Sometimes you're so GODDAMN STUPID!

Oh boy. Things aren’t going well for you, and you want sympathy. Well, I’m fresh out.

To start with, I thought you were being foolish when you got engaged to the guy you’d only been seeing for two months. He seemed like a nice guy, but even back then it was obvious that he was a Mummy’s-Boy. You must have known it was wrong because you kept telling people you’d been together three years, and justified it because you first met him three years prior. Yeah, well if you’d even been friends that whole time I could sort of go along with that story, but you’d struck up a brief friendship before moving away, and hadn’t seen him in three years until you bumped into him one day while shopping.

Besides your impulsive rushing of the relationship, I felt you were too young. You were only 20 when you got engaged. You said felt you were old enough - because I was old enough? WTF? We are not the same person to start with, and while I felt I was old enough to get engaged at 23, I wasn’t old enough at 20 and I knew it. On top of that, my fiance and I had been together for over a year before we got engaged, because we wanted to be sure we were doing the right thing.

Then you set the wedding for just one month before I was planning to get married. You didn’t seem to notice that you’d made it difficult for me, considering that you decided that you would be MY matron of honour (no, I didn’t ask her), and that I’d be your maid of honour. You said you just had to get married on your beloved Gran’s birthday. I said nothing, I just moved my wedding back so it wouldn’t interfer. Then you moved your wedding forward a fortnight for reasons that elude me still, so I guess Gran’s birthday wasn’t so important after all.

Then you moved in with your fiance. He had been sharing a house with friends for a year or more before you came along, but you didn’t get along with them, and the two of you had to move on within about 6 weeks. You got your own place, a lovely, but overpriced unit that costs you a fortune. It’s ok, because the two of you are earning enough to afford it, but it does prevent you saving up towards your wedding and the house you’re always talking about buying.

Time passes, and things aren’t going well at work for you. You take heaps of sick time, and your bosses are getting angry about it. You have a laproscopy (sp?), and find out you have endometriosis, and also a cyst on one of your ovaries. It’s treated, but you get panicked about having children. All your friends are beginning to fear that you’re going to stay with your fiance no matter what, just because you don’t think you’ll be able to get another relationship off the ground in time to have children. You talk about your doctor telling you that you’ll need a hysterectomy within two years. You talk about children all the time, and how much you love them, and how your life-long dream has always been to be a mother. You start collecting pets, and surround yourself with them. Your future mother in law also adores children, and I feel you’re mimicking her in the early part of your relationship. She had to adopt after miscarrying ten babies, and your fiance is her only birth-son. I find that, as your fertility becomes more and more in question, you seem to be drawing away from her more, and I wonder if she’s turning against you in fear that you won’t be able to give her the grandchildren she’s so anxious to have.

Eventually, you take way too much sick time, and you’re demoted at work. This angers you, and you quit, walking out never to return. You and your fiance decide to move to him hometown and live with his grandfather. We all think this is a bad idea, considering your history with housemates, but you never listen to anyone else and go ahead with your plan. For a couple of weeks, all is well, but then the problems start. You treat the grandfather like a small child, for no good reason, and he’s getting sick of it. You object to your fiance’s parents interfering in the household, but they think they have every right to comment on all that they see going on. You battle it out, but end up moving after only about 6 weeks.

You get a job in a daycare centre. We all freak out at this news. You have it in your head that you love children and want to be “Earth Mother”, but that’s not really you. You’re impatient, you hate mess, you hate noise, you’re obsessive about order, and you sit in public places talking about how you’d like to smack this child or that one and it’s mother for letting it behave like that. This does not bode well for childcare, where you won’t have the right to try to change the way someone else is raising their child. We fear that you’ll end up in BIG trouble - having seen you with your ex-boyfriend’s son, we know you don’t cope with kids. By your own admission, you hated that two year old.

To this very day, we don’t know what happened at the childcare centre. We do know that you lasted less than a fortnight, but only because your fiance told mine. You kept up the pretence of working there much longer, and then wouldn’t discuss why you left. You just mutter about the manager being a bitch, and drop it. This isn’t like you. If you had a genuine grievance about her, you’d be complaining at the top of your lungs.

You moved from the grandfather’s house into another unit that was really expensive, and then outlaid a heap more money fixing the gardens because they “weren’t symmetrical”. Yet at this time your fiance was applying to join the police force, and you shouldn’t have been committing yourself to anything. Sure enough, he was accepted, and you found yourself on a greatly reduced income facing 18 weeks without him. You were unable to cover the rental, even with your new job as a secretary. Your solution? To move in with his parents. The same parents you’ve been slowly growing to dislike. The same parents who you felt interfered too much when you lived with the grandfather. The same parents who were starting to change their minds about being happy that their son was to marry you. I told you “This has disaster written all over it”, but you dismiss my concerns and move in with them.

I told you so just doesn’t cut it for what happened. I said “disaster”, and that’s exactly what it was. Within weeks, his parents had declared that they hated you and would do anything to see their son leave you. Meanwhile, you hated them with an equal passion. Your fiance was caught in the middle, loving you and his parents, but we all suspected that they would win one day. We heard only your side of the story. If it’s all true, they are horrible people who don’t deserve such a nice son, but I suspect you were to blame for a lot of it. You don’t have a good history of getting along with other people.

Eventually, you move out. You have decided that you want pets, the more the better, and you rent a farmlet. It costs a ridiculous amount of money, but you are dead set on living there. You add to your menagarie, so you now have two cats (you get a third one, and give one of the old ones to me), two dogs, a rabbit, chickens, fish and you’re planning on getting a sheep and a cow and a goat. You also decided that, since you live off a gravel road, you need an off-road vehicle so you get a loan and buy a second hand one with a soft-top. It’s a cute little car, but doesn’t seem terribly practical.

Things go wrong. One of the dogs kills the rabbit, and then kills the neighbours chickens. The little house is so cold your fish freezes to death one weekend. Your fiance graduates from the police acadamy and gets stationed in the city, so you have to move again. Once again, you leave before the rental period is up and have to surrender your bond. You rent a house in the city, for an obscene amount of money. This time, the two of you are paying double what you were at your old house, and in fact you are paying more in rent that I am in home loan repayments. Why? Because you think that everything else is beneath you. You have to rent a fancy unit in the best area of town, when a smaller place would suit you so much better because you need to be saving money. However, you’ve had so many problems in your relationship that you’ve decided to put your wedding off until the following year. This is a sensible thing to do, and takes off a lot of the pressure. Still, it can’t fix everything and you and your fiance aren’t getting along so well.

You take a lot of time off from the secretarial job, sick leave because you’re still having problems. You spend a lot of time down at my house. You talk in the one breath about loving your fiance, yet in the next you’re telling me that you’d put me before him because you’ve known me longest. You still seem hung up on your ex, and you “stalk” him (drive past his house whenever you can, hoping to see him). You talk constantly about him and his friends, and you don’t seem to find it strange to be doing this more than 4 years after breaking up with him. You speak about him more than you do your fiance.

Finally, the day comes when you and your fiance face the fact that things are never going to get better. You call everything off, and come flying down to my place. You tell me you’ve decided to throw in your job and move back to your childhood home, eight hours drive from where you live now. I try to talk you out of this, but you’re adamant. You take Monday off work, because you still have the flu and you’ve been off work nearly a week, but you call and tell them you’re quitting. You go back to work on Tuesday and work the rest of the week, finishing up for good on Friday. You leave an insulting message on your computer screen as you walk out the door, so kiss any references goodbye from there. You go out partying on the Friday night, and you pack your clothes and leave on the Sunday. On the Monday, you’re ringing me telling me that you’ve made a big mistake and hate being in your old hometown. You want to come back, but you can’t because you have no money left. You only know one person in town, your boyfriend from your early teenage years, and he’s just recently married the mother of his child. His new wife doesn’t like you. You go and have lunch at his workplace on Monday, and Tuesday, and you call on Wednesday but he tells you not to come down. This upsets you so much you jump in your car and come to my house - 8 hours drive. Thursday he calls to ask you to come over for lunch, but you’re still in another state and realise you over-reacted the day before.

I ask you about your furniture. You say it’s still at your fiance’s place, but it will be ok. I try to talk you into going to pick some of it up, but you refuse. I can’t help but remember when you did a similar thing a few years earlier and had stuff stolen, but you won’t listen to me. You’re dead set that the two of you will remain friends. I don’t agree. For a start, his parents are going to do their best to make sure he doesn’t think about taking you back, and for another he’s so unhappy that he’s going to blame you just to make himself feel better. You get distressed when you find out he wasn’t planning on showing up at your birthday, and I can’t help but wonder what planet you’re from.

Sunday, you drive home again, and call me that night all distressed because you’ve just got a message to say that your ex-fiance has moved out of the unit and left all your furniture behind. You’ve got to find a way to move it before the 28th of this month. You have no money left. You have no where to store it. You’re upset, and feel this has come out of nowhere. You call me for sympathy, but I can’t summon it. I TOLD you this would happen. You refused to listen. Just like I told you everything else would happen, and you didn’t listen. People have to make their own mistakes in life, but FUCK! If you would stop for five seconds and think about the consequences, you wouldn’t have so many problems.

You drove me nuts with your dumb-ass questions this week. Why does it always happen to me?
Because you never look before you leap, and you always do stupid things.
Why do my relationships never work out?
Which answer do you want? Because you’re selfish and you never make an effort to compromise with your parter, or because you rush into things, or because you’re only 22 years (and one day) old and lots of people at your age haven’t met the person they’ll spend their life with, or because shit happens to everyone else too and you just don’t care to see that other people have problems.
I hate looking for new jobs. Why can’t I hold one down?
Hmmm, let me see… because you keep quitting your jobs, because you think you know everything and you irritate your workmates, because you’re rude to your bosses and they get fed up with you pretty damn quick, because you take sick days constantly.
Why does it seem like I’m always moving house?
Because you are. You never stop to think before you rush into a lease, and so you’re constantly breaking leases.
Why won’t my ex-fiance speak to me?
Because you broke up. Why can’t you understand this?

In short, you brough all your problems upon yourself, and I’m sick of picking up the pieces. Tomorrow, I’ll calm down and try to soothe you, but today I’m mad as hell. Ugh! Just try learning from your mistakes once in your life.

Jerry Springer’s booking agent is on line two with a Wednesday slot for next week. Please let this woman know…


I actually, really did LOL at that :slight_smile:

Ack! Relationship vampire! Don’t invite it in!


No doubt! Are you related to this person? Do you have to “be there” for her? Because it sounds like, despite whatever ages either of you are, she has years and years to go before she reaches maturity. Until then, expect lots of drama!

And as a counterpoint to Heloise’s comment, sadly, sometimes they never mature. I have a friend (and I use the term loosely) who is 38 and still acting like this. She meets a man, falls in love within a week, declares him to be her “soulmate” and they move in together and get engaged in an incredibly short time…well, you know how it goes. She gets kicked out of his house, loses her stuff, loses jobs, has had numerous cars repo’d, wants to move in with girlfriends just “for a while” (yeah, right, till she meets her next soul mate) and on and on.
The really sad part is she is dragging her teenage daughter around with her for all this dramatic crap.
Break off this friendship now, or at least keep her at arm’s length. She will only drag you down with her. Trust me!

cazzle, this lady just screams “borderline personality”. Distance yourself and don’t feel guilty. If she’s ever going to learn, it’ll be when she alienates everyone she knows and hits rock bottom. Let her do it. Don’t rescue her.

Ohhh Lord.

She sounds exactly like my old college roommate, except the ages are wrong, so there must be two of them. You have my sincerest sympathy.

Thanks for taking the time to write that. It helps to know other people out there have mixed up friends.

I don’t think you should dump her as a friend, or distance yourself. I’m not willing to dump someone as a friend because they are a bit screwy. I mean, they make life interesting, don’t they? :wink:

Don’t try to rescue her but be a friend that listens. In time she may straighten up.

One question? Has she always been like this? If not, I’ve seen people who were reasonable people before start to act real screwy. It seems to happen like they were cut from their support and are flailing around and they need to reattach to something till the they get their legs back. The one case was a friend who was laid off and had trouble getting a new job (early nineties). He floundered for quite awhile till he was determined to stick with a job for 3 years. He did it and is fine now.

I went through a screwy phase when I left teaching that lasted about a year (1995) and I think I’m fine now. I did lose friends and found out who my true friends were.


As someone who just ran to Reno to get married with three people in attendence followed by a reception at the nearest buffet I have a quick question:

Why did you have to move your wedding just because hers was a month beforehand?

Regarding the rant: I would prefer if you didn’t talk about my sister on public message boards. (For the humor impaired: she isn’t talking about my sister, but it seems like it.)

Well, at the time we were both planning rather large weddings, and a few things went through my mind… first, how on earth was I going to come up with the money for a bridesmaid’s dress during one of the most expensive events of my life? Second, I suspected that there could be problems doing the things that needed to be done for my wedding simply because hers was first. She’s not the type to share and play nice. Third, I was aware she was planning to have a huge honeymoon, which means she’d be away for most of the last month before I got married, which could have been a problem in and of itself. Even once she finally got back, she’d have heaps to catch up on and might not be able to spare the time to help me get the show on the road. Fourth… this is selfish… I kind of felt eclipsed. Here I was, meeting a nice man, and then moving in with him, and then when we were sure, we got engaged, and then we started planning our wedding, when out of the blue she finds a man, starts dating him, moves in with him and gets engaged to him within the space of two months. She wasn’t even seeing him when we announced our engagement! After doing everything the “right way”, she jumps in, does everything the “wrong way”, and (it felt like) she snatched all the attention. Then she announced her date, and I felt that she hadn’t stopped to consider the fact that I’d already set my date, and she’d TOLD ME that she was going to be my bridesmaid - I never asked her. I expected the two of us to be worn to frazzles, trying to plan two weddings so close together, and so I moved mine back, because she wanted to get married on (or near) dear Gran’s birthday.

I may not have put it back if we weren’t in each other’s wedding parties, but at her insistance, we were, and I didn’t want to have to do two major events at once - I have health problems, and if I wore myself out for her wedding, it was possible I would still be sick for my own.

I booted her out of my wedding party when we were supposed to go shopping for dresses. I posted in MPSIMS at the time, because I was so upset. Basically, she sent me an email saying (whole conversation paraphrased)
“I’ve checked with everyone else, and the only day they’re all free is X. Is this date ok with you?”
I replied and said “Actually, I already have something on that date, but I will see what I can do”.
She replied and said “This is important. You have to be there. Please try and make it. Are you sure you want to be my bridesmaid? I just want to get that cleared up now.”
I answered “I can’t make it on that date.”
She sent back and email saying “Why are you doing this to me? Why do you have to make everything so hard? You don’t want to do anything I ask you to do. You didn’t answer me, do you want to be my bridesmaid, or should I get someone else?”

I thought that was such an unfair accusation, since this was the first pre-wedding event that had even been planned, and I not only hadn’t stood in her way over anything, but I hadn’t even had a chance to stand in her way over anything! We stopped speaking for a few days, but eventually forgave each other. I just found it incredibly unfair that she asked everyone else when they were free, but didn’t ask me, and then got angry at me because I had something else on that I’d arranged over a month before, and that event was with a friend visiting from Canada for two weeks. It’s not like I could just catch up with her any old time!

Meanwhile, I’m jealous of your wedding. I’ve been forced to cancel all my plans over the last year, and now I’m down to working out how to have the smallest wedding possible because I don’t want anyone else there. I feel that my wedding is a private thing, something to be shared by my husband and I, and as few others as possible. I’ll let you know if I get it! Congratulations on your nuptuals, and may you both live long and happy lives together.

And sorry about your sister :wink: