’ll go great for a while, or even a lifetime…who knows. But if you have the slightest bit of self-respect…
Quoting the last lines of “Camelot”: Run, boy! Live! Ruuuuunnnnn!